Banana in the Crosshairs

by NabikiB [Reviews - 2]

  • All Ages
  • None
  • Fluff, General, Humor

Author's Notes:
I never, ever write Canon.

Title: Banana In the Crosshairs
Category: TV Shows ยป Doctor Who
Author: NabikiB
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T
Genre: Romance/Humor
Published: 02-21-14, Updated: 02-21-14
Chapters: 1, Words: 1,048

Chapter 1: Banana Assault

Summary: Tenth has been brooding too Rose gets out the Time Lords: Care and Feeding Manual, reads through it and decides to get his attention with a little bit of invasive care...just a little. Needs to get his mind off of whatever is bugging him, doesn't she? ONESHOT

Banana In the Crosshairs

He had said little to Rose in days, barely looking up from his brooding...hell, he wasn't even tinkering anymore and it was starting to scare Rose.

"Old Girl, I've got an idea to get his attention off whatever he's immersed in...but it's a dirty trick, a very dirty trick..."


"Banana tamperage."


"Nothing serious or ongoing, no. Should only take once."


"Promise...involves nothing more than a food syringe and some non-banana fruit juice...just a taste-shock, yeah? Get his mind on other things, right? This should do it." She filled the food syringe with her selected fruit juice, carefully inserted the tip of the syring at the tip where the banana flower had been, not the stalk end, then in one or two other locations along one of the seams. Each time she deposited a couple ounces of juice. She left that one in the basket and tossed the rest of the bananas and poured out the remainder of the juice into the food recycler and turned it on. The empty can went into the metals recycler, which was nearly full so she ran that too.


"We need an excuse to go to the grocers anyway."


She took the last, loaded banana into the console room where her Doctor still sat on the jump-seat, head down and still brooding. She tapped him on the top of his head until he finally looked up at her.

"There's only one banana left and it's getting spots. Better eat it while you still can." She told him, handing it over and backing out of the way. She didn't want to be between him and the nearest sink...

He smiled a little, peeled it part way down, saw the minor bruises from the syringe and nodded. "Yup. Bruises. Should still be good though...thanks." He took a huge chomp of the banana, chewed once...then twice as an expression of absolute horror filled his face. He looked around for somewhere to spit, heard a growling chime from the ship in warning and bolted for the nearest bathroom. Behind him he heard Rose's "YEAH! GOT HIM OUTTA HIS BROODIN'!" and wanted to yell in outrage but he had to spit out that pear juice loaded banana first.

Afterward, he brushed his teeth five times before all he could taste was the toothpaste residue. He followed that with strong mouthwash just in case. He finally came out of the restroom, eyes alert and mouth set somewhere between laughter and outrage.

"You...pear-juiced the last banana..." He sputtered. "You assaulted my BANANA!"

"You've been brooding for most of a week...first time you've got off your ass in all that. Next time you scare me like that, I'll do something worse. Got lots of ideas, see."


" go take a shower, you smell...not good. Then I'll make dinner and you'll eat it...because if you don't everything you taste for the next month will taste like pears. Understand me, Doctor?"


"And? Bathe, Dinner, Sleep...cuz it's been two weeks and that's too long even for you."


She merely pointed down the corridor. She didn't tell him she intended to wait until he was half done in the shower and check in to make sure he was actually using soap.


"Well, that's not what I call washing, mister." She already had a hand on one of his bare shoulders and pushed him down to get him wet all over. "If you're going to behave like a five year old human, then I should warn you I've got lots of baby sitting experience." She lathered up the embarrassed, spluttering Doctor before he could protest. Once he was nice and soapy and his hair was full of lather, she rinsed her hands and arms off.

"Where are you going?"

"You can rinse on your own, Doctor. I need to get supper started."


"What? You walk in on my baths all the time. It's not like I washed you all over...though...I can wash your butt too, if, if you...need help..." She had concern on her face now, one hand already reaching for the soapy cloth. "That might be why the TARDIS agreed to this...okay then, lift up a bit so I can get to the important parts."

"What? No! No, no...I can do that." He snatched the cloth away before she could pick it up, a little panicked...because now he had no doubts...she would use it!

"Well, if you're sure..."

"Yes, yes...very sure...scoot."

"Don't take too long an' make me have to come check to see if you're broodin' again. You won't like what I've got in mind for the next time."

He actually gulped and watched her leave his en-suite with widened eyes.

"Okay, no brooding, none, zip, zilch, nada...scaring Rose Tyler is a bad idea...obviously." He muttered as he closed the curtain, getting to his knees to finish washing the bits she hadn't and then letting the water drain as he stood under the shower to rinse. "Washed me like I was a little boy...fed me a loaded banana...loaded with pear juice, YUCK!"

He hoped she understood that mucking with his banana would normally require payback...but, on the other hand, he had scared her...and if a mild shock to his system, via a truly vile flavor in his mouth, was her chosen method of getting his attention...

"Gotta think about this one. Might have to let her off on this one...even if it was my last banana."


ChapterTwo Up