Jo had to admit that she was not the brightest apple in the bunch, but she knew that she wasn't stupid. For one thing, it was pretty obvious to her that everyone in UNIT was gay.

She had trained as a spy, sort of, after all. She knew how to observe people and what their body language meant. Look, for example, at the way Mike tended to avoid Benton's eyes when ordering him about. Clearly a sign of true love.

It was quite sad for Benton, really. Rumour had it that his parents had refused to give him a first name, intent on him getting a career that dispensed with the need for such things. Of course, other rumours said that his parents had called him Sergeant, believing it to be French for something. Which it might well be, for all Jo knew about the French. In any event his personnel file didn't list a first name, and the army was usually right about such things. Unless they were being incompetent, and no one could ever accuse UNIT of incompetence.

Mike's middle name was Hunt, which apparently was funny but Jo couldn't work out why and nobody wanted to tell her.

Anyway, they were obviously in love. Jo knew a lot about love, having read any number of romantic novels before she grew more literary and switched to science-fiction. Jo thought they were quite sweet together.

The Brigadier... well, he was in love with the Doctor. It was the way he just twitched his moustache and agreed to things with a sigh like some long-suffering wife. But, alas, the Doctor only had eyes for the Master.

Jo sighed involuntarily as she thought of it. She had to admit that the Master was both dashing and charismatic. Yes, he was evil, but... well, there was something about him. And it was rather romantic, how he kept trying and failing to kill the Doctor. Love wouldn't let him succeed, apparently.

There was — she had to admit — a very slight possibility that she was wrong about all of this, that Mike's clumsy flirting and the Doctor's ever-present concern for her were hints of heterosexuality. Unlikely, but she had learned that the world was a much stranger place than people usually assumed it to be.

Jo had nothing against the gays, it was all groovy to her. She was open-minded and besides she thought it was quite... well, erotic. She wouldn't say no if Mike sheepishly asked her to watch him and Benton engaged in the act of lovemaking. But that would probably never happen. Jo could be quite the realist at times.

“Jo!” called the Doctor, distracting her from her romantic thoughts of love.

“Yes, Doctor?” she asked, in case it was important. He liked it when she asked questions.

“Some poachers have found a glowing alien in a mine!”

“Gosh!” said Jo obediently. This sounded like the usual formula for adventures, and therefore she could expect danger and cunning escape plans.

“I think the Master is behind it,” said the Doctor, stroking his mouth thoughtfully.

Jo nodded. The Master was usually involved somehow. It was almost a weekly occurrence. It just proved how much he loved the Doctor.

“He's a bounder and no mistake,” said the Doctor, believing that he had her full attention.

Jo managed not to smile at the Doctor's romantic description of his lover.

The Doctor picked up his velvet cape and slung it across his shoulders. “Come along, Jo, there's no time to waste!”

Jo trotted after the Doctor, certain that whatever the danger, a gay time would be had by all.