The lights are low and it’s simply beautiful. More perfect than anything I could ever have imagined. He’s holding me close and I find myself wishing that he’d come nearer. Just close enough to feel the heat roaring from his face. I laugh to myself as he finally does and it’s like he’s read my mind. As we dance and twirl, thoughts run through my head. Thoughts I know I shouldn’t be thinking. I know it’s wrong but this feels so right. How is that possible? I ask myself that question over and over again as he slips his arm around my waist. My silken dress is swaying to the slow ballad and for once I feel wonderful. I have never felt life to be this perfect but I know it won’t last forever. There is no such thing as eternity. I slowly put my head onto his shoulder and breathe in his musky scent. It smells of him; of cinnamon and fire and passion and promises. It’s perfect and he knows I love it. It’s just us. No one else could invade our little moment. The patio is secluded and it’s just right for me. The moment passes as the music fades into nothingness. Sadness crosses my mind and I know I’ll have to let go. As the final note plays, I slip away from him. My heart breaks but I’m glad I had our one small moment. No matter how insignificant it was to him, it meant the world to me.
I walk away slowly, not wanting to let go. I need to let go. One more look and I won’t be able to go back. I so badly want to be strong. I run lightly towards the decadent stairs and make my way up them, fast paced. I hear footsteps and I know it’s him. I can’t look back. He doesn’t realise what’ll happen, he doesn’t know why I need him. But I have to let go soon and the longer I leave it, the harder it will get. Its rule one. My resolve breaks as he calls my name quietly up the hall. I look down and walk still. I can’t go back...I can’t go back. I need this more than anything. He keeps calling my name over and over and over, his voice becoming urgent and frustrated. I don’t know why he wants me when he can have someone better. I don’t know why I want him when I don’t deserve his attention. And with a crack of my heart, that’s when I realise it’s only attention. It can never be anything else because it’s wrong. I wanted him so badly, when I was younger. We were best friends to the end. Literally. He left and scorched my soul, took my life with him. He came back to me. Only to do it again. I decide I’m bitter as my walk turns into a run. To my astonishment, he sprints and tries to catch up.
Now I really don’t understand. I hear him plead with me to stop and I falter. He’s all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. We just fit. I walk slower, not wanting to run away from him, not wanting to go back. And I thought this would be easy... I know it’s no use and I turn around to see his beautiful face. He hasn’t really changed one bit I think, and he still sets my cheeks blazing as he looks at me. His eyes, I notice, are beautiful. So much wisdom but still glinting with cheek and humour. More innocent. I notice something flicker across his gaze and I realise he’s looking straight into my eyes. He’s never done that before and I don’t know why he’s doing it now. He asks me why I ran way from him as he walks up to me, breathing heavily. That little something flickers across his face now, fleeting but still there. We both know it’s too late. I’m older and wiser so I know it may be too late. I stay silent as he asks me again why I ran. I shake my head loosely and turn away. I tremble with jolts of excitement as he grabs my hand tightly like he used to. He asks me again and I say quietly that I was scared. It’s the truth. I have never lied to him and I don’t want to start now. I shake as he turns my body to mirror his. I don’t want to cry but I may not be able to stop myself. He comes closer and I freeze. His head inches towards mine agonisingly slowly. I shake more violently and breathe heavily as his head tilts and his lips come towards my ear. He whispers so quietly that I have to strain to hear him.
He tells me he wants me. He tells me he needs me. He says he loves me, has always loved me and I want to tell him that he’s a liar. I want to slap him, to hit him for leaving me. I want to make him feel the pain of my loss. I seem decidedly static. His lips come towards mine. I know I should not lean into him but I’m only human, even if he is not. He seems so right. His full, luscious red lips kiss mine so lightly, it’s like a feather has touched them and I don’t know if this is fantasy or reality any more. I don’t think I care. His gaze is piercing me right now and it feels as if the building is charged with 300 watts. And knowing him, it could be. His lips press harder onto mine and I melt with him. God, this feels so right. It was worth the wait. His arms go around my waist again and he pulls me close. I think he doesn’t want to let me go. This is the best moment of my life, I decide, and promptly think that the next few will be better. Our kiss gets more forceful as he pushes me slightly into the wall. It’s quiet and all I can hear is my heart in my throat as he deepens the kiss. His tongue is sweet sugar syrup and his mouth is cool as he explores me. I don’t hold back. Years of pent up passion come spilling out of me and I need him to know. His hands go up my back and into my loose hair. His thumb draws circles onto the nape of my neck as he explores my mouth still. I moan in ecstasy as he pushes me up against the wall harder. I realise that this was never wrong at all; it was right and 5 years in the build up. 5 years, has it been that long since I met him? He was handsome then and he’s just as handsome now. He looks up at me, flushed and aroused. That, I know, he can’t hide from me. Gallifreyan or not.
He asks me if this is what I want. I know that this will change things but I don’t hesitate to say yes. It is what I want. I need him to be with me. My voice is husky and seductive and I think that he is what’s changed me. We’ve been through so much together that I trust him completely. He says he won’t leave and I know it’s the truth. I whisper into his ear that I love him. The words seem redundant now but they’re all I have. I decide that words aren’t enough any more and kiss him profoundly as I open the door to my hotel room. He tells me he’s always loved me and that it seems so stupid to him that he wasted all these years. I watch him as he unravels and I remember him when we first met. Tormented with survivor’s guilt. Five years ago; has it been that long? I’m nearly 25 now and he knows my time is running out. I can’t waste another second any more. I grab his tie and pull him towards my bed. I can see he still feels guilty for leaving me but I tell him that it’s something I understand and apologies can wait for tonight. I need him now. I want him now. I step back as he tells me again that he loves me and this all seems so unreal that I pinch myself. Do I want to wake up?
No. Never. I see the vulnerability in his eyes and I know that this isn’t just for tonight. He’ll be there when I wake. When I need him again. He comes to me and kisses me again, the passion and fire returning to him. It’s getting hotter now and I want him so badly that it aches. I can see that he’s aching too; I can feel him throbbing near me. His hands work into my hair and up and down my back rapidly, no time left to waste. The zip of my dress is lowered and he plays with the clasp of my bra. I rip the suit’s jacket off him and throw it away. He finally pushes my sleeveless dress off of me and slides his hands down my sides. I see his eyes widen and darken in desire as he sees me in my underwear and I’m not self conscious for once. I know that he loves me and that I love him more. I work on the buttons of his shirt as he scoops me into his arms and onto the plush bed. He’s on top of me as I pull his shirt and tie off. He keeps kissing my neck and I moan and writhe under him as he sucks on my pulse point. I am being claimed and I love it. I undo his belt buckle and pull his zipper down. I brush against his hardness and it makes him shudder. He rips his trousers off and throws them carelessly aside. I feel pride swelling in knowing I affect him like this. I feel wonderful; a wanton woman, all pride and sex appeal. He reaches behind my back and undoes the clasp with deftness and sure moves. I pull the bra off myself and revel in the width of his beautiful eyes again and he sees my naked breasts. He slides his hand up my side and the electric starts again as he cups my left breast in his hand. It fits perfectly. I tremble with anticipation as he runs his thumb over my nipple. I can feel shots of pleasure zing to my core as it hardens and now it’s his turn to be prideful. His sucks on me hard and it zings through me again. Wetness is pooling between my legs and I am ready for him. I moan his name as his sucks and tongues and massages my breasts. I decide that we need to be naked. I pull my knickers down my legs slowly and he copies my motion. I see his throbbing cock for the first time and wonder at the hardness and length of it. It’s beautiful and amazing but he can’t tear his eyes off me. His hand boldly moves to my center and rubs my clit. I scream in pleasure, writhing and wanting more. His eyes light up and he repeats his motion. I am a Goddess.
The coil is winding up, tighter and tighter. But I don’t want a release yet. He doesn’t know and I almost go over the edge as he plunges a finger into me, reaching that point that makes me scream his name louder and louder; I stop his hand just in time as his finger thrusts into me again and I part my legs further for him. He simply looks at me and kisses my neck as he enters me. He stretches me far and it’s almost painful but pleasure overrides pain. He thrusts harder and harder, moaning my name. I love that sound. I hear our sweat slicked skin slap into each others as his thrusts become longer and harder and deeper and faster than anything I’ve ever known. Ecstasy is my life right now and this is my moment. I can’t wait any longer and he pounds into me against the golden headboard. Bliss. I wrap my legs around his waist and it draws him deeper inside me. He moans and I writhe, meeting him thrust for thrust as he pounds me and grips my wrists over my head. It’s pleasure. Pure pleasure and I need him. The coil is winding higher and higher and higher and I suddenly clench around him and let go. The release makes me squeeze his cock harder and I feel him spilling into me, a warmth coming to me. We breathe heavily and he remains inside me. Forever connected. He lies down to my side and pulls me close to him as we drift off into a contented slumber. Still connected. I wish for this moment to last forever. I know that, for once, he is there beside me again. Forever is possible again.