Where You Find It

by Queenrikki [Reviews - 3]

  • All Ages
  • Het
  • Angst, Introspection, Romance, Het

Author's Notes:
This wasn't originally meant to be a story in and of itself, it was just a piece I wrote to keep the timeline for a chaptered story I'm writing, but I rather liked so I decided to post it. Actually, I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to my writing so if I don't post something now, I never will. There's some smaltz and melodrama but I love both so I left it in. Unbeta'd.

It wasn’t exactly surprising to the Doctor how hard Rose had taken Mickey's departure, though he supposed he shouldn't be. Mickey had been such a huge part of Rose's life for so long that naturally she'd be upset. The stay at Jackie's had ended up lasting a full week. Much as he had grown fond of the woman (not that he would ever tell her that). Spending all that time in her domain had left him more than a little restless and he was glad that they were now back in the TARDIS. He stroked the console fondly. The Doctor wasn't sure how he managed to spend that much time in one place, especially with Jackie underfoot. Well, he did know how he'd managed it and he was a bit disturbed by it. There was little he wouldn't do for Rose. Destroy the universe, maybe and even that was negotiable. Giving her time to grieve (and it was grief) over Mickey had been the right thing to do. She may not have been in love with Mickey anymore, but he had been her friend.

Seeing Rose's tears pained him, but he couldn't help feel a little proud of Mickey-the-not-quite-an-idiot. He'd made a difficult decision but the Doctor was sure that it had been the right one. The other universe h ad so much more use for him that this one and it held more potential for happiness. People there needed him, he could be useful. Here, there was only Rose and she only thought that she needed him. Mickey deserved much more than to be Rose's backup man.

He walked around the TARDIS console, flipping switches. It was great to be back where they belong. He wanted to show Rose the Ice Showers on Manive. Few sights were as beautiful and he was sure that she would love it. Of course there was the danger of being shredded alive by razor-sharp shards of ice but that was part of the fun. He looked towards the door expecting her to appear at any moment. Several minutes passed without her showing up. The Doctor frowned. They had already landed and he'd told her that they only had half an hour before the show began. If they didn't go now they'd missed everything and it would be another four days before they would get another chance to see it.

He walked down the curving halls to Rose's room. Hmmm, Rose's Room had a nice ring to it. Maybe he should come up with a name for his own quarters. The Doctor's Domain didn't sound completely ridiculous. The Doctor's Domicile was also catchy but you could apply that to the entire TAR--

He felt a prickling on the back of his neck as he moved closer to the door. He leaned into Rose's room and looked around. She was sitting on her bed barefoot and looking at photographs. “Oi! What are you sitting on that bed for? I told you to get a move on. We've only got a few minutes--” He stopped when he realised that she was still focusing on the photographs rather than him. He knelt next to the bed, letting his chin rest on it. He looked up at her her and flashed her a quick smile.

“You all right?” he asked gently.

She put down the pictures and shook her head “I'm being stupid. It's just...I never imagined that Mickey wouldn't be a part of my life. I mean, he was just...there.” She gestured to a picture of Mickey smiling in front of the London Eye. “I just took it for granted that he would always be there whenever I needed, well, wanted him. And now he's not. And he never will be again.” Rose stared down at the pictures again.

The Doctor moved to sit on the bed and kicked of his shoes. He put his arms around Rose and her head found his shoulder. “Mickey is doing something he believes in and he has his Gran, well, Rickey's Gran but it's close enough. Here, he only had you. Probably why he tried to hold on so hard.”

Rose chuckled. “So you're saying the only reason that anyone would want me is because they have no one else?”

The Doctor shook his head. “No, of course not. Look at me, I want you.”

She snorted. “And who else have you got?” A measure of hardness had crept into her voice.

“Well, you do have a point there. But...” he drew the word out. She looked up and he smiled. “Even if I had a million other people in my life, there is no one I want beside me as much as I want you.” He gestured to her and she put her hand on top of his. His fingers curled around hers tightly. “See how well your hand fits in mine? I'd never find that with anyone else, no matter how far I looked.”

Rose laughed. A real, happy sound. “It's nice to know that I'm so irreplaceable." . His hearts quickened at the sound and he couldn't ignore how good, how right it felt lying here next to Rose. The Doctor shook his head and started to disentangle himself. Rose tightened her grip and shook her head. “Stay. Please.”

He stilled. This was not a good idea. Being so close to Rose, on her bed. He knew that, had always known that. But Rose's eyes pleaded with him and he knew that he was a goner. He'd never been able to deny her; this was just further proof of that fact.

He sighed and moved back to the bed. “I'll stay.”

Rose smiled a cat's smile. “Good,” she said and snuggled in closer to him.

The Doctor rested his head on top of hers and breathed in. He could do this. Just lay here with Rose and offer her the comfort of his presence without anything happening. He got lost in his own thoughts and so didn't realise that Rose was dozing quietly on top of him. He smiled down at her as she slept. She really was quite pretty.

After an hour or so, he found that his leg was falling asleep. Gently, he adjusted there bodies so that her legs were nestled between his. He felt her stir and the sound of her breathing changed.

He sighed. “I didn't mean to wake you.”

Rose nuzzled his chest and murmured, “That's alright. I didn't mean to fall asleep in the first place.”

The Doctor smiled. “You needed it.”

“Hmmm. You know, you make a fair cushion. Surprising, seeing as you're so bony and all.”

He brushed a strand of hair from her face. “That's because you've got enough cushioning of your own.”

Rose lifted herself up and looked him the eyes. “Is that your way of saying that you think I'm fat?” Her eyes bore into is and the Doctor realised that he'd put his foot in it.

He shook his head vigorously. “No, no. Goodness, no. You're not fat. I'm just saying that you're...fleshier than I am.”

Rose shook her head. “That's not really all that much better.”

The Doctor moved so that he was lying on his side, facing Rose. “Rose, you're not fat. There is nothing at all fat at about you. You're...soft and curvy and I like that about you very much.” For once, he decided that he had said enough and shut his mouth.

Rose grinned. “So you're saying that you like my curves?”

The Doctor tried not to stare at her mouth and failed completely.

The Doctor swallowed and tried to think of something to say. He couldn't really think of anything, besides the truth. He just shrugged and went with that. “Of course I do. Why do you think I like hugging you so much?”

“You like hugging me so that you can cop a quick feel?”
“Essentially, yes.” Rose laughed and the Doctor let out an affronted snort. “It's not like you haven't done the same thing.” He grinned. That had shut her up.

She opened her mouth to say something but instead she abruptly rolled away and stood up. “That's enough of that.” She pulled on a pair of shoes that had been lying discarded on the floor. “What about those ice showers?”

“Oh, so now you're wanting to get up?” He shook his head. “And we missed those showers hours ago. You know that don't you?” He walked up to her and stood in front of her. “What's so bad about admitting you like to touch me? Hmmm?”

Rose looked away. “Please don't do this.”

“Don't do what?” The Doctor frowned. Why was she being so damned obtuse? What was wrong with just saying what was on her mind? He tried to put a hand on Rose's shoulder but she flinched away. “I don't understand why you're upset.”

“This is all your fault! Everything was going fine until you asked me that. Don't you know how embarrassing that was for me?”

The Doctor shook his head, now utterly confused. “Why would you be embarrassed by me asking whether or not you like touching me? You obviously do or you wouldn't be bothered by it. So why did you clam up all of a sudden?”
Rose turned back and sat back down on the edge of bed. He knelt in front of, mirroring their earlier positions.

“I stopped because it was getting to be too much. You can say that and we can still go back to the way we were. If I say it, then it's more real. I can't just pretend that nothing was said and that nothing happened.”

He stared down at Rose for a moment. “Why do you say that? Why can I say that I like touching you and you can't say the same thing about me?”

Rose smiled. “You're not human. I sometimes forget that. When you smile and hold my hand I forget that you came from a world not my own and it makes me...it makes me want to make you mine.” Rose stared down at their feet and whispered. “And I know that's not what you want.”

“You're being really stupid, you know that.” He circled around her, his eyes opened wide. “There are many things that I don't want, but you...you definitely aren't one of those.”

She lifted her head and followed his movements with her eyes. “Sometimes I want to reach for you and pull you close. I want to press my lips to yours, my body to yours. I want that so much that sometimes I wish I could die rather than face the pain of it.”

She looked him in the eye. “Then why don't you?”
He cupped her face in his hands. “It's like you said. I'm not human, Rose. If I do, If we do then I'll have to risk loosing you. I will loose you, one day. You could get tired of this life--”

Rose shook her head. “Never. I'll never get tired of this life.”
He laughed softly. “You say that now. But one day you'll want to settle down, have a family. Or you'll run into some danger that we can't get out of. And you'll leave me. And I'll be alone again.”

She reached up and put her hand on either side of his face, just like his hands held hers. “I will never leave you.” He started to speak, started to correct her. “I will never willingly leave you alone. As long as I live, as long as I can, I will be by your side.” The Doctor tried to turn away from her but Rose turned him back.

“You don’t get to turn away, not when you wouldn’t allow me to do the same. Besides, will it hurt any less if I leave if we never do anything more than hold hands? Do you think the idea of loosing me will hurt less if you keep some sort of physical distance from me?”

He wanted to moved, wanted to drop his hands, laugh and change the subject but he didn't. Couldn't in fact. She somehow held him in place with the intensity of her eyes. “I couldn't imagine anything more painful than loosing you. Well, maybe loosing the TARDIS but that's about it. It wouldn't hurt more, I don't think, but I would regret it.”

“What is there to regret? What could there be to regret?”

He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers. “I'd regret all the time I'd wasted not being with you.”

She shook her head. “And here I thought you were supposed to be brilliant.”

“I am brilliant,” he said affronted. How could anyone ever doubt the magnificence of his mind?

She just grinned. “Wouldn't you have even more to regret if we stayed apart now?”

“I…” he shut his mouth, for once at a loss for words. He couldn't argue with her and that bothered him a bit. Maybe he was being silly. No, he was definitely being silly. Rose was absolutely right. So he did the only sensible thing he could do at that moment.

He kissed her.

Rose's mouth opened under his and he decided that he'd been a complete idiot for not doing this earlier. This was their first real kiss. Not Time Vortices or Mind swapping human trampolines to detract from the pure joy of the moment. It wasn't the best kiss that he'd ever had, but at the moment it was definitely his favourite.

His hands worked their way to the bottom of her top and they parted briefly to pull it over her head. He stared at the sight before him. Rose, blushing and naked to the waist. He let out a bark-like laugh.

Rose glared. “Laughing at a girl when you’ve just taken her top of isn’t exactly the most gentlemanly thing to do.”

He just grinned. He couldn’t help it; she was adorable. “Who ever said that I was a gentleman?” The pulled her in for another kiss. “And I wasn’t laughing at your...” He gestured towards her chest. "Those are brilliant."

“What were you laughing at then?”

He shook his head and unbuttoned her jeans. “I was just looking at you, all topless and flushed and I just thought that you looked a bit…rosy.”

She groaned punched him in the arm. “That was terrible.”

The Doctor waggled his brows. “You really think so?”

“Yes, I do. And you would too if you’d heard that from every guy who wanted to get into your pants since you were thirteen.”

“Well, I’ll do my best to change your mind.” He removed her jeans and kissed the bottom of her feet.

Rose giggled as his tongue slipped between her toes. “You just try.”

He pulled away and met her eyes. “All right, I will.”

His mouth trailed across her neck or chin. He noticed that she couldn't resist laughing when licked the corner of her mouth. The Doctor knelt and began brushing soft kisses across her chest. His lips wrapped around on nipple and pulled tightly, like a baby and his mother's breast. He began to wonder whether or not this particular aspect of sex had more than a trace of oedipal tendencies. Honestly, it didn't matter. The little noises that come from Rose were more than enough to make up for any unpleasant psychological underpinnings that may or may not be present.

He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes. “My Rose. My lovely rosy Rose.”

She let out a breath, her eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I guess it’s not so terrible after all.”

He turned his attention away from her chest. There was so much of her to explore and so much time wasted. He discovered that he liked the taste of her mouth, the taste of her skin. He wanted to sample every last bit of her. And he would. Awareness of things not Rose tried to intrude upon him. The feel of the bed beneath him, the buzzing of the TARDIS at the back of the brain, the time vortex swirling just beyond them. All were shoved away as fiercely as he could and then shut down that part of him. He didn't want to ruin this moment with shadows of could-bes and will-bes and might have-beens.

For this one moment, he wanted to be like any other man making love to the woman he loved. Wanted it so much that he made it so (but just for that moment in time). The future, the past, the present could all take care themselves and he would deal with the consequences later.

Hopefully much later.