Amy and Rory were putting away the groceries. A crack of lightning illuminated the room and they turned with smiling faces, to see a strange man standing in their kitchen.
He was tall, with a square jaw, cleft chin, and wearing a vintage World War II overcoat. “Why hello!” he said. His voice was more laden with innuendo than even River’s.
Amy and Rory looked at each other.
There was another crack of lightning. “Dammit, Jack! I said no personal settings!” River appeared in a billow of staticy hair.
“River?” Amy asked, in her stern mother’s voice.
“Won’t you introduce us?” the handsome man said with eager eyes.
“No, I will not!” River grabbed the man’s wrist and Amy saw that they were both wearing vortex manipulators. River reprogrammed the one on the man’s wrist with vengeful fingertaps.
“River, what’s going on?” Rory asked, the calm, slightly fatherly chiding in his tone brought River’s head up and dragged a reluctant explanation out of her.
“Nothing, nothing, just a game of tag. We exchanged vortex manipulators and were practicing tracking each other. No big deal. We’ll just be going.” She reached for her own wrist controls.
“River!” Amy’s voice whipcracked. She whispered harshly, “Who is this guy?”
“Captain Jack Harkness,” the man bowed with an elegant flourish, he stepped forward and raised Amy’s fingertips to his lips. “At your service.” His eyes offered all kinds of services.
“No you bloody well are not,” River muttered under her breath.
Jack ignored her. “And you are?”
Amy, ironically flattered, cocked a smile at him. “I’m River’s mother.”
Jack’s eyebrows flew up. His eyes glowed. His eyes flew up and down her long lovely form. “The beautiful mother of the delightful River Song? I am honored to meet you!” Suave charm virtually oozed out of every pore.
“And I’m her father,” Rory said in his best repressive Roman voice.
The man turned and his eyes poured over Rory with the same suggestive glance. “And your father’s pretty too,” he said, casting a flirty glance at Rory.
Rory stared at him, aghast.
“Come on. We’re leaving, right now!” River grabbed his arm and drew him away from her parents.
A harsh, groaning wheezing noise began, wind whirled around the kitchen. “Oh great, this is all we need,” Rory said as a pale blue box began to materialize in the corner.
The Doctor bounded out of the Tardis, arms outstretched in delight, “Amy! Rory!”
He saw Jack and River standing there. He froze. Jack was smirking. River’s eyebrows elevated. “Oh god.” He paled.
He turned and reentered the Tardis. And dematerialized.
There was silence in the kitchen for a moment.
Then Jack turned to a surprised Amy and Rory. He grinned, smugly. “He’s shy.”
Amy turned to stare at him, then at River. Suddenly she waved a hand in the air.
“I don’t even want to know.”