With Friends like These Who Needs Goa'uld?
“The Cult of Skaro was created by the Emperor for this very purpose; to imagine new ways of survival!”

The ground was littered with Jaffa. Teal'c knelt over one.

“They are all dead,” he reported.

“And this is bad because,” Jack asked.

“Well sir, I’m not sure if I want to meet whoever did this.”

“Oh I don’t know Carter, Personally I’d like to give em a big kiss.” He shrugged.

“They all bare the sign of Apophis,” said Teal’c.

“Any idea what killed them?”

“No Dr. Jackson.”

“Well…that’s disturbing. “

“Indeed. It would seem that their foe escaped unharmed.”

Jack sighed. “Right. Dial the Gate. Lets bring one of these fellas back.”

SGC: Briefing Room
“The Daleks must survive!”

“As far as I can tell,” Dr. Frasier said. “His organs have been completely scrambled."

“Any idea what caused it,” General Hammond asked.

“It’s hard to tell, there’s no evidence of tissue damage.”

“Perhaps some form of projected energy,” Carter frowned.

“I have never before encountered such a weapon,” Teal’c replied.

“So,” O’Neil said. “new kids on the block huh?”

“Few besides the Asgard have ever defied the Goa'uld.”

“Well someone forgot to tell them that,” Jack gestured to the pictures of the dead Jaffa. Teal’c tilted his head in acknowledgement.

“The question is what do we do now,” Hammond said. “Do we attempt to find whoever did this…”

“The enemy of my enemy,” Daniel muttered.

“Is my enemy too until proven otherwise,” Hammond said. “We must be careful how we…”


“Uh,” O’Neil said. “That can’t be good.”

SGC: Gate Room
"Location: Earth! Life-forms detected!”

General Hammond barreled into the control room with SG-1 in his wake. “Close the iris.”

“We can’t sir. Some sort of signal is disrupting our systems. The iris is not responding.” As if to illustrate the technician’s point, the stargate activated with a whoosh. All was silent. The soldiers below watched the gate anxiously. Someone coughed loudly.

Well,” O’Neil said. “That was anticlimactic…” Then at last they emerged. Behind them the stargate snapped off.

Jack blinked. “They look like salt and peppershakers,” he said.

“Colonel,” Hammond said warningly.

“With sink plungers and…and egg wisps.”

“Colonel,” Hammond repeated.

“Sorry sir,” Jack said. Daniel rolled his eyes. “What,” Jack whispered. “they do.” Daniel shrugged, because the three of them did in fact look like salt and peppershakers.

“We will speak with your leader,” the black one said, his lights flashing in time with his words.

“This is General Hammond. You are trespassing on United Stat…”

“General Hammond,” the creature interrupted his voice a harsh staccato screech. “We wish to discuss an…alliance.”

SGC: Hammond’s Office
"The Daleks wish only to help you..."

General Hammond met the unblinking blue light of the creature’s eye. They were more like tanks than anything else, and he was well aware that no tank was complete without weapons. Either the plunger or the egg wisp was likely a weapon of some kind, and he had a hunch that these beings were responsible for the Jaffa massacre.

“You are at war with the Goa'uld known as Apophis, correct,” the Black Dalek asked, almost demanding. So far he was the only one of the visitors who had spoken.

“Yes,” Hammond nodded.

“Yet our scans detect the presence of a Jaffa.” His head casing swiveled around fixing his eye on Teal’c. “You will explain...Explain…EXPLAIN!”

“I no longer serve false gods,” Teal’c said, not discomforted by the other alien’s scrutiny. “I have pledged myself to this world and the destruction of all Goa'uld.” A moment passed, then they eye turret swung back around dismissing Teal’c.

“Satisfactory. I am Dalek Sec.”

“Dalek,” Daniel muttered. He opened his mouth to ask a question but stopped at a look from the General.

“You mentioned an alliance,” Hammond said.

“We offer technological and tactical assistance in your war.”

“What sort of assistance?”

“Your weapons are primitive. We would augment them.”

“Very generous of you.”

“Um excuse me,” O’Neil said. “Not to be rude but how do you know your tech can help.”
The one closest to him turned to face him, speaking for the first time. “Dalek technology is supreme.”

“Riiight, and you would be the Daleks?”

“The Dalek Race lives on in us.” Daniel frowned at that, but didn’t say anything.

“You’re being very generous, but what do you want in return?”

“We require your help,” the black Dalek said.

“I thought Dalek technology was supreme,” said Jack. Dalek Sec ignored him.

“We lack the resources to successfully generate Artron particles. Your technology is crude but compatible.”

“I’ve never even heard of Artron particles before,” Carter said.

“Well Sec, I’m going to have to consult my superiors about this,” Hammond said.

“Understood. We must all obey our orders,” Dalek Sec replied. “You have one earth day to respond.”

“Who’s orders must you obey,” Daniel asked.

‘We are the Cult of Skaro,” Dalek Sec replied, as if no other answer was needed. Teal’c raised an eyebrow.

Five Months Later --New Skaro: Gate Room
“We are not ready yet, to teach these human beings, the law of the Daleks!”

O’Neil stepped out of the Gate onto the platform. Deep underground, the Dalek version of the gate room was heavily guarded, or at least so they said. He glanced around slowly, weapons were mounted on the walls, some sort of automated system, it made sense. After all he’d only ever seen three Daleks. Daniel thought they were the only ones, the last of the Dalek race. Jack had a felling he was right, but that made them all the more interesting.

Washington had jumped on the chance to acquire advanced technology, like everyone knew they would, and so far the alliance had worked out well. Almost too well, if you asked him. Now Jack would be the first to admit he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but it seemed to him that if a deal seemed to good to be true, it damn well was. Sure the new Dalek weapons were powerful, but all attempts at reverse engineering had failed, and Jack was willing to bet that no matter how powerful they were, the Daleks had kept the best for themselves. Still better weapons, and orbital defense platforms were certainly welcome, but all the Daleks seemed to want in return was help on the Artron Energy Project. Jack would have felt better if anyone knew what Artron energy was, and why the Daleks considered it a worthy trade.

The bulkhead door slide open and Major Carter came in walking briskly. “Hello sir,” she said nodding at them.

“Carter,” Jack waved. “long time no see.”

“Sorry about that sir. Been busy,” she shrugged.

“Right,” said Jack. “busy. How’s that working out for you?”

“It’s fascinating. I don’t understand half of it but it seems that…” she trailed off. “You don’t really care do you sir?”

“Can’t say that I do. So where’s our welcoming committee?”


“The Daleks, Major.”

“They’re all very busy, the particle generator is almost ready.”

“They most be so proud,” Jack said.

“Right,” Carter said not really paying attention. “Oh and Sec said to tell you that he has information on Apophis’s troop movements.”

“That would be most helpful,” Teal’c said. Speaking up for the first time.

“Sec,” O’Neil smiled. “how is the old fella?”

New Skaro: Control Room
“The Dalek Stratagem nears completion.”

Jack glanced around slowly. “Whoa,” he said. “big.” The room was hexagonal wiring and pipes were visible on the walls, and in the background he could hear the hum of machinery. The room was dominated by a long golden cylinder, the particle generator. Three Daleks were visible; two were interfaced with the generator, information scrolled past them on circular screens. The Black Dalek was observing the work. He pivoted around as Jack and the others came in. “Hiya Sec old buddy,” Jack smiled. The blue light of the Dalek’s eye regarded him silently, till his grin faded away. “So you have information about Apophis?”

“Correct!” Dalek Sec turned back to the generator.

“Feel like sharing,” Jack asked lightly.

“First the final experiment must begin.”

“Oh right that,” Jack glanced at Daniel uncertainly.

“Particle generation will commence,” Sec ordered.

“We obey,” the two other Daleks chorused. The lights in the control room dimmed, as the generator sprang to life and began to pulse with energy.


“Everything is proceeding according to plan. Projections indicate that the first artron particles will be produced in 59 rels.”

“Rels,” Jack whispered to Carter.

“A unit of time roughly equivalent to 1.3 seconds.”


“Yes sir,” Carter whispered. Jack opened his mouth then closed it slowly.

“Alert, ALERT,” one of the Daleks cried. The generator let out a high-pitched whine.
“Report Dalek Thay.”

“Instability in generation matrix, particle decay is increasing!” Carter immediately leapt into action. She rushed to the generator and set to work.

“Dalek tech might be supreme,” Jack muttered just loud enough for everyone to hear. “but they still need Carter to make it work.” Carter quickly finished her calculations and the whine faded away.

“The matrix has been reset,” Dalek Thay reported. “Generation in 9 rels…8,…SCANNERS INDICATE PRESENCE OF ARTRON PARTICLES!”

“Proceed with the final phase,” Dalek Sec ordered.

“I obey!” A small circular hole opened on the side of the generator. “Colonel O’Neil, you will help us.”

“Uh, I will?”

“Place your hand inside the generator.”

“Uh…huh?” He glanced at Carter.

“”Do not be alarmed,” Dalek Thay said. “The radiation is not harmful. Place your hand inside.” Jack shrugged and complied. He felt a slight tingling but nothing more.

“Readings indicate that the human is now saturated in Artron radiation.”

“Excellent! The Genesis Ark will now be primed!”

Jack exchanged a look with Teal’c. Neither liked the sound of that. “Err…stupid question,” Jack said. “But what’s the…” The bulkhead door slid open to reveal a fourth Dalek and another device, vaguely Dalek-shaped. “Ah, I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say that that’s it…hey I thought you said there were only three of you.”

Dalek Sec regarded him for a long moment. “I lied,” he said. “Place your hand on the Ark!”

“Why,” Jack asked.

“The Ark requires physical contact to be activated.”

“Yes, but what is the Ark for…?”

“Alert! Alert! Vessels detected exiting hyperspace!”

“Show me,” Dalek Sec ordered. A screen appeared in the air showing five Ha’tak ships on an intercept course.

“Apophis,” Teal’c said. Dalek Sec studied the vessels for several seconds before swerving back to face Jack.

“Place your hand upon the Ark!”

“In case you hadn’t noticed,” Jack said sarcastically. “there’s a fleet of Ha’taks in orbit.”

“The Genesis Ark is of primary importance. All other concerns are secondary. Only the Ark can insure victory. You will obey the Daleks… obey…Obey…OBEY!”


“Obey without question or you will be exterminated!” Jack glanced around. All the Dalek weapons were pointed straight at him.

“Uh, Jack,” Daniel said. “Perhaps you should do what the nice Daleks say.”

“Alert, alert,” Dalek Caan reported. “Scanners indicate presence of Jaffa soldiers on planet surface.”

“Sir, some of our people are up there,” said Carter.

“Listen Apophis is invading while you play with your little science project,” Jack said. “I’m not just going to stand around while…” A burst of blue energy shot over his head, close enough to singe his hair. “Hey watch it,” he said to the Daleks. “You could have killed me.”

“Daleks do not miss! Place your hand upon the Ark immediately!” Jack glanced at Sam. She shrugged. Slowly gingerly he placed his hand on the surface of the Ark. There was a hissing sound and he pulled back startled leaving a glowing handprint behind.

“The Genesis Ark is primed,” Dalek Sec cried. “Dalek Thay you will commence deployment without delay.”

“I obey. The roof will open,” Thay commanded, and with a creak and a groan the ceiling retracted, revealing a sky alive with gliders. “Elevate,” Thay said, and slowly majestically it and the Ark rose up into the air. “The Ark will open!” And so it did, and from it’s impossibly large inner dimensions flew forth Daleks, tens, hundreds, thousands of Daleks. Till the skies above New Skaro were alive with Daleks all flying in perfect formation.

“I am designated Controller,” said Dalek Sec. “All Daleks will commence attack runs. Exterminate all life forms below!”

“But some of our men are up there,” Daniel said.

“Only Dalek life is important. Lower communications barrier and establish visual contact!” Again a screen appeared in front of Sec, this time showing the angry face of the System Lord Apophis.

“No one can make war upon the Goa'uld. Kneel before your god and I may be merciful.”

“This is not war,” Dalek Sec replied. “this is pest control. We have analyzed your vessels and determined they are unable to withstand us. You will surrender to the will of the Daleks!” Jack and Teal’c glanced at each other and Teal’c slowly drew a zat gun. Jack smiled slightly, before glancing up at a sky on fire. Funny how none of the explosions seemed to be Daleks.

“You will pay dearly for your arrogance,” Apophis said before ending his transmission.

Dalek Sec turned to face the others. For a moment the room was silent save for the machine’s hum. Then Dalek Sec spoke but one word: “Exterminate,” and his will was done. High in orbit around New Skaro, the orbital defense platforms came to life and opened fire upon Apophis’s fleet. Dalek firepower met Goa'uld shields and for a moment they battled, for a moment the shields held fast. But then the moment passed and Dalek weaponry tore through the Ha’taks shredding them into nothing more than miniscule pieces of flotsam and jetsam.

Carter gasped. “My god,” whispered Daniel. Jack and Teal’c remained impassive.

“Our agreement,” Dalek Sec said.

“Huh…what,” Jack asked.

“The terms of our agreement stated that you would provide assistance with Artron Generation…”

“Your welcome by the way,” Jack threw in cheekily.

“And that we would provide aide in your war with Apophis,” Sec continued ignoring Jack. “Would you say we have fulfilled the terms of that agreement?”

“Uh…well you did just extermin…er…kill Apophis,” Jack said.


“Which I guess means there is no more war with Apophis.”

“I concur,” Sec replied. “As of this moment our alliance is terminated. You will consider yourselves prisoners of the Daleks.”

“Now wait a second,” Jack said. “Why can’t we all just get along,” he grinned. Teal’c drew his zat and fired in a single motion. The bolt deflected harmlessly off the Dalek’s personal force field.
“We have the superior number,” Dalek said. “We have the superior technology. We will conquer your galaxy. It is only a matter of time.”

Jack glanced up at a sky filled with countless Daleks. “Oh,” he said. “shit!”

The End