Author's Notes:
Me first shot at a DW fic. Word count flew out the window, but then I was inspired…I managed to get 6 of the 7 rules that currently apply into it and 5...possibly 6 of the prompts if you squint.

“But…it’s Lumburg!”


“I dunno, it’s…that’s such an unflattering name for such a beautiful place.” Rose commented as she took in the tropical paradise around her.

“I’m not the one who named it!” The Doctor defended, then promptly sneezed. Rose would have told him ‘bless you’ if she wasn’t distracted by the tiny shimmering creature fluttering above the Doctor’s head. He looked up and his shoulder’s slumped.

“Oh bollocks…”

Rose startled as he reached out lightening fast with his hand and caught the thing. “Whoa there! Nice ninja skills.” She laughed.

“In my eighth incarnation I visited the Edo Period in Japan and studied for a while with one of the local clans.” Scanning his catch with the sonic screwdriver he continued to ramble. “Real interesting that was. Cold sometimes though because they had this thing for purifying the mind in frigid water at sunrise. Hold still.” And with that the Doctor held the little creature over Rose’s head and shook it.

“What was…ARUGG!” Rose sneezed several times while the Doctor let the little creature go. “What did you do that for?”

“All the cool kids are doing it.” The Doctor deadpanned. Rose glared at him and he shrugged. He didn’t have a lot of time on his hands. “That was a Lumburg Sprite. The highest form of life on this planet…I knew I landed us on the wrong continent…” He whined.

“Is that stuff dangerous?” Rose asked.

“Depends on your definition of ‘dangerous’.” He replied, scratching at the back of his neck. “That glittery stuff is the scales from its wings.” Rose cocked an eyebrow at him. “Y’know? Like that powdery stuff you get on your hands if you pick up a butterfly or a moth? That’s not powder…those are tiny scales, like a fish or reptile, sort of.”

“…and?” Rose prompted, folding her arms across her chest and tapping a foot.

“And? Oh! Anyway, it isn’t really dangerous at all. Well it can be. The scales just have an odd side effect on humanoids…no matter how evolved they are.” He explained as he removed his trench coat and placed it on the ground. “It gets into the bloodstream and goes straight to the brain. Once there it causes the brain to send out signals to the endocrine system, flooding the body with hormones. Unless the person affected with Lumburg Sprite scales doesn’t follow the sudden rush of hormonal commands, they’ll die. I figured I’d get you too because that would avoid any awkwardness that would most likely kill me…and I only just regenerated thanks.”

Rose watched as the Doctor removed his tie and shirt while explaining what was happening to them as a result of being exposed. She might not have had her A-Levels, but that didn’t mean that Rose Tyler didn’t catch on quick. She started laughing.

“This isn’t funny, Rose! We’ve got about…” He grabbed her wrist and checked her watch. “…five minutes until that stuff kicks in!”

A few more snorts of laughter and Rose looked him in the eye. “So in other words, it’s shag or die?”


“Then why didn’t you say so in the first place.” Rose laughed as she began removing her clothes.

“Um…didn’t think you’d go for the idea?” Large brown eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as the Doctor watched Rose strip. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but, we kind of have to wait until the actual urges hit us. A pre-emptive strike, so to speak, won’t work.”

Rose shrugged and sat down on the Doctor’s coat. “So we wait then.”

“You’re taking this a lot better then I would have thought.” The Doctor said as he sat down next to her.

“Looked in a mirror lately?” She retorted.

“Well yeah. I mean I know I’m gorgeous this go around but,” Then it dawned on him. “Ohhh. That’s what Cassandra meant!” And with that he groaned and flopped onto his back. Sweat started to bead on his brow as Rose took advantage of the situation to admire his body.

“Nice.” She purred, voice tinged with amusement.

“Would you hurry the hell up and be affected already. This is NOT at all pleasant.” The Doctor muttered an arm flung over his eyes as he fought off the urge to just take advantage of Rose right then and there. He didn’t have to wait long. Relief surged through him as much as the hormonal rush was when he felt delicate fingers teasing his skin. “Normally I’m all for foreplay, but how ‘bout we save that for next time eh?” He stated as he grabbed Rose by the waist, laid her out on her back and sank into her hard and fast. It took several hours to purge both their systems of the influence from the sprite’s scales. As sunset settled in around them, they lay on the ground exhausted and sated.

“Ow…” Rose muttered after a while, poking gingerly at her chest.

“I swear I never meant to…”

“I think you’ve dislocated my breast.” Rose interrupted.

“How’d I do that?” The Doctor wondered aloud then took a swipe at Rose’s neck with his tongue. “Oooh! Did you know that this stuff is sweet?” He asked, taking another lick.

Rose jerked away from his wandering tongue and stared at him for a full minute. “You did not just sod yourself up with that stuff again did you? Don’t think I handle another go for a while!”

“Nah.” He replied, closing the gap she’d created and returning to his oral exploration of her neck. “Need to inhale it for it to be effective.”

“Then don’t breath!” Rose commanded. “Or I’ll tell Mum.” She added with a laugh.

The Doctor cringed at the mention of Rose’s mother, then he noticed it was getting dark. “Um, we might want to go back to the TARDIS soon. It’s getting late and the sprites are mainly nocturnal…and to be honest I don’t think I can go another round for a bit.”

Rose got up and dashed inside the TARDIS with a burst of energy she didn’t think she had. The Doctor quickly joined her and leaned against the door, exhausted from his sudden escape to safety.

“Right then you…” Rose muttered, turning towards the corridors that lead deeper into the ship. “Shower and bed!”

“Your room or mine?” The Doctor muttered. Not caring at all what he’d just said. He was too tired. He managed a grin when Rose said ‘Yours’.