The intrepid hero dove from his small boat into the cool emerald green water and with a flick of his flippers, dipped beneath the waves into another world. Wondrous frondy weeds swayed around him, and he parted them with his hands as he swam, feeling their feathery caress against his fingertips and then along his naked body as he passed between them. Peering through his mask, he watched the underwater landscape unfold before him, magical and mysterious. Colourful fishes, both big and small, darted past him, going about their business, heedless of his intrusive presence.
For long minutes he remained just beneath the surface, breathing slowly through the tube he clenched firmly between his teeth, scanning the sea floor far below him. It wasn’t enough though; he knew he must go deeper if he was to find what he was seeking. Somewhere down below lay the wreck of Owen the Red’s pirate ship, sunk with all that black-hearted rogue’s stolen treasure still aboard. Our brave hero must find it and restore Lady Rhiannon’s family fortune to her. Maybe then he would be seen as an acceptable suitor and could claim her fair brother’s hand in marriage.
Knowing his beloved awaited, the courageous but penniless Jack of Harkness drew a deep breath through his breathing tube, filling his lungs before diving deep, powerfully muscled legs kicking steadily, propelling him down into the crystal clear depths. He would gladly risk any peril, dare anything, to win the right to wed his fair Ianto.
Three times he surfaced for air only to dive again, but at last… There, ahead of him… Was that a rusting cannon, encrusted with barnacles? Were those the rotting timbers of a long-sunken wreck, almost indistinguishable through the colonies of anemones and corals that had taken root on them? Yes it could be nought else! His long and arduous search was finally to be rewarded; he had succeeded where so many before him had failed, had found the long lost wreck! Victory was surely at hand!
But oh! What fearsome beast was this that guarded the sunken ship? Its long and powerfully muscled black tentacles lashed out without warning, clutching at our hero, seeking to hold him beneath the waves until the air in his lungs was spent! No! Surely this could not be our gallant hero’s fate, to come within a hand’s breadth of victory only to see it snatched from his grasp! Oh, say that sweet Ianto would not be left bereft by the untimely death of his one true love!
Ah, but brave Jack was no fool to venture on such a hazardous quest unarmed. Drawing his sharp and shining blade from the sheath strapped to his right thigh, he slashed at the tentacles, again and again, clouding the water with viscous black ichors… Take that, and that, foul beast! You shall not prevail! I shall defeat you and claim my prize! I have not come this far to be beaten at the last! I cannot, shall not, fail my beloved Ianto!
“Jack, what are you doing?”
Jack surfaced to glare at Ianto. “Don’t interrupt! I was in the middle of battling a terrible sea monster so I could retrieve your family’s stolen treasure from the sunken pirate ship of Owen the Red and win your hand in marriage!”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Really? I’m impressed that you can manage all that while snorkelling in the bath.”
“You should be; I’m being very brave and heroic! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a monster to slay.” Jack sank back beneath the water.
“Of course. Just try not to take too long about it. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes.”
A hand broke the surface, thumb proudly raised and Ianto nodded in satisfaction as he left the bathroom. It was really quite flattering the lengths to which Jack was willing to go in order to win his hand. It was almost a shame they were already married.