Author's Notes:
Hello, readers! As some of you know, there’s going to be a sequel to Birthday In(sanity)! It’s called Birthday in (Un)Paradise, and it will probably come out at the end of January. I hope to see you then!


“Hey, is this thing on?” Five muttered as he turned on the camcorder. When a light indicated that the camera was on Five smiled.

“Hello, One! Sorry you couldn’t make it to our Christmas party,” he began and adjusted the camera so it had a view of Ten’s console room, on whose walls hung decorations and one corner held a gigantic Christmas tree, where dozens of ornaments were hung.

Five turned the camera back on himself. “Which happens every year. if you keep on cancelling on us, I’ll get the impression that you don’t want to be with us.” Five frowned for a second, but then smiled again. “But that can’t be true. Besides, we’re all having fun, right, Nine?”

Nine was currently frowning at the scanner on the console. “Ten’s playlist is awful! There’s not one good Christmas song for the party on here!”

Five checked the scanner. “There’s Joy to the World.”

“That’s not the type of music you hear in the background as middle-age men drink eggnog shots, is it?” Nine said.

“Wait, there’s alcoholic eggnog in here? I brought non-alcoholic eggnog in here!” Five exclaimed, slightly panicked.

“I told you someone will sneak some in here,” Nine muttered. “Now if you excuse me, I’m getting a snack.”

As Five went to figure out who brought alcoholic eggnog to the party, he left the camera on the console, and it faced the snack table, where Eight was currently stuffing some appetizers into his pockets.

Nine went to the snack table and asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

Eight stopped stuffing his pockets and said rapidly, “The refrigerator in my TARDIS is broken so I’m getting my food here.”

“Can’t your screwdriver fix it?” Nine questioned.

Eight shook his head. “My refrigerator is made out of wood.” He gripped Nine’s shoulders. “Please don’t tell Five, he’ll get really angry.”

Nine pushed Eight off him. “What? I’m not going to tell on you! in fact, I’ll let you take the whole table!”

“What?” Eight said as Nine found a trash bag and began to pour food into it. “Why?”

“Because I want to. Besides, who’s going to eat all of this food anyway. Not us. We’ll be too busy getting drunk to eat.”

“Thank you!” Eight gave Nine a hug after Nine finished gathering the food. “It seems like you’re in the Christmas spirit this year!”

“I know,” said Nine grumbled. “And I hate it. I mean, when has any of us been nice to each other during the holidays?”

“Never,” Eight agreed while the both of them looked at a scene right next to them, which was Eleven and Two having a eggnog drinking contest.

Both of them were gulping down eggnog pretty quickly until Eleven stopped and gasped, “I can’t take it anymore!” and collapsed.

As soon as he did, Two stood up and cheered, “Finally, I properly beat you at something!” and promptly laughed in Eleven face.

Two’s celebrations were cut short as Five grabbed the camcorder and yelled, “Four, why did you sneak alcoholic eggnog in here?”

The camcorder focused on Four as he said, “Because we never have a good party without a drink first. Am I right, Doctors?”

After all the Doctors made sounds of agreement, Five sighed. “Well, at least we still have food.”

He turned the camera towards the food table, which was now bare. “What the hell happened?” Five yelled, and Eight gripped the trash bag he had behind his back harder. “Now the party is ruined!” Five groaned.

“We still have the annual Christmas photo!” Six said, and Three nodded.

“Oh, right!” Five said, smiling again. “C’mon, everybody, gather around the console!”

He put the camcorder on a stool, facing the growing crowd of the Doctors. He got out another camera and placed it on a camera stand facing the Doctors. “This is on a 10-second countdown,” Five explained, pointing at the camera on the camera stand. “Then it’ll take the picture. We only have one shot, so please, guys, don’t do something silly.” The Doctors secretly grinned at each other as Five joined the group.


“Alright, let’s see the picture!” Five said cheerily. When he saw the photo, his smile gradually disappeared. Two and Three were bickering, Six was making a silly face at the camera, half of Four was in the shot, Nine was frowning with his arms crossed, Seven was sleeping on the console (and snoring), Eleven tried to smile but looked in disgust at Seven, who was drooling over his shoulder; and only Ten’s shoes were in the shot.

Five rolled his eyes. “You’ll never take this seriously, will you?”

“Nope,” Six replied cheerfully. “Especially if One receives the photo.” All the Doctors nodded.

“Then what can you do?” Five asked tiredly.

“Maybe we can sing carols,” Three suggested. “But in another room. And without that camcorder recording everything we do.”

“What?” asked Five, clutching the camera closer to his chest and screwing up the camera’s focus for a few seconds. “But why?”

“This whole party is embarrassing,” Six said. “I don’t want to record it and have it be in the hands of One forever. He’s so gonna mock at the next party.”

Five sighed. “Alright, I’ll turn off the camera.” The Doctors filed out of the console room, Two carrying a snoring Seven with him.

Five turned back to the camera. “Sorry, One, but the story ends here. I hope you laugh at this for years to come.” Five was about to turn off the camera but retracted his hand. “Oh, wait, I almost forgot.”

Five put on his biggest smile and said, “Happy holidays and Happy New Year to all you readers out there! See you next year!”

Five reached out to turn off the camera.