"Oy! Oy! Open up, Spaceman! I know you're in there!" It was three in the morning, and Donna wasn't taking no for an answer. She thumped her knuckles on the TARDIS door in a merciless rhythm until finally the door flew open.
It was a man, and it wasn't the man she was expecting. He had sticking-out ears, and he was naked.
Donna put a hand over her eyes in shock. "Who the bloody hell are you?"
"Who am I? Who are you? Is this what you do? Randomly bash on doors and ask strangers who they are?"
"I'm sorry mate, but you and I know this isn't some random door." Donna reached out, eyes still covered, and snagged an ear. She reeled the man in and looked into his face. "I am looking. For the Doctor."
"You. Have found him." The man eased his ear away from her fingers. "Wait, how did you find me?"
Donna held up the thingy. She didn't have a name for it, but she'd built it in the night out of her mother's iPad and things in her granddad's shed. The words sunk home. "You're the Doctor? THE Doctor? Time Lord? Two hearts? Wait a minute." She pinched her nose, and the Time Lord knowledge that lay uncomfortably in her mind shifted and threw out a random word. "Regeneration, right? You've regenerated, or something, since we last met." She leaned against the TARDIS door; accessing that part of her mind still sent her into a spin.
The Doctor's voice was wary now. "Who are you? I don't know you. You're a time-traveller? You human?" His eyes narrowed. "No, you're not completely human, not anymore."
Another voice, American by the sound of it, joined the chorus. "Ooh, nice! Chrono-interferometer. Custom job." A hand snatched the device from her hand, and Donna heard faint beeping. "And Angry Birds! Rose, get over here, you don't know this game, but it's going to be huge in 2010."
Donna took the hand away from her eyes. "Rose? Rose. Oh, and Mr Handsome, I remember you." She took in the naked tableaux before her. "What is this? Is this a nudist colony? When you regenerate, you form a nudist colony in the TARDIS with Rose and Mr Handsome."
Jack grinned a wide and naked grin. "I haven't met you yet, but clearly I made quite the impression."
Rose, draped in a sheet, moved closer to the door. "Do we know each other? Maybe we're not in the same time line."
"Oh, for heaven's sake," said Donna. "Now I know why she has the diary."
"Who's she?" said the Doctor, suddenly curious.
Donna shook her head, and smiled. "Spoilers."