Z is for Zoo

by TheRg [Reviews - 7]

  • All Ages
  • None
  • Action/Adventure

Author's Notes:
This is for my series, 'Alphabet Wars'.
I started from the bottom, on advice from my wonderful beta who I love to bits.
I'll update this with a proof-read version as soon as I get it back, I'm just too impatient to wait.

“This is probably going to be the only time that I can wander around, looking at all these aliens monsters without the fear of getting chased or…” Rose Tyler was cut off as a hand wrapped around her mouth.

“Don’t even say it.” The Doctor warned her, “Eat this and try not to jinx today.” He said, handing her a chocolate ice-cream.

Rose licked her licked her lips and grabbed the Doctor’s hand, dragging him towards the nearest alien animal.

The cages were made up of a clear panel, glowing faintly pink. The insides were large and each contained what the Doctor called “Rectus Habitus” and Rose assumed was some kind of generated habitat for the animals. The animal she was currently squinting at was hiding underneath a wooden platform and looked suspiciously familiar. It had a round head, cute little fuzzy ears and the most adorable black nose.

“Ursus arctos horribilis.” The Doctor whispered knowledgably. “Grizzly Bear to you common types.”

Rose looked offended and punched his arm, “Hey! That isn’t fair. An’ I thought this was an alien zoo… What’s up with this? We have these at home!”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and thrust his hands into his pockets. “We’re at an alien zoo. A zoo with aliens in it. It would hardly be exciting for all these people if all it contained were animals they had seen before, would it now?” He raised his eyebrows at nobody in particular and wandered off, leaving Rose to run after him.

“So what you’re saying is that, basically, we’re at London zoo?” She stood directly in front of him, walking backwards, and stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth, pouting at him playfully.

“Rose! I’m offended you could even ask that you should know that — Oh God, watch out!” He cried out, about five seconds too late.

As Rose had been walking backwards she had failed to notice the railing behind her and tripped over it, landing head first in the trench between the walkway and an empty cage. She was mentally cursing herself for being so stupid and for not wearing a longer skirt.
Things weren’t helped by the fact that the Doctor was trying to help by telling her just wait a bit and try and keep her legs together.

“I’ll just see if I can find someone to get you out of there… Lucky you landed on some nice soft plants… Maybe try to cross your legs? That might help a bit…” Rose groaned, Oncoming Storm? Maybe. Helpful in awkward situations such as having passing aliens peer up your skirt while you’re stuck lying in a ditch in a zoo somewhere beyond the third sun? No way.

She couldn’t hear his rambling anymore, he was probably trying to find an alien to get her out of here; she hoped he was.

Rose screamed as she felt the ground beneath her give way. She flailed wildly for a moment and then did her best to stop her skirt from flying up as she dropped through the air and onto something soft.

Six pairs of arms reached towards her and she shied away from them, straight into the arms of a seventh. They wrapped strongly around her and lifted her up, suspending her momentarily in the air while the poked and prodded her.

“Hey!” Rose protested when a particularly daring arm… thing… wandered underneath her skirt, “What the hell do you think you’re playing at?!”

You human, yes? The thoughts slipped into her head, they were gritty and muddled, unlike any of the few thought communications she’d previously experienced.

“Yeah, I’m human. That alright?” Rose had a vague idea what this was all about and started to apologise, “Look if it’s about the ditch then I’m sorry but you should really have a higher railing. I mean it was an accident just waiting to happen an’…”

Human. The thought cut her apology off, she was suddenly gripped by a second and third pair of arms and carried through a door, along a number of twisting, sloping, corridors and down a dark, smelly, passageway towards a dark door on which a battered sign hung, it read “HUMAN”.

Now Rose was scared. She’d been twisting and wriggling the entire journey, trying to free herself from her captor’s strong grip, but now she was perfectly still, suddenly realising what was going to happen; she was a human. A human in an alien zoo.

Rose gulped down her rising fear, “Bit different to London Zoo then?”

She was unceremoniously thrust inside the room and she heard the lock click behind her. She battered her fists against the door, yelling out in hope that the Doctor would hear and come and save her.

“He’s going to bloody kill you when he finds out what you’ve done,” She muttered, turning away from the door, “And if he doesn’t then I sure as hell will!”

She scuffed her feet and tried to explore her cell. It wasn’t very exciting. There was a TV against one wall, a cushion placed in front of it. Trying to distract herself from the ‘people’ pressing against the glass walls around her she turned to the one brick wall, the one she’d entered through.

Written in a rough script were the words:

These creatures are very lazy, they enjoy only four things: Eating, sleeping, reproduction and watching a television.
They are most usually found in front of one of these machines, a low level invention which projects images and sound onto a screen and into their minds, thus leaving them incapably of individual thought or ideas.

Rose rolled her eyes and, for want of anything better to do, switched on the TV and sat down on the cushion.


On finding Rose gone the Doctor had come to the, reasonably logical, assumption that she had managed to climb out and gone looking for him. In which case, he might as well explore the zoo.

He enjoyed seeing the dinosaurs, a lot more than the last time he had run into them. Much safer when they’re behind a barrier, thanks.

He stood a while behind a large crowd, jumping up and down to try and see what they were staring at. Irritated, he adopted an official tone and called out, “Excuse me, coming through, watch out there!” and pushed to the front.

He almost didn’t believe it was Rose, he yelled out to her but she didn’t seem to hear, she seemed so engrossed in the television.

Pushing people roughly aside the Doctor ran towards the nearest door labelled Staff Only, whipping out the sonic screwdriver he quickly had it opened. Stepping through the door he came face to face with a group of aliens. The same group who had kidnapped Rose, no doubt.

He adopted his scariest glare, and growled at them “Get her out of there. Right now.” Brandishing the sonic screwdriver he jabbed it threateningly towards them.

She human. The thought echoed through his head and he groaned.

“Yes, I’m well aware of that. She’s my human.” He jabbed his finger into his chest several times, “Me. My. Mine.”

They looked at him with wide, unblinking eyes. Their faces split into wide grins.
Our human now.

“No, no you don’t understand me!” The Doctor was getting frustrated now, waving the sonic screwdriver in a menacing manner in front of their faces he raised his voice, “Now then, see this? This can do lots of nasty things and you really don’t want me to…”

The Doctor trailed off when he realised that in the time he’d taken to say that, the alien zookeepers had taken the sonic screwdriver off him. “Oh. Well, just be careful with that… No-no, okay, don’t point it at me and don’t press that…”

The Doctor lunged toward the offending alien just as they pressed down the button on the screwdriver; they toppled to the floor together as the sonic screwdriver demolished a wall behind them.

Rose emerged, from a cloud of dust and rubble, through the hole in the wall and found a dazed looking Doctor lying on top of one of her captors, the sonic screwdriver clasped tightly in both hands. She rolled her eyes and grabbed one of his hands, pulling him to his feet.

He pulled her into a tight hug and pressed his nose into her hair. Behind them Rose could see the aliens shaking themselves and standing up, “Uh… Doctor… I think we should…”

The Doctor nodded, “Run.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him, back to The Tardis, laughing all the way.