Universe is cruel

All Ages
None
Alternate Universe, Angst

Author's Notes:

So, Cathie is 8 months old. In this chapter she much more developed then a normal human child. Let's say it's just superior phisiology and psycology... whatever. She's gallifreyan and that's it.

Mummy is sleeping. It’s good. When she’s asleep she’s relaxed. She’s even joyful sometimes. She’s never happy though. I like it when she sleeps. She doesn’t hurt then. She doesn’t know how to hide it from me but that’s okay. Really. I am small, but I understand. I lost Daddy too. Mummy loves him. I think that if I knew him I would love him as much as she does. But I’ve never met him. Mummy told me everything about him. About his TARDIS. I don’t remember what that means, but that was something magical and complicated. I don’t know this word. Com-pli-ca-ted. But Mummy uses it when she doesn’t know how to explain something in a few words. She forgets about me sometimes. Not entirely, just for a few moments. But it’s okay too. She loves me more than anyone else now. We are together now. Mummy and I. No one else. All those people around. They don’t understand. Even that man with green eyes and warm smile. He let Mummy sleep. He’s a good man. But he doesn’t understand. And I didn’t understand him. He talked so much but I couldn’t feel his emotions. It’s so strange. I always know how Mummy feels. Granny and Granddad were easy to read too. Everyone else… They were silent. That man wasn’t. The Doctor. He is the Doctor, but he’s not Daddy. He’s different. I can feel him a bit, but it’s too quiet. Wasn’t he downstairs? Mummy is sleeping. It’s good. I think I can go out and look for him. That’ll be so cool. Mummy wouldn’t know. She’s asleep now and even if she wakes up she’ll feel I’m okay. And if I stay here, I’ll wake her. And Mummy needs her sleep. She doesn’t hurt when she sleeps.

***

Cathie climbs down the bed where Rose is asleep for once and stumbles to the door. She isn’t used to walking on her own for long. She’s quite good at that but still. Rose’s been carrying her around for the whole day. She just needs some practice so here she goes! The doorknob is too high. She could bang on the door until someone came and opened it. But then she’d wake her mum and that’s not the plan. So she decides to push the chair to the door. She’s never done anything like that. It’s hard even to walk on her own! She stumbles to the chair. The seat is just below her eyes and the whole piece is huge and heavy. After a few minutes she manages to move it a bit. If she were any other child she’d leave it and forget the whole getting out thing. Well, if she were any other child she wouldn’t be walking now in a parallel world. Another half an hour and the chair is next to the door. Now all she needs is to climb onto the seat and turn that doorknob. If only it was that easy for an 8-month only tiny girl. She nearly falls when she hears Rose turning in bed and pauses for a second to make sure her mum is still asleep.

When she finally got the door open she’s suddenly scared. If Mum brought her here, then she’s safe. But it hurt her Mum more than leaving Gran. The girl is suddenly doubtful but curiosity wins the fight. She walks along the wall in the direction of the voices. She’s tired and it’s really hard walking. She thinks of continuing on her four, but it doesn’t feel right. She’s Ex-plo-ring. Another word Mum uses when she’s found somewhere she shouldn’t be. Okay. She’s nearly at the top of the stairs now. No way she could go on standing as grown-ups do. She sits, turns her back to the stairs and starts her way. One. Two. Three… oh, four. That was close. Better not hurry or end up bruised. Mum wouldn’t like it. Five. Six. Seven…

“Oi, what’re you doing here?” Ouch. The Man.

“Ex-plo-ring.” It’s better to play clever. Or not. He’s close now.

“Hm, good for you. Can I join you?”

Cathie nods and the man sits next to her. “Doc-ta?” she asks.

He smiles at her tenderly, ‘Yeah. And you are?”

“Ca-thy.”

“Nice to meet you, Cathie. So, what were you looking for?”

Hm, well, she hasn’t thought about it yet. She wanted just to find the people. She also wanted to leave the room. She wanted to find him but she has no idea why. More than 10 words, isn’t it?

“Comp-li-ca-ted,” she manages. It’s really hard to hold a conversation. Maybe she should have played silly.

“Wahaha. Difficult word, isn’t it? Try dimensionally transcendental. Oh, or Raxicoricofalapatorius, Rose loved that word,” he watches her puzzled look. “Okay, sorry. So. As far as you were looking for me, and I’m quite sure I can be called complicated for that matter. So what do you want to do now?”

The Doctor watches the baby looking at him with her huge eyes. He suspects that little conversation they shared has almost drained her. How old is she? 8 months Rose said? She’s good, this little one. He can’t help the proud smile turn on his face. She’s not his daughter. Not really. But there’s something about her… He feels her in his mind. It’s not as overwhelming as it was in the TARDIS so long ago. But she’s still there. She looks at him curiously and he feels the presence getting stronger. He knows that if he accepts and establishes that connection with her now, he’ll be as good as a father for her. He knows any Gallifreyan child really needs that kind of connection to keep his or her senses. And now… that he’s the only one except for this little girl left… He needs to talk to Rose before he makes this step. The Doctor’s lost in his thoughts when he suddenly feels tiny fingers press to his temple. He hasn’t noticed the girl climb a few steps up and now he doesn’t have any choice then to connect to her properly. She’s already caught him off guard and now the process is unstoppable. At least he has to finish it properly. He turns and settles the girl on his lap. She stretches her little hands trying to reach his temples again fascinated with the sensations she’s just had. He sighs and presses his own fingers on her tiny temples.

***

Rose wakes up to the sound she’s never heard before -- her daughter’s laughter. She turns on the bed to find Cathie on the floor playing with the Doctor. She sits on the bed staring at him. He catches her gaze and swallows.