I hate the word couple. It’s all pretty and pink, and perfect. It doesn’t match what we have- we’re dark and harsh and strong. And damaged. We cling to each other because we recognise ourselves in the other, seeing mirrored our hate and our power. I may be silent and he may howl at the darkness, but underneath, we’re the same. But not a couple. Couple implies intended marriage, and kids, and houses with mortgages. The idea that either of us could want that with the other seems absurd. Torchwood doesn’t really work for couples; we see too much fear.
I hate the word couple. I’ve been part of many, seen so many halves of my couples fall apart and die, and crumble, leaving only me to struggle on. Couple means no one else, but I need the others to help me learn to live again without the other, when they are long gone. Ianto needs to know that I can’t go through the hurt of losing him, another half of myself, because if I lose him, I might never recover; I’d have lost my hope and my will and my heart. Immortality doesn’t work for couples- I see too much loss.
I love the word couple. It reminds me of innocence, and safety, away from all the harm and the hurt the world has to offer. I want to share that with Jack; want to let him know that I’ll keep him safe, because that’s what couples do. They protect each other. They live their lives, arguing over tiny things, having their own bubble of calm, where the only thing that matters is whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, or buy milk, and weevil murders are of no importance. Torchwood works for couples- it helps them see what’s important.
I love the word couple. It makes me think of sharing, and of never being truly alone because you have the other person in your thoughts; you can long for them, but know that they’ll be there for you, there’s no desperation, no abandonment. Couples know all about each other; know how they like their coffee, how they’d caress, and how they’d gasp when they came. How they’d die for each other. I can do that for Ianto. I have done that for Ianto, a thousand times, and then some. Immortality is good for couples- it allows them to protect.