Judgement Day

by deathman [Reviews - 7]

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Author's Notes:
In which our heroes discuss illogicality...


The Illogical Planet

Jimbob heard a call from the Doctor. ‘We’ve landed!’

The ex-captain smiled, tucked his plasma pistol into his belt and quickly whipped out his hand-mirror to check his reflection. The usual brown eyes, light brown skin and mid-long hair bounced back at him. He dropped the mirror and hurried off, out of his room in the TARDIS, towards the central chamber, where the Doctor and Rose would be waiting for him.

Sure enough he was greeted with a grin from Rose and a wave from the Doctor. He looked at the former. Although he didn’t normally feel romantically towards her, he couldn’t help but notice that she looked stunning, in her long skirt and elegant pink-red top.

‘You look brilliant,’ he spoke, echoing his thoughts.

‘Thanks,’ the Doctor said, not bothering to divert his gaze from the controls of the TARDIS. ‘I’m glad this new suit’s paying off.’

Rose burst out laughing, while Jimbob risked a glance at the Doctor. The Time Lord, in contradiction with his previous sentence, was wearing his ordinary brown pinstriped suit and long coat. No change. Then Jimbob remembered that the Doctor called his costume a ‘new suit’ whenever he washed it.

When Rose’s laughter died down, she joined Jimbob and the Doctor at the console. They were all peering at the computer screen which was currently displaying a profile of the planet they were about to land on.

‘So this one’s not impossible, just illogical,’ Rose chuckled.

‘Ooh, yeah, the most illogical planet around. Mass and gravity totally warped. I’ve heard that you can support a building the size of the Endrome on Molcat, or the City on Tegrak, on an item as small as a needle.’

‘That’s not the most illogical,’ disagreed Jimbob. ‘It’s not as bad as that one in the Seventy Seventh Yuip of whatever that galaxy was called. That had zero gravity and no atmosphere, so you just stepped out and were sucked off into space. The inhabitants of nearby worlds called it The Place You Can Never Set Foot On.’

‘And what about Lilula?’ Rose argued with Jimbob. ‘Talking cats? Walking bushes? Zombies roaming around? Indestructible black crystals?’

The Doctor laughed these arguments away. ‘This planet can’t be beaten. It’s got waterfalls that change from water to lava to ice and even to some kind of orange squash. Worms eleven miles long. Movable cities. No inner core. It’s in all the history books. All the great guides of the universe. In the poll for the Top Ten Weirdest places, it got first place. All puns intended!’

Rose rolled her eyes, but giggled at the same time.

‘So, what’s this planet’s name?’ Jimbob asked curiously. ‘We can’t just call it the Illogical Planet, can we?’

‘It’s called Arkasaln,’ the Doctor replied, flicking switches. The TARDIS made a groan of protest and thumped home, like a dart into a target.

‘And here it is.’

The Doctor ran to the door and flung them open. His excited expression changed to horror as he saw what was outside.

‘What is it?’ laughed Rose. ‘Have we landed inside a waterfall of orange squash?’

The Doctor did not reply.

‘Doctor?!’ Jimbob cried, swinging his plasma pistol free of its belt. He advance towards the doors and the motionless form of the Doctor. Weapon raised, held threateningly in both hands.

‘This planet is very. Very. Very. Illogical,’ spoke the Doctor. And he stepped away from the doors, giving Jimbob and Rose a clear line of sight to the outside world.

They both instantly screamed.


A/N: I'm glad to say the story is no longer repeated, thanks to Hells Bells!