I sleep with Captain Jack Harkness. Captain Jack Harkness pays my wages. And doesn’t that just sound like the flimsy plot of a very bad porn movie...
It’s not what it seems. I’m not a whore, for starters. I work for a top secret organisation hunting down potential alien threats to Earth, which sound like the coolest job in existence, right? Yeah... I’m the butler/receptionist/dry cleaner type person. I’m very behind the scenes. Jack, however, is the gun-slinging, sex-appeal-exuding dashing leader. Basically, we’re polar opposites. He sits about all day combing his hair and thinking up flirty one-liners to say to aliens on a killing spree, presumably to embarrass them into going away and stopping shooting people. He sits about looking pretty and being the fearsome leader, and I organise the Archives and bring coffee.
I don’t mind working so much. What you have to understand about Jack is that he’s perfect. Seriously. He’s beautiful. In every way, clever as they come, and liberated and freedom loving and totally outrageous. Another thing you have to understand about Jack is that he’s mine.
Gwen is a complication. She and Jack go out on missions together all the time, and it’s easy enough to see that she wants him. She always stands too close to him, leaning in like she’s thinking about kissing him. Sure though I am that she won’t cheat on Rhys again, that she wouldn’t go for Jack properly, that she won’t look as good in a UNIT cap as me, I need a way of keeping him as mine and of marking him as my lover. And as usual, the answer lies with a stopwatch.
I put the stopwatch in my waistcoat pocket this morning. I’ve kept it on me all day, because I know that he’ll be with her in Flat Holm soon. He has to remember me.
Before he ran off to save Gwen from her idiocy, and to explain to her to keep her nose out of that which doesn’t concern her, I put the stopwatch in his pocket. He knows it’s there; he helped me to place it properly, and then pulled it out of his pocket again whilst he timed how long it took me to make coffee. Long —running jokes are the best. And then I helped him on with his coat, like the butler I am, and he ran out of the Hub and went to stop Gwen being stupid.
I’m picturing him with her, talking and laughing in that easy way that he has. In my mind’s eye he can feel the gentle weight of the watch, reminding him of me, of the intimacy of fixing it there for him. My faint scent clings to the watch and every now and then he smells coffee and chocolate, and I am thought of. Visions of me smiling and laughing dance through his mind, and he smiles just slightly, and I know that I matter.
When he gets back, I take the watch out of his pocket and place it in the box by our bed. It will stay there, cooling gently, until we can think of something else we can do with stopwatches. But until then I know that I am not just a part time shag, and I do matter.
I sleep with Captain Jack Harkness. Captain Jack Harkness loves me.