Beer!” squealed Five as the elevator door opened to an empty bar. The center of the bar was occupied by a long, rectangular table with 11 chairs around it. In front of each chair was a glass, and at the center of the table were a bowl and assorted alcoholic beverages, including vodka, scotch and beer.
As Five gawked over an alcoholic’s dream, Six’s face was drained of all color. “We are really determined to get drunk on our birthdays, are we?”
Seven smiled as he led Six to a seat at the table and sat beside him. “Don’t fret, Six. I don’t think the other Doctors will go overboard like last time.”
“Speak of the devil,” muttered Six as the Red team showed up.
As they sat down at the table Ten looked eagerly around the table. “I’ve hadn’t had a drink in ages.”
“There’s a good reason for that,” Six said darkly.
Eleven looked up from the latest issue of Sonic Screwdrivers Monthly he brought with him. “Come on, Six, it’s gonna be alright. For most of us, anyway. Hey, did you know the newest iScrewdriver is coming out on December 6th?” Six rolled his eyes.
Further down the table Three and Four were betting who was going to last the shortest. “I think Nine would go on longer than Eight. Definitely longer than Five,” said Three as he counted how much money he had in his pocket. (So far all he has found were some marbles, a winning lottery ticket, a few dust bunnies, and a nickel.)
“Anyone can last longer than Five. Well, anyone except Ten,” said Four as he laid 10 pounds on the table. He looked across the table at Three. “This is yours if Five wins.”
Three smiled and waved 20 pounds in Four’s face. “This is yours if you win.”
Four was appalled. “How dare you choose me! I’m sure I can hold my liquor better than Ten!”
Three’s grin widened. “That’s what’s so genius about it. You’re not the worst one here, but I know the Master, and I’m sure none of us are safe.”
“Fine, then I’m changing my bet to you then.”
Three could only shrug before the Master appeared at the head of the table. “Welcome to the First Annual Doctor Birthday Drinking Contest!”
Nine paled. “I have to be with these idiots every year?!?” he groaned.
The Master shrugged. “You’ll get used to it,” he said dismissively. “Anyway, the rules are simple. You drink from the glasses at the start of each round. If you can’t drink the whole glass as soon as the next round starts, you’re disqualified. Last one standing is the winner. Got it?” After seeing everyone nod, he added, “Instead of you guys drinking one alcoholic drink, you’re going to drink them all, together!”
The Master demonstrates his point by mixing all the alcoholic drinks on the table, which included beer, vodka and scotch into one bowl and pouring the resulting solution into each of the Doctors' glasses. Eleven's face turned green by just looking into his glass. Three suspected he wouldn’t last long. “You know what, Four,” said Three as he eyed the green solution that was now in his glass. “I’m changing my bet to me, too.”
Four began to smile but grimaced as the Master poured the alcoholic solution into his glass. “This is going to be a long night,” he muttered as Two threw up under the table.
"Everyone ready?” asked the Master. He grinned as the Doctors reluctantly nodded. “Alright then! Bottom’s up!” The Doctors eyed their drinks one last time before draining their glasses.
As soon as he finished, Eleven spat the concoction back into his glass. “This is disgusting!” he exclaimed.
“One down!” the Master said. He sipped into his own glass and smacked his lips thoughtfully. “Tastes like carrot juice.” He grimaced.
Further down the table, everyone was getting refills for the next round. Four sipped his drink and said, “I know what this needs.” He reached for his bag of jelly babies and poured some into his glass. He sipped his glass again. “Mm, much better.” Three only looked at him in disgust.
“Get ready for Round Two!” shouted the Master down the table. “Ready, go!” As the Doctors finished the round two, they started feeling the effects of the alcohol. Nine started to slur, Ten started to mutter gibberish in Gallifreyan, and Four added a dozen jelly babies in his drink.
After Round Three, Ten's muttering became shouts, Eight knocked him out with a hammer shortly before knocking himself out, and Seven started to sing some lullabies in French.
After Round Four, Three sliced his glass in half while practicing his Venusian aikido, Six ran to the bathroom, and Five started to mutter something about reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.
After Round Five, Five blacked out and Nine stood up, yelled, “Goodbye, cruel world!” and promptly blacked out. That left Four and Seven, on opposite ends of the table.
“Well, this is unexpected,” the Master commented as he poured the last of the alcohol into their glasses. “Drink up.”
Four glared at Seven as he poured the rest of his jelly babies into his drink. As Four drained his glass, Seven stared at his; watching for invisible swirls in its murky depths.
“I am going to regret this,” he muttered. He then drained his glass. The Final Round was on.
The Master watched the scene with excitement. He’d drugged their drinks with a special chemical that doubled the effects of the alcohol. He chuckled as he leaned back on his chair. This was going to be an epic final round.
Both Doctors looked like they were gonna throw up at any second. As Four started to sweat, Seven plucked the celery on Five’s coat and sniffed it to calm his nerves. As the seconds ticked by, Four thought that his insides were going to explode as Seven stood up.
“I quit,” he muttered before collapsing. Four celebrated his victory by blacking out.
"The score is one to one,” Eight said as he clapped Four, who was mad that he didn’t earn 20 pounds on Three’s bet, on the back after they all recovered. “We can actually win this!”
“I doubt it,” said Nine as he walked into the elevator. “I’m pretty sure the next challenge is harder than a drinking contest, and I want to face it with all of my team members sober.”
“We’re all s-sober,” slurred Ten, who was being supported by Eleven. Ten was currently trying to guide a water bottle to his mouth while staying standing with little success.
“You-,” said Nine, pointing at Ten, “are going to have a terrible hangover in morning.”
As they all piled into the elevator, Eight asked, “I wonder what’s on the next floor?” As the elevator door opened, the Red Team gaped in shock.
Eight looked over at Ten, who was leaning most of his weight on Eleven, and said, “We might be screwed.”
"This is not good,” muttered Seven.
“I’ll say,” agreed Six. They came out from the elevator into... an airplane that was in the air.
“Well, at least it’s not dragon slaying,” Three said.
Five just stared in shock. “It’s like Time-Flight all over again!”
Two scampered over to the rack across the room. “Look, parachutes!” he exclaimed, waving some backpacks at the rest of the team.
Six paled. “It looks like we’re jumping out of this thing.”
Seven grimaced as he pulled on a parachute backpack he got from Two. “As the Eleventh Doctor would say, ‘Geronimo!’”