by badly_knitted [Reviews - 4]

  • Teen
  • None
  • Humor, Standalone

Author's Notes:
I had the basic idea for this years ago. It went through many rough drafts in my head, using the characters in different combinations, but I could never get it right. Then recently the whole thing came to me, complete with dialogue, and was written in about 15 minutes. I'm quite pleased with the way it turned out.

“Ianto! IANTO,” Jack’s voice bellowed from his office, sounding urgent and…. was there a trace of fear?

Owen wandered up to Jack’s office and found their fearless leader standing in the middle of his desk, his eyes glued to the corner of the room. He sniggered.

“What’s up?”

“Where’s Ianto?” Jack asked, without turning.

“Dunno, archives probably.”


“Dare I ask why you want him so badly? Or would the answer just scar my mind even more than it is already?”

“Spider!” Jack shuddered.

Owen laughed. “Where?”

“There!” Jack pointed.

Owen looked… There was a mad scramble, then Owen was standing on the desk beside Jack, gripping his arm so tightly it was bound to bruise.

“That’s not a spider, it’s a bloody elephant with too many legs!” he exclaimed.

They stood there clinging to each other, unable to stop staring at the corner in case the monster moved while they weren’t looking.

“What do we do?”

“Wait for Ianto, he’ll know what to do.” Jack sounded so certain Owen couldn’t help but believe him. The captain’s faith in his Teaboy was unshakeable.

About ten minutes later, Tosh walked in with her nose in a file. She looked up and stopped dead at the sight that greeted her.

“Um, why are you both standing on the desk?”

“Spider!” they both stated in unison, pointing at the offending creature.

Tosh looked, shrieked and dropped her file. Seconds later she was on the desk clinging to Jack’s other arm.

Hearing the shriek, Gwen came to investigate.

“What the bloody hell are you lot doing now?” she asked with a grin.

“Spider!” they chorused, again pointing at the corner.

“You’re not all scared of a little spider, are you?” she mocked, staring into the shadows where they were pointing.

“Oh, God, it’s massive!”

And then there were four clinging together on top of the desk, which was how Ianto found them when he returned from the archives half an hour later.

“Ah, there you all are! I was beginning to think you’d all gone out without telling me.” Ianto didn’t seem at all surprised that they were all standing on the desk. He’d long since got used to the odd behaviour the team sometimes exhibited. “Coffee?”

“Love some,” said Jack, “but first… Could you do something about that spider over there?” Jack asked meekly, pointing at the corner.

Ianto looked. “Spider?” he asked, sounding puzzled. He went over to the shadowy corner, bent down and picked something up. Jack was so distracted that he didn’t even give Ianto’s excellent backside a passing glance.

“You mean this?” Ianto turned, holding something large, black and fluffy in one hand. “It’s not a spider, it’s that fur glove we were playing with the other day. I was wondering where it had gone. Honestly, the lot of you need your eyes testing!”

Four very sheepish people hopped down to the floor, trying desperately to pretend they hadn’t spent the best part of an hour standing on a desk clinging to each other, in mortal fear of a furry glove.

Ianto shook him head, grinning, and tossed the glove to Jack. “I’ll book you all in with the optician, shall I?” he smirked, then headed off to make coffee.

The End