Phone Tag

by Canadian Whovian [Reviews - 3]

  • All Ages
  • None
  • Humor


“Hello, this is Captain Jack Harkness. I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m busy doing something…or someone. Leave a message after the beep.” BEEP!

“Jack, it’s me, the Doctor. I’m just on my way to Cardiff right now. The weeping angels are here. Whatever you do, do not go outside. I should be there in a few minutes.”


“Hello, this is the Doctor. I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m either showering, in another time period, running for my life, or in prison, probably the latter two. Not the best holiday, mind you, but at least the rooms were free. Leave a message after the beep, and I’ll get back to you… Oh, wait! Before I forget make sure you tell me who you are and your location and time period. One time I had left a message for myself and I went too far back in time and I almost saw myself. It would have caused a paradox that could have ripped half the universe apart. Good thing that shower curtain was there to hide behind. I definitely have a new appreciation for shower curtains after that. Anyway, don’t forget to leave a message after the beep.” BEEP!

“Doctor, it's Jack. You know I’m surprised you didn’t run out of space for your voicemail message. You really should change that. I knew you could ramble on, but nobody’s going to leave you a message if they have to listen to that every time. So what’s a weeping angel? Do you really have to be so vague? And why haven’t I heard of them before?”

“Hello, this is Captain Jack… message after the beep.” BEEP.

“Jack, you should be fine as long as you stay inside. If you come across an angel don’t blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink.”


“Hello, this is the Doctor…after the beep.” BEEP.

“Actually, I’ve got some bad news to tell you, Doc. I’ve been out all night trying to track weevils and I’m still outside right now. How worried should I be?”

“Worried. Very worried. The weeping angels feed off of the energy of what could have been. If they touch you, they zap you back to the past and you have to live out the rest of your life there. Seeing as how you’re immortal, the angels can probably sense that you’re a fixed point in time and come after you. It’s an all you can eat buffet for them Jack, and you’re the main course. If you see one they look like stone angel statues. They don’t move while you are looking at them, but when you blink or move away that’s when they make their move. Where are you? If I can get to you I can help.”

“Doctor, I’m in the cemetery right now. There are lots of statues that look like angels.”

“Right, I think I know the one. I’ll be there soon. Now here’s the bad news. I’ve only got five minutes of minutes left on my phone. Let’s hope I can get to you before then. Stupid unreliable phone.”

“Don’t blame the phone, Doc. If you’d actually use the thing regularly then you’d know to top up your minutes. Course, I’m surprised you know how to use the phone at all. For a man who knows his way around technology, you sure have trouble with phones.”

SHRIEK! “Ah! What was that?! I think I just heard something. It’s so dark out here it’s hard to see. Oh, wait. It’s just a cat. I’m almost there, just a couple of blocks away.”

“You sure scare easy, Doc. I hate phone tag. How can we keep missing each other? Are you sure you’ve got your ringer on?”

“Jack, you seriously need to think about changing your voicemail message. Even the hello sounds like a flirt.”

“Are you coming on to me, Doctor?”

“In your dreams.”

“Actually, that’s pretty funny, Doctor, because one time I dreamt that you and I were in bed and- Wait! I thought I just saw something move.”

“Why am I not surprised? I’m almost there, Jack. I can see the- AHH!”

“Doctor?! Doctor, are you okay?! Did you see them?! Oh, no! There’s one right in front of me! Don’t worry I’m not blinking. Oh, great. Now there’s two more! How am I supposed to stop more than one?”

So far Jack was doing a good job of not blinking, even though he really badly wanted to. His eyes were beginning to water. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. The sight of the angels terrified him. Their faces had changed into snarls and their stone arms were outstretched, trying desperately, yet oh, so patiently to reach him. If there was one thing the angels had it was time. Existing for untold centuries being nearly unmoving and inanimate, time was of no consequence. They would take as much time as it took to capture and consume their prey.

It was like they smelled his fear. Like they knew he was fresh meat to feed off of. One touch, the Doctor said one touch was all it would take. Well, Jack thought to himself, not if he could help it. “Sorry to disappoint you ladies but you’re not going to get me that easily,” he stated to the angels. With their fierce stares, the angels’ eyes felt like they were burrowing into his soul and eating with up from the inside out.

He knew he only had a few seconds before he’d have to blink and they’d move. He slowly backed up, keeping the angels in sight, only to trip over an object. Damn! It was a gravestone. He saw a flash of movement in the shadows and felt something cold and hard brush up against his arm.

Moments later, he screamed as he found himself falling from midair and landing on something hard and definitely not grass shaped. Wherever he was, it wasn’t Cardiff. It was a sunlight meadow in the middle of nowhere. Jack heard a grunt, and a figure crawled out from underneath him. It was the Doctor, in his long, tan coat. His tie was askew, hair all disheveled, and he had a displeased look on his face as he stared at Jack.

It took Jack a second to register where he was. He just looked at the Doctor with a huge, cheeky grin on his face. “They got you too, huh?”