by vvj5 [Reviews - 6]

  • All Ages
  • None
  • General, Humor

Author's Notes:
Written for the wonderful ClocketPatch in fandom_stocking 2012.

Contains background Eleven/River/Romana II.

“Rory,” said the Doctor, who was suddenly in his kitchen without invitation or warning, and pulling a chair up to the table. He beamed. “Hi.”

“Amy’s not here and I haven’t had my breakfast yet. But hi.”

“Rory, Rory —”

“All right, what is it? And I’m not going near the TARDIS, okay? She’d kill me.”

The Doctor gave a deliberate cough. “Can I talk to you? You know… man to man.”

“No!” Rory paused, and then tried again, with less high-pitched panic. “I mean, maybe. What about?”

“Well, you know River —”

“Yeah, but, look, Doctor, I don’t want to hear —”

“Oh. Yes. Well. Um. Forget it, really.”

Rory looked up. “Okay, just tell me.”

“Well, she was here last night. Popped by, you know. She does sometimes. And so was another old friend. Well, she wasn’t really there, but still —”

“You’re making even less sense than usual, you know that? Do you want to, I don’t know, start again and try breathing in between this time?”

“Breathing. Right.” The Doctor did so. Then he frowned. “That helps?”

“Never mind.”

“Time bubble thingumy. Moment of captured time unexpectedly present in one of the old rooms. Amazing what turns up. Can’t keep it, though. The TARDIS did her best, bless the old girl —”

“Okay. Right. So, you, River and this friend of yours who wasn’t there…?”

“Romana. Yes. Well. It was all very nice. Two of my favourite people and everything — and then, well, River had this idea —”

Rory only narrowly avoided an incident with his Rice Krispies. “Doctor, if this is going where I think it is, I don’t want to know. Ever. I mean, I should probably… I don’t know. Tell you off or something.”

“Well, it didn’t. I mean, it did. It’s just — Rory, I’m not sure we did it right.”

“Oh God,” said Rory, trying not to panic. “Doctor, you do get that I’m trying to eat my breakfast here?”

“Well, you see, after Romana said it’d be easier to go in turns rather than all at once, because it’s hard enough working out where all the bits go if it’s only two of you — just imagine the muddle there’d be with three. Even more if one of them was a Venusian —”

“What part of I really, really don’t want to hear this do you not understand?”

“Well, I can’t ask Amy, can I?” The Doctor looked hurt. “I thought —”

“No. You can’t ask Amy. Don’t ever mention anything like that to Amy. Ever.”

“Anyway, what I wanted to know before you interrupted me — again, Rory, that’s rude — is is it usual in a three — er — thingy — situation for one person to spend most of the time in the corridor?”

Rory relaxed. “Not that I’m an expert, Doctor, but I think that means, technically, you didn’t have a threesome at all.”

“Ah,” said the Doctor, and smiled. “Not that I minded. I fixed some of the couplings and read two Dickens novels. Anyway, we spent the rest of the evening in the wardrobe room. Turns out River and Romana have lots of things in common, although I think you should have stern words with River. If she goes through hats at that rate, I’m not going to have any left.”

“So, nothing actually, er, happened, then? No, no, I didn’t ask. I don’t want to know!”

The Doctor only grinned again. “Oh, I expect if I hadn’t taken notes in the first part, they’d have let me stay. I’ll remember not to do that next time.” He stopped, and looked momentarily sad, deflating a little. “Well. If we ever meet with anyone else I like.”

“Doctor. You took notes?”

“And diagrams. Useful things, diagrams.”

“Right. Yeah, well, can’t think why they made you go and sit in the corridor, then.”

“I’m a scientist. I keep records. Diaries and things. When I remember. And Romana’s right. It is difficult to know where all the bits go — even if River says there’s no need to make something perfectly simple sound like a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle.”

“She has a point.”

“And, look, we had our little conversation. Not so bad, was it?”

Rory shook his head. “It was okay. Fine, even, yes. And now, Doctor, what I’d really like is to finish my Rice Krispies in peace.”

“I know a little place where they do great Rice —”

“No, Doctor!”

“I mean, fantastic Rice Krispies — they really do snap, crackle and —”

“These’ll be fine, thanks. Think about what Amy would say if you take me off somewhere, lose me, get me killed again —”

“Pop. I… think I’ll just go then, shall I?”

Rory grinned. “Not that I’m not pleased to see you. Just — after breakfast next time, okay?”