As Ianto entered Jack’s office with his mid-morning refreshments, Jack, who’d been slumped behind his desk looking half asleep, sat up straighter and reached out, making grabby hands. “Ooh, gimme!” He didn’t even let Ianto set the tray down on his desk before he was snatching at its contents.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “Look at you! You’re addicted!”
“Am not!” Jack responded, taking a drink of his coffee. “Well, maybe to your coffee, and definitely to you, but not to anything else.”
“Your waistline says otherwise. I saw you this morning, trying to breathe in deeply enough to fasten your belt. You’re developing a spare tyre.”
Jack shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll lose it the next time I die, when my body resets.”
“The very fact that you’re relying on death to manage your weight is proof of what I just said. You’re hopelessly addicted, and I’m cutting off your supply right now. It’s for your own good. You’re always either so hyper from the sugar rush that you can’t keep still or practically falling asleep when the high wears off, and drinking more coffee isn’t the answer. From now on, no more cookies, cakes, doughnuts, or other sugary things. Make the most of those biscuits because that’s all you’re getting until I say otherwise.”
“But Ianto,” Jack whined, “I’ll starve!”
“Nonsense, you’ll still get plenty to eat; proper meals, with fresh fruit, vegetables, and nuts as snacks, just nothing containing refined sugar.” Pushing his way around Jack’s desk, Ianto opened the drawer where Jack kept his snacks. “I’m confiscating this lot as well, so you can’t cheat.”
Jack was so stunned that he made no attempt to prevent Ianto taking his supply of sugary goodness, just sat there whimpering faintly. His eyes followed Ianto as the Welshman left the office, but he remained frozen to the spot.
When Owen went up to Jack’s office a while later, he found Jack slumped across his desk. “What’s up with you?”
“Ianto’s mean. He’s cut me off, making me go Cold Turkey,” Jack mumbled, voice muffled by the arm his head was pillowed on.
“Not what you’re thinking, Owen,” Ianto said, emerging from Jack’s bunker with a bag full of sweets and other snacks. “He’s been eating way too much sugar. It’s affecting his stamina and his ability to do his job. He refuses to cut down so I’m taking drastic measures. Nobody is to let him have anything sugary for the next month.”
At his desk, Jack just groaned.
“You’ll thank me later.”
Keeping Jack away from all the things he wasn’t allowed proved difficult, but Ianto was determined. He put a lock on the cupboard where he kept the team’s snacks, and never let Jack go out alone in case he went and bought sweets. As the weeks passed, Jack’s spare tyre melted away.
“There, you see? Don’t you feel healthier now?” Ianto asked.
“I suppose,” Jack agreed. “Only now I think I’m addicted to nuts.”