Author's Notes:
Written to fulfill 2009 for dw_50ficathon on LiveJournal.

Throop was careful as he approached his target's abode, doublechecking his hold on the three plasma matrix disruptors. The long stems of their spiked green handles fit snugly into his gloved appendages, and he made sure that the concentric circles of red magnatom that formed the disruptors' lethal field were facing safely out and away from him.

It had taken many rotations of planning, but at last his destination lay before him: Bannerman Road, Ealing, Earth. He would kill Sarah Jane Smith, protector of the Earth, and then he would return to his home world with the news that their invasion could begin.

Slowly he crept forward, checking that there was no sign of movement from the home. He was ready to proceed when suddenly his plans fell disastrously apart: an Earthwoman emerged from the opposite dwelling and approached him. Her arm was upraised, her hand waving in a threatening gesture, and as she grew closer, she opened her mouth and showed her many teeth. She quickly came to within firing distance, displaying no regard for any danger despite the fact that his disruptors were plainly visible. Throop shuddered at the thought that she felt so confident in her ability to overcome the weapons.

"Hello!" said the woman at a volume that was far too loud for her proximity; obviously, this was another warning of her formidable strength. "I saw you coming up the road. Are you here to see Sarah?"

"I am here for Sarah Jane Smith," said Throop. He clutched the plasma matrix disruptors meaningfully.

The woman responded by showing even more teeth than before. "Oh, now aren't you sweet?" she said. "I'm sure Sarah will like those, but if you don't mind, can I make a suggestion?" Before he could so much as think of a response, she grabbed hold of his body -- physical contact! -- and then pulled him towards a large, wheeled enclosure that was sitting nearby. She opened it, and he gasped; inside was a huge quantity of disruptors, red magnatom all lined up and ready to be used. The woman reached in and nonchalantly grabbed at least a dozen of them by their spiked handles, then brought the magnatom up to her face. Rather than falling over dead, she sighed with contentment, then showed him her teeth yet again. "I know you'll think me terribly forward, but I just happened to have these in my van, and, well, if you don't mind a professional's opinion, they're much nicer than the ones you have there, and seeing as you're here for Sarah, well, I'd be willing to let you have some. I overstocked, as you can see" -- she gestured towards the enclosure's vast array of weapons -- "and I'd just as soon see them go to you than try to unload them for half-off. " Then she made a sort of high-pitched, punctuated sound that made him wonder if she intended to cut him in half right there.

"There is no need for half-off," he said, taking a step back.

"Oh no, my darling, I didn't mean you!" exclaimed the woman even more loudly than before. "I meant half-off for everyone else. I'll just give them straight to you. How many would you like? How about these ones?" she continued, and grabbed another set of disruptors, increasing the number of weapons in her hands to two dozen. "They're lovely, aren't they? Well, they should be, that's the name of my shop, 'Bloomin' Lovely,'" she said, and then she made the punctuated noise again.

Everyone else was to get half-off? Who could she mean to dismember in such a way, except the coming invasion fleet? How did she find out about it? And as for himself, she was promising to give him a lethal magnatom field from no less than twenty-four disruptors? And he had thought he was being ruthless by planning to use three.

His decision was as quick as it was inevitable. "There is no need to give them to me," he said. "I will go. I beg your pardon, please. I know that I cannot overcome you. I leave now." He gave a bow, and then retreated as rapidly as he could. His mission had failed, and the invasion would have to be cancelled, but who could have foreseen that he would meet such an opponent?

As he reached the end of the road, he stole one quick look back, and saw the woman staring after him. He would never forget the wide-eyed, open-mouthed look of triumph on her face.