Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Series
The Doctor and Theta discuss how to get the monster out, but instead begin arguing, and things turn dark.
All day, as far as Theta could tell, the Doctor told her of the being in his head. How he hated feeling vulnerable, not how much he admired the being. He said it had been investigating his memories, and he thought it was looking for something.
"We'll, if that is the case, why not just let it finish and be on its way?" Theta asked.
"That would take too long. Theta , I have over 900 years of memories, the thing would die before it got through them all. I've seen...a lot," he answered.
"Okay, not an option," Theta hummed in thought now. "I have no idea! I have no experience, I'm useless!"
"No, Theta, you're not useless. If anything, you're the only one I have right now, because the TARDIS is trapped out," he told her.
"So... What do I do?" she asked.
"I have a plan!" the Doctor exclaimed, and began plotting it out.
"The brain has a map, just like land does. Currently, we're stuck in the temporal lobe, sight region to be exact. We cannot accomplish anything here, so we need to get to the region of the brain where telepathy occurs- the frontal lobe. But to do so, we need to cross emotional memory and motor functions. I don't exactly know how we will be affected..." he trailed off.
"So you're saying..?"
"We might run into painful memories and situations."
"Fun," she replied sarcastically.
"Not really," the Doctor answered, and crossed his jaw in thought.
"So we're down here," Theta pointed to a small section of the brain the Doctor had drawn in the dirt, "and we need to get here."
She drew a line, and the Doctor nodded and sighed.
"Is something wrong?" Theta asked.
"Yes, you're going to experience the Time War again. But this time you'll really experience it, it won't be like you're a ghost. You won't be physically harmed, but you might feel pain, and be mentally scarred despite the barriers I put up in your head," he said sadly.
"But can't you put up your barriers?" Theta replied.
"No, with the Midnight being in my head, it's disabled all of my telepathic abilities, it's taking over that region of my brain."
"It is. But that's not the point, the point is that I can't protect you, and that petrifies me," he said, and refused to look at her face. "I don't want you to get hurt, I'm afraid that it'll release the blocks in your head, and I've just now gotten you, it would kill me if I lost you now."
"I won't let that happen, if I come from the universe, if the universe is my mother, it won't hurt me," Theta said.
"How can you know, as much as I have tried to help the universe, another thing comes my way, to look at me like I'm the bad guy, to try and kill everything good. It's broken me, and I'm a tough, grizzled old man. I am the bad guy, and I can't see why you love me or chose me, I've committed two genocides, I've killed billions, and I still am. The delta wave is echoing through the universe, killing how many more. I am the Oncoming Storm, Destroyer of Worlds, I'm a warrior, I'm a killer-"
"Doctor, stop!" Theta screamed, as he drove himself further into his depression. "How many lives have you saved? How many times have you saved the universe? Without you, there would be no universe! Everyone who is alive, will be, and has been, would be dead, nonexistent. Comparing to the number of lives you've saved, the lives you've taken is infinitesimally small! If you give up now, and choose to believe what they would have you believe, then there is no point to anything you've done up to this point. I would rather walk away now than live with you in this state, because you are my life! When you choose to hurt yourself, you hurt me! It kills me inside! I can feel it, don't even think that you're doing what needs to be done and you're getting what you deserve, because you're lying to yourself!" she screamed, her voice cracked,and tears began streaming down her face. And it killed him, he was kicking himself, because he'd done it again, but this time it was all because of what he'd done.
Theta stormed away, about ten feet, enough, but she was still able to still see him. She sat down, wiped her face, and looked up at the sky as it began to rain. The wind was picking up, and the trees began to close in on them as they sat in the field, and all colours began to drain out. She sat with her knees drawn up underneath her chin, and she could see him standby stiffly, his back to her. His hands were balled up in fists, and she still couldn't believe that they'd fought. Here she was, trying to help him, trying to get this beast out of his head, but she didn't want to leave. She was regretting what she said right about then, and knocked her forehead against her knuckles, balled up on her knees. The silence was taken over by the ominous howling of wind, and she rubbed her eyes tightly, wiping away the last residue of tears.
"Don't blame yourself," he said to her in a whisper, "it's my fault, it usually is. For such a smart man, and as much as I look down on them, the humans, on earth. As much as I call them stupid apes, I'm more stupid than them. I have so much knowledge, yet I refuse to use it." He looked up at the sky, his short locks dancing on top of his head. His blue eyes mirrored the clouds, and he winced at the loud clap of thunder.
"Doctor," Theta called to him, feeling like a small child. She was scared as he turned around stiffly, only to see his war lorn face more hollow, sad, more destitute than before, and he smiled wanly at her. He saw her fear, more angry at himself for making her that way, how she balled herself up so small, and hid her face. Cautiously, he walked to her, relaxing his own body, attempting to appear as unthreatening as possible. He crouched down next to her, frowning when he saw the necklace he had given her in her hand, swinging like a pendulum.
"I'm sorry," he said, rubbing her back tenderly, "I forget sometimes, how ignorant I am."
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did," she said, furrowing her brow. He didn't like the look of worry on her face.
He was about to say something, when the rain began pelting down harder than the previous sprinkling. The tears on her face now mingled with the fresh water from the sky. Lightning crackled between the clouds, then suddenly, a huge burst hit only ten feet away, and the field began burning, despite the rain.
"Run!" the Doctor yelled, pushing Theta up on her feet, and leaping up to follow her as she made a beeline for the mouth of the field.
She ran, looking back to see if he was there, but she never saw him, and pressed on harder, not matter how afraid she was that she wouldn't be able to find him. The trees became more and more monstrous, their branches like claws reaching out, scraping her face. She leapt over a fallen tree, and ran as hard as she could, her heart in her throat, sticky sweat covering her. Goosebumps ran up her arms, and she shivered, her shirt was getting caught and torn on branches, and she was nearly wrapped up in a pricker vine. Her eyes were locked straight ahead, and she could hear growls from all around her. The light was dimming, and she turned to look back, seeing him there. But it was too late, when she looked back ahead as a crevasse lay ahead of her, and she ducked, rolling down the steep hill.
"Theta!" he yelled, and he could hear the leaves crunch as she went further and further away from him, faster and faster, then- nothing.
He screeched to a halt at the edge of the ridge, looking to see if he could see her, but the darkness swallowed her up whole, and only Rassilon knew where the bottom was, and when she would reach. A soft, startled whisper hit his ears as he closed his eyes and focused. He could hear her breathing, and took a leap of faith. The steep walls of the canyon became steeper as he stared down at his feet, falling, how well he knew the sensation, but he never got used to it.