Author's Notes:
This drabble is based on the Seventh Doctor novel Bullet Time, in which Sarah ends a hostage standoff (someone is using her against the Doctor) by shooting herself. I'm not sure I accept it as canon, but this is what she might have thought afterwards. Also, the title is from Reliant K's "Forgiven."

She can’t forgive him this time.

Her last thought before the pain stole her mind, the solid anchor through weeks in hospital, the burning coal driving her on in physical therapy, always the same six words: I can’t forgive him this time.

She had dreamt of him sometimes, when the morphine couldn’t numb the pain. But not this him, not the Scottish gang lord named Pendragon. She’d imagined him, soft greying hair and green velvet coat, saying her name when she could barely remember it herself. She’d pictured his curly hair spreading in all directions, his strong hands wrapping her in that monstrous scarf to keep warm.

---You make a good doctor, Doctor, she’d said to these hallucinations. And he’d smile, offering her a jelly baby that kept slipping out of her hand when the nurses changed the IV.

In her waking hours, she remembered his eyes when she’d pressed the trigger on Tom’s gun. Any concern was masked behind expediency. He had to save the world.

She had been in the way.

Even now, she knows she couldn’t have chosen differently. The only way to end the standoff was to dispose of the hostage…to shoot herself. She remembers her fingers on the gun, unshaking. It wasn’t like she needed to aim.

He let her. After all the times he’d rescued her–all the times she’d saved him–he left her to die on that dock.