"This is all your fault."
"Yes. If you weren't so obsessed with killing the Doctor we wouldn't be in this mess."
"You’re the one that let him get into the Tardis. Don't you know anything about Tardis security?"
"Of course I do!"
The Master scoffed. "Then why did you leave the lock on standard so any idiot could get in?"
"Oh shut up, you over grown maggot."
There was a growl as the dinosaur at the bottom of the rock face peered up at them hungrily.
"And did you have to let that thing out of the Tardis?" The Master edged back further from the cliff edge as far as he could go.
"I couldn’t just leave him in there to die."
"Him? You sentimental old hag. What are we supposed to do when he gets hungry?"
The Rani grinned. "Well if that situation arises, it’s a simple matter of me pushing you off the cliff first."
"This is ridiculous."
"Oh, do stop whining."
"I am a Time lord. I do not whine."
"You’re an idiot."
"My dear Rani, you must be growing tired, your insults are becoming debile."
"I'll show you who's becoming debile." The Rani grabbed his shoulder, kicked his feet out from under him. The Master yelped in surprise, the Rani's firm grip the only thing keeping him from the hungry dinosaur below.
"What was that? I didn't quite catch your apology over you screaming like a girl."
The Master grumbled. "If I die you'll never get your Tardis working."
The Rani laughed. "Please. I know for a fact you failed temporal mechanics."
"Well at least I didn't cheat."
"Cheat? Me? Never."
"Don’t give me that rubbish. Everyone knows how you persuaded,” the Master’s voice dripped with innuendo, “Drax to steal the exam paper for you."
"How do you know that?" the Rani shouted, her ire caused the Master to slip slightly and he yelped as sixty sharp, bone crushing teeth snapped at his nether region.
"How do you think?" said the Master, grinning despite his predicament.
"Bloody Doctor! I should have let you kill him when I had the chance."
"Precisely. Now will you please let me up!"
The Rani smiled viciously. "Well, since you said please..."
The Master barely had time to yell before he smacked full force into the wall of the cliff ledge.
"There's a good dino. Come to daddy."
"You're a barbarian."
“Would you rather he was eating us for breakfast?”
“I would rather not have to listen to you prattle on like an old woman.”
“Well, at least I’m trying to do something practical.”
The Rani snorted. “Practical? You’re poking a sleeping dinosaur with a stick. What, exactly, is that supposed to achieve?”
“We can’t stay up on this retched rock face forever!” snapped the Master.
“I wasn’t planning to, I assure you.” The Rani had that mad gleam in her eye, the one that meant that she was plotting something vile. The Master didn’t like it one bit.
The funny thing about bees is that when you accidentally step on their hive, they tend to get a bit miffed.
“I thought you said this planet was uninhabited,” hissed the Master, ducking as an angry bee swarmed for his head.
“Oh, I’m sorry, was my Tardis catching on fire inconvenient for you? I’m so sorry I couldn’t check the scanner properly before I had to run for my life.”
“You know, my dear Rani, your voice has this irritating way of becoming shrill when —“
“If you finish that sentence I’m going to put my heel through your face.”
“Insufferable wench,” muttered the Master.
“Where is he?” whispered the Master.
“How am I supposed to know?” the Rani hissed back, her voice echoing in the deep cave. “I haven’t suddenly developed the ability to see through walls, you buffoon!”
The dinosaur gave out an almighty roar, its face suddenly appearing at the mouth of the cave.
“You blustering hussy!” cried the Master. “Now look what you’ve done!” The Master gave out a very unmanly squeal as the great reptile eased further towards them.
In a moment of aberrant chivalry, the Master gripped the Rani’s arm and edged her slowly backwards, the dinosaur’s large, glassy eyes following them closely.
“Would you get off me!” The Rani wrenched her arm free from the Master’s grip, causing him to stumble over his own feet, landing face first on the cave floor.
The Master lifted his head up, spluttering out dust and grime, only to come face to face with a very hungry looking T. Rex.
“It really is quite fascinating how large he’s grown in such a short time,” the Rani said scientifically.
“Yes, fascinating,” agreed the Master weakly. “Now, now, Dingo, you don’t want to eat me. I’d taste horrible. Eat her,” he gestured towards the Rani. “She’ll taste much more succulent.”
“You traitorous little worm!” said the Rani.
The twin suns were setting in the horizon, casting long, dull shadows across the barren landscape. In the distance, Dingo the dinosaur was playing raucously with a hive of bees, running in lumbering circles as they stung his tail.
“You know, I think I’m going to miss Dingo when we leave,” said the Master wistfully.
The Rani rolled her eyes.
“No, really. He’s quite a good pet when you think about it.”
“When he’s not having you for lunch, you mean?”
The Master shrugged. “Well he does have a brain the size of a pea.”
“I think your confusing yourself with the dinosaur.”
The Master shot her an insufferable look. “And we were getting on so well.”
“Yes, two days without so much as an innocuous slur.”
“Must be the twin suns.”
“Get out of my way!”
“No, you get out of my way!”
“It’s my Tardis.”
“I’m not letting you leave me on this wretched rock, you calamitous crone!”
“And I’m not letting you steal my Tardis so you can continue your reckless folly of trying to kill that inane twerp in all his multi-coloured glory.”
“Ahhh!” The Master screamed as the Rani got him in a headlock. She was astoundingly strong in this regeneration.
“Like you, I have no qualms about killing a fellow renegade,” the Rani hissed in his ear.
“You wouldn’t dare!” exclaimed the Master, outraged.
“Try me, fool, and it’ll be the last thing you do.”
“Fine! Strand me here,” said the Master. “But I swear, once I get off this planet, I’ll kill you myself.”
The Rani. “You and what army? You couldn’t kill a dog if it dropped dead in front of you.”
The Master growled in anger. “I will not be bested by a woman!”
The Rani’s gripped tightened, cutting off his air supply. “You already have been, my dear,” she said sweetly, hurling him away from her in disdain. He landed in the sand with a small thud.
“Goodbye,” said the Rani, half way into her Tardis. “Don’t let the dinosaur eat you.”