Author's Notes:
PG most likely. Doctor/Romana, Romana/Duggan, Doctor/Doctor's Ego.



The Doctor was staring at the console with a metaphorical 'Do Not Disturb' sign over his head. He occasionally flicked a switch and once he said "Ah!" in his usual expansive manner, but for the most part he just stood there, sulking.

Never one to heed signs, Romana distubed the Doctor by offering him tea, only to get scowled at. Bastard.

She set his tea down on the floor next to K-9 and sipped her own calmly. "Have you lost your yo-yo again? Have you looked behind the sofa in that cupboard full of unassembled tables from IKEA?"

The Doctor made a non-committal noise and casually kicked K-9 in the side. The dog backed away from him, antennae twitching sadly.

"Is it your marbles?"

"No!"

Well, at least it was an actual word.

"Is it about Duggan?" It was usually an ego thing when the Doctor went into one of these silences. Once she had beaten him at chess in five moves and he hadn't spoken to her for three days. "You haven't picked up monogamy from the Humans, have you?" Romana gave the Doctor a concerned look. "I had no idea it was catching."

"Of course not!" The Doctor shoved a hand into his hair and shook the curls in annoyance.

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I'm not upset!"

"You kicked our dog."

"It was our holiday!" he said, with a tone that begged for a protracted argument.

"And I had a lovely time. Are you sulking because I didn't pay enough attention to you?" Romana had done some research on the Doctor before meeting him, which amounted to meeting Leela for about five minutes shortly before leaving Gallifrey. So she knew about his capacity for epic sulks and that if anything happened to the Doctor, Leela was going to cut her hearts out and make her eat them. Charming woman, very impressive thighs.

"You almost destroyed Paris! Do you really think I would sulk about your torrid dalliances with a Human rather than something like that? Hmm? What sort of a man do you think I am?"

"A tall man with a very large sense of his own importance?"

The Doctor nodded. "I can't help being important, it's just the way I am. People adore me. It must be my winning smile and my dazzling wit."

"When you were born they threw away the mold."

"It wasn't really mould. More of a benign fungal decoration."

"Anyone who says otherwise is just spreading scurrilous rumours."

"Exactly. Now, why would I, of all people, be jealous of a mere Human, eh? I know how wonderful I am, I don't need people to tell me." He paused significantly.

Romana wasn't in the mood to stroke his ego, but K-9 had a good sense of self-preservation. "The Doctor-Master is wonderful," he chirped.

"See? Even K-9 agrees. I hardly altered his programming at all in that regard, did I, K-9?"

K-9 stayed wisely silent.

Romana cut right to the point. "It's not that I mind you picking up bizarre Human romantic practices. I enjoyed the handcuffs, didn't I? But, really, sexual jealousy? That's unbecoming for a Time Lord. You'd be the talk of the Panopticon if you weren't already."

The Doctor made a noise of disapproval and general sulkiness.

"Besides, did I say anything about that green belly-dancer from Anuerin VII? Or that young man with the nice hat?" She had a horrible thought. "You're not operating on a double-standard, are you? I can cope with your occasional bouts of mild sexism but that really would be a straw too far on a small camel."

"I do not have occasional bouts of mild sexism! I admire women! I might even decide to be one next regeneration."

Romana touched his arm sympathetically. "You can't help it, you're a product of your times."

The Doctor shook her hand away. "Don't judge me! You're the one who regenerated because Arcadian Vogue said dark hair wasn't in this season. If that isn't bowing to the patriarchy then I don't know what is." He scowled at her. "I liked that body. It looked good on you. It had a certain dignity, a certain je ne sais quoi."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know what."

Romana nodded. "You can't be expected to know everything." She drew herself up to her full height. "I'm not going to apologise."

"Did I say I wanted you to? Stop assuming things. I don't have jealous bone in my body."

"It's not a bone I was thinking of."

The Doctor leaned on the console and stared at her. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a filthy mind?"

"Yes, you said as much when I first thought of that trick with your scarf."

"That wasn't filthy, that was just inventive."

"I'd like you to say sorry."

"For the scarf?"

"For your petty display of envy and irrational anxiety."

"Alright." The Doctor flicked some switches on the console. Romana waited.

"Go on then."

He frowned at her. "Pardon?"

"Say it. Say you're sorry."

"I did."

"You didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"K-9?"

K-9 waggled his ears in mild fear. "The master did not apologise to the mistress."

The Doctor glared at the dog. "Traitor. Don't expect me to grease your axles anytime soon."

"Say sorry."

"It's not in my vocabulary. I know there's a future me who says it so often it becomes meaningless, but I've never liked him. And his companion slapped me for looking at her."

"If you don't I'll..." she thought for a moment. "If you don't then I'll take K-9 and run off to another universe."

The Doctor had a horrid sense of something being foreshadowed. He shook it off, his hair flying about a bit as it tended to do when he moved. "You wouldn't do that. You'd miss our conversations."

"I'd have K-9 to talk to."

The Doctor rubbed the side of his nose. "Alright, I'm sorry you're upset."

"That's a fauxpology, I don't accept it."

"It was sincere!"

"I want you to apologise for your own childish behaviour."

The Doctor shook slightly. He couldn't, he just couldn't. It would mean admitting both defeat and the fact that he might theoretically have flaws of some sort. There had to be some way he could save face. Ah-ha! "K-9, apologise to Romana."

"Negative, Master."

That dog was scrap and he knew it.

"Have you caught monogamy? There's no shame in it, it can be treated quite easily these days."

"Don't be absurd!"

"It can. There are pills for it. Medicine does advance, you know."

"You apologise first."

"For what?"

"For... oh, I don't know. Make something up."

"I'm sorry you're such an idiot."

He'd never had this trouble with Sarah Jane. She understood him. And she didn't run off with unattractive men. Apart from Harry, but he scarely counted.

"Do you want to move Duggan into the TARDIS?"

"Hardly."

The Doctor was pleased. "I knew you had good taste in men."

"Better than yours."

That wasn't fair. "I didn't know he was a Conservative."

"You told me they had tails and horns."

"A mild exaggeration on my part, I admit."

"I quite liked Amelia Rumford."

"Ah, now she's much more your type. I wouldn't object to you bringing her on board. I've always thought there's something marvellous about lesbians of a certain age. A dignity, a confidence."

"And you still haven't said sorry."

"Don't you realise that this is very difficult for me? Not that I have anything to apologise for, but if I did it would be extremely difficult to say the word in question."

"Why?"

"An allergy."

"I find that very unlikely." Romana sighed. "Sometimes I rather dislike you."

"I dislike you sometimes as well, it's a sign of a healthy relationship. I think rather unkind things about you when you steal all the blankets."

"You've never said anything."

The Doctor tried to run a hand through his hair but it got stuck and he had to pull it out feeling stupid. "I didn't want to make you feel unhappy."

"I'm sorry."

"Then I'm sorry as well. There. I said it. You can gloat now."

"I don't want to gloat."

"Your face is gloating."

"That's just the air-conditioning."

"Hmph."

And so, relationship saved, they travelled on into time and space. K-9 was not taken to pieces by an angry Doctor, and Romana kissed a very handsome young man on the next planet with hardly any sulking from the Doctor afterwards.