"Don't Wink!"

by janai1 [Reviews - 2]

  • All Ages
  • None
  • Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Humor

Author's Notes:
Warning: high levels of hair angst and male whining!

"You have got to be kidding me!" the Doctor growled in disbelief. "Seriously??"

The Doctor was sprawled out on the rocks overlooking the water. His midriff, and the ground on each side of his body, was coated with a viscous yellow/green substance that gleamed dully in the weak sunlight.

The back of his head rested on a large log and in a puddle of the same gross looking stuff. He was trying to lift said head but he couldn't, the stuff had dried to a resin like material. He heard a giggle slightly to the left of his body and rolled his eyes.

"Rose! Not funny!" he growled. "They are going to have to shave my hair off to get me out of this muck!"

Rose Tyler was sprawled partially beneath him and pinned by a layer of the stuff over her hips. It was because of him that they were stuck to the ground with what amounted to be alien snot.

They had been tracking a pair of very large aliens known as Blugarians who had been running amok in the seaside town of Broadchurch. When they caught up with the blue and green colored creatures, the Doctor had raised his arms in a gesture of peace. Of course he knew their language and was trying to get them to calm down and go with them to Torchwood 3. When he had finished talking he started to wink. In that split second, Rose realized how he was going to end the conversation.
"Don't wink!" Rose had cried out but it was too late.

Before she could intervene the male, identified by the red crest on his potato shaped head, had roared in obvious anger. The Doctor had thrown himself in front of her as the creature sucked in a huge breath of air.

With a noise between a snort and a sneeze, the Blugarian blew out a massive spray of goop from its huge proboscis. The slime had hit them with enough force to knock them off their feet. Within seconds, the stuff had dried and they were stuck to the ground; the creatures had run off down the beach, to make good their escape.

"Arrghhh!" The Doctor cried out in frustration and started cursing in Gallifreyan. He was trying to break his arms free to assess just how much snot was in his hair. His gorgeous head of hair which had been so nicely fluffed and spiky that morning!

Rose raised her head to see that the back of his hair was indeed saturated with the stuff; a dollop had even hit his fringe, gluing it to his forehead. She saw that his face was red as he lay there muttering curses. Now that the danger was past, it was all very funny to her. Still, Rose decided that she should show her husband some sympathy and support in his time of desperate need.

"S'okay, love," she said soothingly, "m' sure the lab will find somethin' to remove it from your hair.”

"Blugarian mucus is like super glue," he whined. "They will have to shave my hair off...an....an...." His voice trailed off with a gulp and she could see a tear run down his temple.

"Doctor, are you...crying?" she asked in disbelief
"No, of course I'm not! I'm fine, no problem, molto bene, fantastic..."
He sniffed unconvincingly and she held back another giggle. It was not his fault that he did not know what he had done wrong.

"Doctor, ya don't wink at a Blugarian female," she advised. "Here it's considered a courtin’ gesture."

"Oi! How was I supposed to know that?!" he huffed. "Back home a wink is considered a gesture of respect!"

He knew he had made a mistake as soon as the large, hulking male had turned red on its chest. It was a clear sign of fury with that species and he had been gobsmacked by the sight.

"Though," he said thoughtfully, "I think she may have been flattered a wee bit." The female had blushed yellow and rolled her bulging eyes coquettishly; a clear sign of interest on her part.

Behind him, Rose started rolling her eyes at his check. She had seen the blush, the male had seen it and the Doctor had been lucky he had not been ripped limb from body.

The sound of two vehicles roaring to a screeching halt ended any further conversation between the couple. They could hear voices as their team left the Suv’s and ran towards them. The Calvary had arrived!

"Oh, thank God!" Rose cried out in relief.

"Rose, Doctor are you both alright?!"

They heard Jake's worried voice as he ran towards them. He skidded to a stop in a cloud of dirt at the sight that met his eyes. His superiors sprawled over the rocks and covered with dried Blugarian mucus. The Doctor was looking very unhappy and annoyed as he stared at the sky and Rose was looking very relieved.

She raised her head to see the emotions flickering across his youthful face as he stared at them in amazement. She glanced at the Doctor to see that he glaring at Jake; the younger man was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Don't!" the Doctor admonished. "Just, don't." The Oncoming Storm was in his eyes but Jake ignored it and smirked slightly.

"Right," Jake schooled his expression, a glint of pure mischief in his eyes. He decided that this was going to be too good an opportunity to pass up. He respected the Doctor and considered him a part of his family. It was not very often that he could catch the part-alien in a compromised position like this.

"Toms, Rory!" He shouted to the men who had waited by the vehicles; both snapped to attention.
"Grab tha' heat guns, saws, chisels and a ...very sharp razor blade!"

"WHAT??" The Doctor cried out in panic, struggling against the snot. "NO! Jake, don't you dare! Don't even think of it!!"

Rose laid her head back onto the ground and started laughing; things were about to get very, very interesting indeed!


Much to the Doctors chagrin, they did have to cut and shave hair off the back of his head to release him from the log. It was only when they were back in the lab at Torchwood that they discovered that grain alcohol softened and dissolved the snot. His head looked, to put it mildly, moth-eaten. A very put out Doctor then fled the lab to go to his barber to salvage the situation. Unfortunately only a military ‘high & tight’ cleaned up the mess. Thankfully, his part-alien hair grew back out to its former splendor in 16 days.