The man in the tuxedo smiled and extended his hand towards Tosh.
“Bond,” said Ianto, approaching the two. “James Bond, 007 to be precise.”
Bond raised an eyebrow.
“How do you know that? Who are you? And where exactly am I?”
“Ianto Jones, at your service. Sorry to have to tell you this, Mr Bond, but you’ve fallen through a Rift in time and space into an alternate universe.”
“Afraid so. In our universe, you’re a fictional character.”
“Fictional? As in…?”
“Novels and a popular movie series.”
Bond looked mildly perturbed,
“Well, that explains the bright light and rough landing. Q has always insisted alternate universes exist, if only he could discover how to access them. The old boy will turn green with envy when I…” He trailed off. “He’ll never know, will he? This is confoundedly inconvenient; I was in the middle of a rather urgent assignment, now I’m stuck in… Where did you say this is?”
“Cardiff. Don’t worry, we’ll get you home, Miss Sato here is a genius, our version of Q you might say.”
Bond took Tosh’s hand, kissing it.
“Enchanted to make your acquaintance.”
At the Hub, Bond met Jack and was subjected to his best flirting.
“Is he always like that?” Bond asked Ianto.
“No, he’s usually much worse.”
“How do you put up with it?”
“I threaten him with decaf.”
Bond sipped his coffee appreciatively.
“Yes, I can see how that would be effective.”
Gwen was star-struck, giggling and blushing at Bond’s comments. Owen was his usual grumpy self.
“Interesting people you work with.”
“Don’t let appearances fool you, they’re actually quite competent.”
“That’s comforting to know,” Bond commented dryly.
“Tosh will call when we’re needed. Meanwhile, let me show you around.”
Bond found the tour fascinating.
“I wonder if my universe has a Torchwood.”
“Wouldn’t surprise me at all. I wonder if I work for Torchwood there.”
“If you don’t, I intend to have you employed at MI5.”
“You’re too kind, Mr Bond,” Ianto smirked.
“Think nothing of it, Mr Jones.”
Just then, Tosh called them over.
“Rift spike in fifteen. You’ll just have time to return to your arrival point.”
In the alleyway, Bond shook Ianto’s hand.
“It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr Jones.”
“Likewise. Safe trip, Mr Bond.”
With that, Bond stepped into the Rift portal, and vanished.