Rory was in a meadow. It was slightly-artificial looking but... nice. Yes, nice was the right adjective. It was inoffensive and bland and perfectly captured the atmosphere of... niceness.

He looked around. On a small hill there was a pale pony with brown hair floating slightly in the wind. It had a picture of a police box on its side. It somehow exuded an aura of tweediness. Apparently someone had turned the Doctor into a My Little Pony. Well, that was a first.

Rory headed over to the hill, which is how he became aware that he too was a pony. He was walking with four legs and — he gave an experimental swish — yes, he had a tail.

“Don't panic,” said the Doctor when Rory reached him. “This is just a dream.”

“Why are you in my dream?”

“How do you know it's yours?” asked the Doctor with a little sniff. “I have this dream a lot.”

“Right,” said Rory. “The Oncoming Storm... dreams about being a My Little Pony.”

“Don't say it like it's weird.”

“Sorry, but it is.”

Another pony trotted up to them. This one was white with orange hair. It had a duck picture on it.

“Amy?”

“Oh, God, not this again,” said Amy.

“You've had this dream before?” asked Rory, now even more puzzled.

“Yeah, I thought it was just me eating weird alien food, but now I know the horrible truth.” She glared at the Doctor as best she could with her benevolent anime eyes. “I'm not happy about this.”

The Doctor ducked his head slightly. “Sorry. I thought the truth would make you think less of me. Anyway,” he continued, "I should explain now that we're all here.”

Amy and Rory looked at him expectantly.

“After the last pollen incident I set up a defence system in the TARDIS to make sure any shared dreams were benign in nature. You don't get much more benign than Ponyland. No swearing, no lying, not even bodily functions. So we can safely sit this all out here in these lovely surroundings.” He smiled at them, which was quite impressive when a smile was the default pony expression anyway.

Rory nudged Amy with his nose. “Does this seem weird to you? I mean weirder than normal?”

Amy nodded. “Yeah. But what do you expect from him?”

“Oi!” said the Doctor. “At least Rory's here this time to keep you company.”

Rory looked from one horse to the other. “Did you two come here alone? Without me?”

Amy nuzzled at his pony hair. “Don't worry, we're not anatomically-correct.”

“Doctor, do you dream about Amy?”

“Of course I dream about her, we live together. Sometimes I even dream about you.”

“Oh. They're not... sexual dreams, are they?”

Amy hit him with her tail. “Don't ask if you don't want to know, there are no lies in Ponyland.”

The Doctor nodded. “She's a clever girl. That's why I like her.”

Rory looked down at his hooves. “I suppose I don't really mind. It's not like you can decide what to dream about.”

Amy sniffed. “I know it's not my dream or you'd kiss now.”

Rory looked up at her. “What?”

She would have shrugged but she was a pony. “I think we should be open about our desires, even if those desires are about two hot men having sex with each other.”

The revelations were interrupted by a sort of neighing laugh. It sounded more or less like “Mwahahahaneighhhhaha!”

The Doctor looked round quickly. “Oh no!” he cried.

Rory followed his gaze. Galloping towards them was yet another pony, this one entirely black with suspiciously bleached-looking hair. It didn't have anything on its side, or rather it did but in the same shade of black so it wasn't actually visible.

“Doctor?” asked Rory, who didn't think this was going to end well. “Who's this?”

The new pony skidded to a halt in front of them. “Finally I have you in my power, Doctor!”

The Doctor was forced into the truth by the power of pony. “This is my ex-boyfriend, the Master.”

Amy and Rory looked at each other. Finally Amy said “You call him the Master? Is there something we should know?”

“It's not a sexual name,” said the Master irritably. “Honestly, I never used to get this. Humans have such filthy minds these days.”

“He's not a nice person,” said the Doctor. “We're sort of arch-enemies.”

“Okay,” said Amy, “that's not in any way weird.”

The Master turned round a few times trying to get a good look at himself. “This isn't the scenario I had planned. What have you done, Doctor?”

The Doctor explained again but with more technobabble this time.

“That's not fair!” whined the Master. “You're supposed to dream up horrible nightmares and die of fear!”

The Doctor trotted over to the Master and nuzzled his ear. “You don't really want me to die. Go on, you can admit it here.”

“Well, I suppose I don't,” he admitted. “But I did want to kill the humans. I don't like sharing you with apes.”

Amy's pony apparently had in-built slash-goggles. She sighed. “This is so romantic.”

Rory didn't think so. “This man's dating our daughter. What if he turns her evil?” He thought for a moment then added “Again. What if he turns her evil again?”

“I won't,” the Doctor protested, “I don't usually have this problem. The Master's just a bit strange. Trying to kill me is his way of showing affection.”

“I see,” said Rory, who didn't quite.

“So, as you can see,” the Doctor continued to the Master, “we're safe and you've been defeated by the power of positive thinking. Again.”

“I hate you,” said the Master. He poked the ground with a hoof. “Can I at least kill one of them? Just one. You can't possibly need both of them.”

“No,” said the Doctor. “You can't even kill Rory.”

“Thanks,” said Rory. He was a bit tired of dying. It left him with a terrible headache.

“Hmph,” said the Master. “In that case I'm going to run off and leave you all alone with these people who will never fulfil your need for another of your own kind. So there.” With that he galloped away into the distance and vanished over a hill.

The Doctor sniffed sadly. “He knows me too well.”

Amy nudged his nose with hers. “Would it make you feel better if we all had sex with each other when we wake up?”

“A bit,” said the Doctor rather sadly.

“Um,” said Rory, “I'm not gay.”

“Aliens don't count,” said Amy.

“Oh.”

“I think,” said the Doctor, “that we should just enjoy Ponyland while it lasts. I may be deeply miserable, but it's hard to stay sad in a place like this.”

Indeed it was. And so the Doctor cheered up, Rory didn't have to be gay, and Amy didn't get the threesome she so desperately wanted. And the Master would inevitably return in a later adventure. So, all in all, it was a happy ending.


THE END.