“Doctor, we’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes! People are starting to stare!” Amy yelled impatiently, looking at the small group of onlookers who were staring at the TARDIS from across the street. She was sitting on the curb wearing her usual short skirt with leggings and a red shirt; her long red hair glistened like fire in the hot afternoon sun. Rory was sitting beside her in jeans and a t-shirt with a navy blue vest. She groaned in frustration and leaned her head on Rory’s shoulder. “I wish he’d hurry up.”
“Amy, you’re not a guy. You don’t understand these types of things,” he replied, putting an arm around her.
Amy pulled away from Rory and stared at him, clearly annoyed. “What’s there to understand? Men are stupid, that’s what. I don’t know why you men have such a fascination with inanimate objects. Always babying them and giving them pet names.”
“Well, in this case, the TARDIS is alive, remember? So the Doctor is perfectly justified in behaving the way that he is,” Rory said as the two of them looked over to the automated car wash entrance where the Doctor had parked his mud-caked TARDIS. He was standing near his ship. From where they were sitting they could hear him talking but they couldn’t make out what he was saying because he was too far away.
The Doctor was looking at the control panel trying to choose from the many different selections of car washes available. He wanted only the best for his TARDIS but he couldn’t decide. There were too many selections to choose from.
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry I got you really dirty. I wasn’t expecting the hillside to break away in a mudslide that would cover you in mud,” he told his beloved TARDIS. “That was so much fun though! It was like sledding! Sledding in a TARDIS, haven’t done that yet before!” he exclaimed excitedly, fidgeting with his hands as he talked. “Next time we’ll try it with snow. Real proper snow! Then you won’t get dirty, I promise. I’m making it up to you now. Tell you what, we’ll get you clean and then I’ll give your systems a complete maintenance overhaul. I know how much you love me fixing you up.”
He was still trying to decide what setting to pick when he heard Amy call to him again. “Doctor, hurry up already!”
“Yes, yes, I know,” he mumbled. He scratched his chin and adjusted his bow tie, still trying to decide. He didn’t want regular because regular was just plain boring. It didn’t have any extra bubbles or wax or anything. Deluxe had the wax but he wasn’t sure if it would be good for the wood finish, even though the TARDIS could survive nearly anything that space could throw at her.
His fingers hovered over the buttons, switching from button to button, clearly indecisive until… “There! That’s the one!” His eyes lit up when he saw the button for the Ultimate Bubble Blizzard. The description claimed that it had extra soap, bubbles, and wax that could clean anything and make it look brand new again. His face fell for a moment when he realized it cost £10. He frowned. He didn’t have any money. How would he get the TARDIS clean? And then it hit him.
Amy and Rory were starting to roast in the hot afternoon sun which was blazing high overhead. Amy had to put a hand to her forehead to block the sun enough to make out the Time Lord, who was running over to them. “Are you done yet?” she asked the Doctor.
“Amy? Can I borrow some money? I promise that I’ll pay you back, though not with money because I don’t have any. I’ll make it up to you some other way,” He asked sheepishly as he fidgeted nervously.
Amy let out a groan and fished into her purse for a tenner. “Look, I don’t care if you pay me back or not. Can we just go already? I’m starting to bake!” She held out her hand with the money and the Time Lord quickly snatched it up like an eager kid and ran back over to the car wash.
He put the money in the machine and hit the button for the Ultimate Bubble Blizzard. The TARDIS was on the conveyer belt outside. As soon as the Doctor hit the button the door opened and his ship started to move through the car wash.
The whole outside of the car wash was covered in windows and he could see everything inside. Giddy like a kid at Christmas, the Doctor followed along beside his ship from the outside as it made its way through the car wash. Humans had the coolest technology! He happily watched as his once mud-caked from top to bottom TARDIS got sprayed with jets of warm water, covered in pinky sudsy bubbles, buffed, waxed, and gently blow-dried to perfection. He quickly ran ahead to the other end so he could see his ship emerge. A few seconds later the door opened and out popped his TARDIS looking cleaner than ever.
Amy and Rory caught up with the Time Lord at the exit. They were eager to leave. Of course, the Doctor was too busy admiring his ship to care. He excitedly walked around the whole outside of the wooden box, taking her in from every angle.
“OOO! Look at you, you sexy thing!” He laughed gleefully. “See, isn’t that better? You’re as good as new! We got that bad mud off of you and now you’re back to being the bluest-blue box all over again!” He put a hand to the wooden door and ran it down her, lovingly stroking the wood. It was the deepest, bluest-blue. He could feel how smooth and clean the wood was. It was polished to perfection. He could even make out his reflection. His hand squeaked over the wood. “Ha ha! See?! She even squeaks!” he told his companions excitedly. “Now she’s squeaky clean! Blimey, you are gorgeous, you sexy thing, you!”
The Doctor was interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing. Amy was staring back at him unimpressed. She had her arms crossed over her chest, though there was a slight hint of a smirk on her face. She couldn’t believe how ridiculous her raggedy man was being. Unfortunately, it would have been a lot funnier were they not baking in the hot sun. All she wanted to do was leave. “Do you two need a room or something? Can we go now?” Amy asked impatiently, with a slight smile.
The Doctor stopped and turned to Amy and Rory. They didn’t look too pleased with him. He quickly pulled his hand back from the TARDIS and grinned brightly. “Right,” he said as he adjusted his blue bow tie. “I know exactly where we can go next! Did you know there’s a planet, Arc-En-Ceil, that has multi-coloured water? All the lakes and rivers and even the raindrops are rainbow coloured! Even the waterfalls! You haven’t seen a waterfall until you’ve seen one of these!”
“Sounds good,” Rory said.
“I can’t wait!” Amy exclaimed. She was excited and she couldn’t wait to get out of here. She felt like she was melting in the heat.
The Doctor opened the door of the TARDIS and motioned for them to go inside. “Come along, Ponds,” he said cheerily. They went in first. When he was sure they weren’t looking, he quickly gave his TARDIS a loving pat before walking in after them. He closed the door behind him. A few seconds later there was the familiar sound of the TARDIS groaning and wheezing as it dematerialized to go off on another adventure.