Author's Notes:
Because I've always wanted to do a '5 things' fic. And now I have. They're thun! :D

I
He Often Knows The Truth Anyway
“”Good expedition, sir?”

Jack swung around to see Ianto smiling at him innocently.

“Yeah,” he said, unnerved. “Just, y’know, taking a stroll.”

He headed towards his office, taking the steps two at a time.

“And if that stroll happened to take you into a shop, where you just so happened to get my birthday present and it turned out to be a pair of silver cufflinks, I might just be rather happy about it, and grant you a free rein tonight.”

Jack's look of shock was fleeting, until the implication sunk in and he went to find his handcuffs a happy man.



II
Certain Privileges Are Withheld
“Aw, come on, Ianto. Please?”

Even the sight of Jack sprawled, naked and wanting, across the bed would not sway Ianto’s mind.

“Maybe this way you won’t blame Owen next time a scaly amphibian appears in the Bay and it gets mysteriously blown up over the strangely forgiving Welsh man sent to retrieve it.”



III
The Coffee Tastes So Much Worse
“That’s a Cappuccino for Gwen, Espresso for Owen, Latte for Tosh and Decaf for Jack.”

“What?”

Jack's eyes took on characteristics similar to those of a wounded puppy. He even pouted.

“Don’t tell me the aliens made you do it then. No race on any world would want to make you have sex with the SUV.”

Jack looked vaguely abashed, and begrudgingly accepted the Decaf.



IV
You’ll Never Find Anything Ever Again
“Ianto!”

“Yes, sir?”

“Where’s my letter to the Ministry of Defence?”

“You mean the one you spent four hours painstakingly writing, in which you tried not to sound too rude and yet still subtly persuaded them to let you take jurisdiction of the Barry Island incident? The one that you asked me to put in an envelope for you, being very careful not to lose?”

“Yes, that one.”

“No idea, sir.”



V
You Could End Up In Archives For Days
“Anyone seen Ianto?”

Jack's team shrugged at him.

“Said he had some stuff to do in Archives, and that you shouldn’t disturb him,” answered Owen. With that, Jack headed straight into Archives.

Three days later he emerged into the belly of the Hub once again, looking remarkably dishevelled and sporting several cuts.

“Ianto!” he gasped. “Why the hell do we have a six-legged monkey down there?”



VI
Sometimes, It’s For The Best

Jack cradled Ianto’s head in his arms, letting the younger man sob into the rough material of the greatcoat.

“It’s okay, Ianto. It’s gonna be okay.”