Words of Love by DearDiary
(I’m so excited about seeing you)
(I can’t wait to see you sooner)
I’m waiting with my heart still to see you at Lady Lynda’s ball. I (pray) hope that you (will be with me) will be present there (you promised you would! and I wish I could dance all the dances with you!) and I hope that you know that I’ve put your name near the waltz and cotillion on my dance card. (I wonder if you’ll wear my favourite cologne of yours…it makes me think about adventures that you’ve been to.) Mother is still feeling unwell after (her hysterical fit) learning about our secretly-discussed engagement, but my father is not against it. He says he’s happy as long as I’m happy, and that my happiness is the only thing that matters to him (even though he's still vary about the age gap, which matters not to me). (Mum thinks me ungrateful and spoiled.) I can’t understand my mother's logic! First she wants to marry me off, and when I (find the perfect man to be a partner to) tell her that there’s a special someone I (fancy) enjoy being with, she throws a (huge scandal) scene.
Oh, how I wish it wasn’t so stifling to live by society's rules. If it is ever known that you proposed to me before speaking to my father, and that I agreed to that proposal instead of slapping you for your impertinence, I’d be the pariah in town. You’d be simply frowned upon because of being a man (and all your mistakes would always be forgiven and forgotten about), but I’d be shamed and banned from all the respectful households in the city and alienated from the ('good’) people (oh, what a loss, how shall I ever live if something like this happens). It means nothing to me, of course, but (mum) mother would be destroyed entirely. Being loved and respected in society means so much to her, and our family’s reputation is necessary to uphold for my father’s business to prosper. (I wish…) I wish we could just…run away. Run fast and far, and forget about the dos and don’ts of the modern world, about the unfair differences between a man and a woman. John…I wish I could run away with you by my side. Oh, look at me being silly and sentimental. I know you don't like it (and I want so much for you to like me!), and I shall stop.
Still, I’m waiting impatiently for your reply and for meeting you at the ball.
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