Can't escape you

by fate_incomplete [Reviews - 1]

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  • All Ages
  • None
  • Angst, Missing Scene, Standalone

Author's Notes:
Set after God Complex

Snowflakes drifted in haphazard patterns as the TARDIS landed, swirling and shifting, those that touched it melting. The TARDIS settled in the snow drift with one last whir. Inside the Doctor pulled levers and pushed buttons, refusing to let his eyes wander to the door, and think of what lay beyond it.

He shouldn't be here, had tried to put it all behind him, as he wandered the universe alone, finding whatever distraction he could. Yet those distractions were never enough. Not enough to block the memories, the lingering thoughts. The doubts and regrets that followed him everywhere.

No matter how far he roamed, he couldn't escape.

He fussed with the console, checking the monitor, and fussing some more, until his hands finally stilled. His head dropped as he closed his eyes, forcibly resisting the urge to sigh again. He tried to stand firm, but the urge was too strong, his eyes opened and he glanced at the door, not really seeing it.

Instead he saw the snow covered street outside, imagined her, out there somewhere. He imagined her laughing, pacing about her kitchen, looking out a window. All he had to do was walk out those doors and down the street to her. She would be there, waiting for him, as she always had.

Leaving her behind had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Every minute since had been a fight, a fight to not turn around and run back to her. To take her in his arms and never let go again.

A litany of leave, just leave, ran through his thoughts. The words reverberating through his bones, yet he found himself moving, taking slow steps towards the door, until his hand reached up to the latch. His fingers caressed the cold metal, wanting to both lock the door and throw it open.

Cursing himself for his weakness, he turned the latch and opened the door. A rush of cold air buffeted him, caressing his skin like a forgotten lover. He closed his eyes and breathed in the chill air, the scent of Earth unmistakable, stirring emotions and memories best left forgotten.

He looked down the street. He could see her door, not a hundred meters away, thought he saw movement behind a curtain. With a sudden surge of strength, he stepped back, slamming the door shut.

Breathing heavy with emotion, he slumped his head forward, hitting it against the door softly, the dull thud echoing in the emptiness around him. His fingers shook as he locked the door, denying himself the comfort she could bring.

"Ahh, just leave!" He growled to himself angrily.

Pushing himself away from the door, he ran up the steps. Slamming levers, he punched in coordinates, not even sure what they were, closing his eyes as he tried yet again to bury his emotions as the TARDIS phased, taking him away from her.

Completely lost in his thoughts he stumbled, unprepared as the TARDIS landed again. Without checking the monitor to see where he was, he ran. He ran down the steps, throwing the doors open. He ran outside and kept running.

Whatever world this was, it was snowing here too. Losing his footing, he stumbled and fell. The icy ground cut into his knees. He relished the pain, losing himself in it, in the biting cold. That pain he could deal with, so he stayed slumped on his knees in a drift of snow on some unknown world.

Snowflakes clung to his hair and jacket. He had no idea how long he stayed there, unmoving, soaking up the emptiness around him until it drowned out everything else. He stayed until he could barely feel his limbs, stayed until the numbness found its way to his hearts.

The Doctor finally stood. He turned and walked back to the TARDIS, setting each foot grimly in front of the other. Moving on the only way he knew how, one foot in front of the other, hoping he would one day find a way to escape her, his Amelia.

.........................


She looked up, her breath catching at a half heard sound. Almost afraid to move, afraid she had imagined that sound, as she had a hundred times since he left. Amy stood slowly, her legs stiff, unwilling to move. She reached for the curtain, her hand stilling half way there.

She swallowed thickly and closed her eyes as her hand moved forward again. She pushed the curtain aside, afraid to open her eyes and for him not to be there, as he hadn't been every other time. She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly again, before she could bring herself to look.

Snow drifts coated the street. The world outside white, blank, empty. Devoid of the one thing she wanted to see, to hold, to never let go.

Amy let the curtain fall, stubbornly fighting tears. Unable to shake him, she ran outside, sure that this time she had heard something, that he must be there. She crossed the street, eyes searching, and somehow finding the barely discernible depression in the snow. She dropped to her knees, reaching out a hand to run her fingers through the snow, tracing the hazy outline of something that was no longer there, as more snow began to fall.

Rory found her sometime later. She smiled for him, and let him lead her back inside. Amy went back to waiting, unable to let go of the hope that one day, he would be there when she looked. That one day he would come back for her, as he always did.