Author's Notes:
Originally written for the Dream Team Tumblr event.
Ten and Donna (with a special cameo)


Oh this was just wizard! Donna Noble paced the floor of the castle dungeon for what felt like the millionth time. With each pace, she could feel a drop of water fall from the ceiling onto her. The giant puddle n the floor didn’t help. She already was soaked, so this wasn't helping. How did she even up here? That was right, listening to that skinny scrap of spaceman . Her mind travelled back to that morning...

The Doctor was frantically pushing buttons on the TARDIS console like he was trying to crack a safe. Full of pure enthusiasm, he approached the redhead.

"Amilla!" he announced gleefully "Oh you're gonna love it, Donna! A whole planet stuck in the medieval period. Absolutely brilliant!"

"We're talking, knights and castles and frocks, right?" asked Donna "Not like the film with Eric Idle and John Cleese? There's not going to be a bunch of knights only saying one word?"

"Nah, not this time." he assured her. "Just a perfect holiday destination. Completely accurate. I should know, I've been there."

Donna almost hated to ask. "Medieval or the film?"

"Oooh both! I was one of the knights. Long story, explain it later."

At that, Donna rolled her eyes and hurried off to get changed.

Two petticoats, three frocks, and several pairs of shoes later, Donna Noble emerged from the massive wardrobe just as the TARDIS came to its screeching stop. As the travellers emerged, one couldn’t help but note the surroundings. Apparently “accurate medieval” meant a lot of tiny thatched cottages, castles, and was that a-? No! Donna’s jaw dropped.

“Doctor, isn’t this supposed to be a medieval planet?” she asked.


“Well, excuse me but maybe I missed that day of school where they talked about the great big beanstalk in the center of town!” she snapped.

“Oooh yeah, that’s new. Wasn’t there the last time I was here.”

Just then, there came a sound like whispers. A great crowd of small people approached the travellers with interest. They all had faces like painted dolls and wore soft shades of purple or blue.

“Are you the wizard, come to protect us?” one asked the Doctor.

“Who, me?” he replied “Nah, not much of a wizard, me. Barely got out of wizard school.”

Donna nudged him.

“Doctor,” she whispered, “please tell me you didn’t manage to drop us into the wonderful Land of Oz or something? Are there gonna be flying monkeys or a lion next?”

“Oh I love that story!” he whispered back, enthused. “Got a frist edition autographed in the TARDIS somewhere.”

“He is the wizard!” the natives chorused “Take him to the giant!”

For such small people, they had surprising strength as they grabbed the Doctor and Donna and began leading them to presumably the giant’s lair.

“Oi!” the latter exclaimed. “We just got here! Put me down you stupid-”

Some perfect holiday this had been. Now here she was, locked in this stupid dungeon, wet and cold while he ran off to go battle a giant or whatever. Taking a break from her pacing circuit, Donna sat down on the hard stone floor. Suddenly she heard a noise that sounded like footsteps.

She turned to look and felt something soft and warm drape over her.

"Looked like you needed it," came a voice. Across the room stood a young woman with short brown hair dressed in a tattered red dress. " Been down here about a week so I know it's freezing. " she said, with a noticeable accent. "I'm Claire, by the way. Claire Oswin."

“Donna Noble,” she introduced, “Thanks for the cloak. And blimey, a week! What did you do?”

“Oh! I used to know a Donna!” Claire said brightly “Or was it-never mind. Anyway, a lot of things. Stole some treasure, breaking into the castle, you?”

“Oh I’m here with a bloke. But he got dragged off to duel a giant.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“No! I mean, we just travel together.”

Claire nodded in understanding. “But I figured out a way out of here.”

Donna looked around the dungeon in confusion. “Yeah? How?”

Claire smiled and pointed to the back wall. “There’s a little door there. If we climb to the top of the wall, we can open it and escape.”

“Oh you are kidding!” Donna exclaimed, picturing the idea, “We can’t climb that!”

Claire shrugged. “Your choice. But if you want to see your bloke again…”

It took several minutes (or what felt like forever) to climb the dungeon wall, but the two were almost to the door.

“Just hold on!” called Claire, as she nudged the door open carefully and discrete as possible.

“I am!” Donna called back.

Within a few seconds, they both were outside; the cold wet dungeon now replaced with green new grass under their feet.

“Now, “ Claire began, her eyes now sparkling with interest. “How about we go find your bloke?”

The two women ran to the middle of town until they reached the base of the beanstalk. A large crowd of the natives had gathered in anticipation of their new “wizard’s” victorious return. The onlookers watched as a shape of pinstripes and spiked hair carefully shimmied his way down to the bottom, before running over towards Donna.

“What took you so long, sunshine?” she asked, putting an arm on his shoulder.

“Taming a giant,” he answered. “Well, giantess actually. “ Reaching into a pocket, he pulled out the sonic screwdriver, a shiny gold coin, and a ball of yarn. “Easy when you can keep their attention. An old trick I learned once on Titan.”

Claire watched on in a mix of amusement and intrigue at this strange man.

“Doctor, “ Donna introduced “this is Claire. Helped me escape the dungeon back there while you were off playing Giant Whisperer.”

“Hi,” Claire started “Claire Oswin. So you’re her bloke.”

“Well, we’re not-”

“I told you we just-”

At that moment, one of the natives, a young woman, spoke up from the assembled crowd.

“We would like to propose a celebration for our wizard and his friends,” she said “As a show of gratitude for handling the giant.”

The others let out shouts of agreement and began proceeding away from the beanstalk.

The Doctor grabbed both Claire and Donna by the hand and grinned brightly. “Come on, you two! “

“Oh I know the best place to celebrate!” Claire said “Pub a few houses down from the castle. Best ale ever, and they make the most amazing souffles!”