The Zombieing of Chiswick by Canadian Whovian

Summary: They've bitten off more than they can chew- the zombies, that is, when they take on Donna and the Doctor. When Donna decides to go to Chiswick to visit her relatives, what should have been a normal and boring visit turns into mortal peril thanks to an unexplained zombie apocalypse.
Rating: Teen
Categories: Tenth Doctor
Characters: Donna Noble, The Doctor (10th), Wilfred Mott
Genres: Action/Adventure, Horror, Humor
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: 2015.04.08
Updated: 2015.04.21

The Zombieing of Chiswick by Canadian Whovian
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Author's Notes:

Donna Noble was a woman on a mission. There was one single, driving thought on her mind. Her red hair as fiery as her temper, Donna strode into the TARDIS console room with a sense of determination. For days she’d been trying to talk to the Doctor. He’d been so preoccupied fixing his TARDIS that whenever she’d attempted to bring up what was on her mind he didn’t hear her.

All of her previous attempts had failed and Donna was beginning to get the sense that he was purposely avoiding her. It must have been some bizarre alien trait because it seemed that the Doctor could anticipate what she was going to ask him before she could get the first few words out of her mouth.

Over the past three days she had resorted to ambushing the skinny Time Lord whenever possible to try and catch him off guard. Strangely, it seemed like he was always two steps ahead of her.

The first time was three days ago. It was morning and the two of them were sitting at the kitchen table having breakfast. Nothing huge, mostly just toast and jam.

“So, how did you sleep?” the Doctor asked, smiling, as he began the process of licking all the jam off of the toast before eating it. Donna was beginning to think that he liked the jam more than the toast.

“Well, after running for our lives trying to escape from the candy cane dwarfs, I was so exhausted I fell onto the bed and didn’t move the whole entire night. Slept like a baby.”

He licked off a sticky blob of jam that had oozed onto his finger. It wasn’t just one flavour of jam. It was six flavours and one of them was tomato. Just looking at him eating it was enough to make Donna want to puke.

“Yep, running for your life can definitely do that. I can’t sleep unless I there’s a possibility that I’m going to be in mortal peril at least five times before bed,” he said.

She took a bite of her toast. “You know, we never would have been in that situation if you hadn’t licked their candy canes,” she added.

“But they were good!” the Doctor insisted.

Donna shuddered slightly, remembering what the dwarves looked like. “But they were so creepy! With their red skin and white hair they looked a lot like Oompa Loompas!”

“Yeah, now that you mention it I suppose they did,” he nodded thoughtfully.

She took another bite of her toast. They ate for a few seconds in silence, giving her the time to muster up the courage to ask her question. It was nothing huge, but she knew he wouldn’t like it anyway.

“Doctor, I was thinking maybe it would be nice to take a break from traveling for a while. I’m feeling kind of homesick and I was wondering if maybe we could stop in and visit my mom and gramps for a few days.” Still staring at her plate, she waited for a reply and when she didn’t get one she looked up at the Doctor. “Did you hear me?”

Donna was shocked to see that the Time Lord managed to cram the remaining few slices of toast that was on his plate into his mouth all at once. Still chewing, he looked over at his companion and quickly mumbled a non-committal, unintelligible reply that sounded more like, “Mmhff gumff iffuff,” before dashing away at a speed so lightning fast that she would have missed him leave if she blinked. He left so fast that Donna stared at his plate, which was still wobbling and rattling on the table, expecting him to be where he was only half a second earlier, before she put a hand out to stop it.

Later that same day Donna decided to try a different tactic. The Doctor had left the table so fast in the morning that she knew the only other way she could get a straight answer out of him was to find a way to corner him and stop him from leaving. If he couldn’t leave then he couldn’t avoid the question. And then it came to her…

“Hey, Doctor!” Donna yelled over the sound of the water running as the Time Lord showered in the bathroom. She moved closer to the door and knocked on it with her knuckles. “You can’t get out of it now!” She smiled as she looked down at the pile of towels and clothes haphazardly piled high on the floor beside her. “I took all of your clothes and towels out of the bathroom! You’re trapped now! And guess what? I’m not giving ‘em back until you give me a straight answer, Spaceman!”

She heard him shut off the water and she leaned closer, putting her ear to the door, waiting for a reply. She couldn’t help the huge grin that was plastered on her face. She had him now. She knew she did. There was no possible way he could slip past her. He wouldn’t dare run out of the bathroom naked. He wasn’t brave enough to try.

“Doctor!” she called innocently from the other side of the door. Suddenly, the silence was broken by a series of strange sounds. There was a crinkling sound, followed by a few popping noises and then silence again.

“What’s going on in there?!”

She raised her hand to knock, her fingers inches away from rapping on the wooden surface, when it suddenly opened. Stunned, Donna stared at the Doctor in disbelief, her hand still raised in mid-knock with a shocked expression on her face.

To her surprise, the Doctor somehow managed to wrap himself up in the translucent shower curtain that was in the bathroom. A few of the hooks were still attached to it and it was soapy and wet. His hair was still dripping wet from the lack of a towel, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Hello Donna,” he grinned widely, holding up the makeshift towel around his waist with one hand and giving her a small wave. “Now, what did you want to ask me?”

Her brain froze over. She couldn’t think. She was so shocked she wasn’t sure if she found the sight of the naked Time Lord embarrassing, horrifying, humorous, or a combination of all three. One thing was for sure. One of them was embarrassed and it wasn’t him even though it should’ve been.


“Well, it mustn’t be that important.”

He shifted slightly on his feet and motioned to the bathroom behind him with a jab of his thumb. Both of them pretended not to hear the plastic shower curtain make an uncomfortable squeaking sound as it chafed when he moved. The thin material, just barely obscuring his nakedness, didn’t leave much to the imagination. Not that Donna wanted to imagine. The moment was getting more awkward by the second.

“I saved you some hot water if you want to have a shower. Although…” he paused, turning to look back into the mess of what was left of the bathroom. The floor was slopping wet with water and suds. The shower rod only had a few hooks still left hanging on it.

Still… It could’ve been worse. At least there’d been a shower curtain for him to use.

“If I were you, I’d stick with a bath,” he added before walking down the hall, not even bothering to pick up any of the clothes or towels that were on the floor as he stubbornly tried to maintain whatever dignity he had left. Whatever dignity a thin shower curtain could afford him, that is.

The other day, Donna found the Time Lord in the library. He was sitting in his favourite chair: the large overstuffed leather one close to the fireplace. She knew that he liked his quiet time and hated to be interrupted when he was reading and relaxing, but she needed an answer to her question and she’d try anything to get it out of him.

“Doctor…” Donna started, as she walked over to where he was sitting. He was sitting with a book in his lap; glasses perched on his nose, reading Charles Dickens. The Doctor quickly glanced up from his leisurely reading and when he saw Donna making her way over to him, he flipped through the remaining 136 pages of the book, reading at break neck Time Lord speed and closed the book, having finished the story just as she stopped right in front of where he was sitting.

“I knew I’d find you in here!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah, I figured I’d catch up on some reading,” he commented lightly.

“Was it a good book?”

She didn’t want to immediately dive into her question because she knew that he’d try to avoid her. Over the past few days she’d been pestering him to come up with an answer and she didn’t want him to become completely infuriated with her. At the same time, Donna was becoming irritatingly annoyed with him so maybe he deserved to be pestered almost continuously. She wouldn’t stop until she got a reply out of him and, judging by how the Doctor kept on the defensive, he knew it.

“It was brilliant! I love Charles Dickens! The man’s a genius. He’s written so many good books: Oliver Twist, A Tale of Two Cities, A Christmas Carol! My personal favourite of course, is a Christmas Carol. Just finished reading it, in fact. Did I tell you I met Charles Dickens? It was in Cardiff. Of course, I didn’t mean to end up in Cardiff. Rose and I were planning on going somewhere else, but you know how the TARDIS can be sometimes! Anyway, I met him, the Gelth and a lovely woman named Gwyneth. It turns out…”

“Yeah, anyway,” Donna interrupted. If she didn’t stop him now she knew that he’d ramble on for hours at length about nothing. “I didn’t come in here to listen to you ramble on. I came to ask you a question.”

The Doctor abruptly stopped in mid sentence with his mouth hanging open. He felt a little hurt at the way she so rudely interrupted him, but he wasn’t about to let it get to him. The second that he knew what she was after his demeanor quickly changed from cheery and energetic to serious and evasive. The Time Lord took his brainy specs off and put them in his jacket pocket. He carefully set the first edition book on the end table beside him.

“Oh! Would you look at the time?” he stated as he pulled up his sleeve to look at his wrist where a watch should have been.

“It’s 2 p.m.”

“I am so tired,” he said, stretching his arms above his head, giving a fake, over dramatic yawn as he glanced up at Donna.

“And you don’t sleep.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly,” he winked as he got up. “That’s why I’m so tired. I haven’t slept in a few days.”

“But Doctor-” She turned to face him as he started to walk away.

“So tired!” He said as he left the room, leaving Donna fuming with anger over her missed chance.


“Oh, you’re here!” the Doctor exclaimed in mild surprise as he met up with Donna in the hallway.

“Of course I’m here you big doofus! Where else would I be?!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “I haven’t seen you for a while. I kind of forgot you were here.”

“That’s because you keep avoiding me!”

“I haven’t been!” he said defensively, giving her his biggest puppy dog eyed pout, using his warm brown eyes to sway her. It always worked on the women. But Donna was different. She was like Kryptonite to his greatest weapon.

“Yeah right.”

“Honestly!” He tried again, giving her a heartwarming smile, full of charm, using his gorgeous eyes once more.

Damn! It wasn’t working!

Donna knew what he was trying to do and she wasn’t impressed. “Well then, how come every time I try to find you the hallways keep changing? I went to the bathroom earlier and almost dropped my drawers in your garden!”

“It’s not me,” he said seriously. “It’s the TARDIS. She doesn’t always like to obey the law of physics and spatial dimensions. She’s a sassy old girl!” he replied, clicking his tongue cheekily.

“Anyway, now that you’re here I’ve been thinking-”

“Oh, that reminds me!” He threw his hands up into the air, completely oblivious to his companion. “Milk! I forgot to get milk! Can’t have breakfast without it.”

Donna angrily pointed a finger at him, nearly poking him in the eye. “See, you are avoiding me!”

He shrugged. “I’m only popping out for a minute.”

“We’re in the middle of the Time Vortex!” Donna said exasperatedly.

“Exactly. I’m popping out for milk and it might take a while,” he explained as he turned to leave. He stopped in mid step and bounced on the balls of his feet before rushing back over to Donna. “Maybe I should get a cow. Then I won’t have to do a milk run as often.”

“Cow? Why don’t you get a cow that makes jam? At the rate you go through it I’m surprised you don’t pop out for things more often. I swear, it’s like you’re addicted to the stuff. You’re always on a sugar high.”

“Good idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that,” he replied before walking down the hall. He heard her calling from him and quickly increased his pace, determined to get away.

“But, Doctor, I-”

Donna went to follow after him. When she rounded the corner the Doctor had gone and the hallway had changed again. Now she found herself standing at a closet filled with balloon animals and confetti. It was a dead end. And she didn’t entirely blame the TARDIS for this one.


This time Donna meant it. She wasn’t going to let the Doctor avoid her forever. She was going to tell him what was on her mind whether he liked it or not.

Lately, when the Doctor hadn’t been trying to avoid her, he had been in the console room doing some kind of maintenance work on the TARDIS. As Donna determinedly strolled into the console room she noted that today was no different. The skinny alien, with brainy specs on and sonic screwdriver held in his mouth, was knee deep in wires, bits of machinery, and dozens of feet of cabling trying to fix something.

Donna’s fast paced footsteps echoed on the metal grating before she abruptly halted right in front of him. He was so absorbed in his work that he didn’t even look up to see her. Brow furrowed in concentration, he took the sonic screwdriver and sonicked a couple of pieces of wiring together.

“Donna, can you pass me that wrench over there?” he asked as he vaguely gestured to the other side of the console without even looking.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll grab it for you.” She walked around to the other side of the console, picked up the heavy wrench and walked back over to the Time Lord, whose hand was outstretched expectantly. Instead of handing it to him she whacked him on the arm with it.

“Oi! What was that for?!” he demanded as he rubbed his arm and looked up at her in surprise.

“Oh, so now you pay attention to me!”

“Actually, Donna, that’s the wrong wrench. I need the other small one that was just beside it.”

She rolled her eyes, placed her hands on her hips, and glared at him. “Listen, Spaceman! I’ve been trying to talk to you for days and you’ve been avoiding me!”

“I’ve been busy!” He irritably replied as he sonicked a few other bits of cabling, springs, and wiring. “But now it’s done.”

“What’s done? Whatever it is, it better be bloody important!”

“It is.”

He quickly tidied up and replaced the metal grating that he pulled up off of the floor back into its original position. The Doctor stood up and guided her over to a series of buttons on the console.

“What did you do?”

“You’ll see,” he grinned as he hit a big blue button.

Curiously, Donna looked around waiting for something to change. There was no movement of the Time Rotor signaling that they were moving through time and space, no secret room or gadgets uncovered, no ninjas climbing down on ropes from the ceiling, no confetti, no nothing. Everything was exactly the same. She turned back to the Doctor, who was still grinning, and looked at him like he was crazy. “But everything’s the same. You didn’t change anything.”

“Yes, I did.” He patted the console lovingly. “Didn’t I, old girl?”

“Hello Doctor.” The voice was sexy and feminine, as sensuous and seductive as any man’s dream.

“Whoa!” Donna backed up a few steps in surprise, definitely not expecting it. “I was not expecting this!”

“Hello Donna,” the TARDIS greeted pleasantly.

She eyed the Doctor. “But how can it talk?”

“The TARDIS is alive. She’s sentient and she’s telepathic. She already gets inside your head. I just figured it’d be nice to hear her for a change.”

“I didn’t know you could do that! Where did you get that idea? That’s so Star Trek!”

“Actually, Donna, that’s exactly where I got the idea from. Good old Star Trek! The original’s great, but I prefer The Next Generation, myself.”

“So, what’s next? Those doors on Star Trek that open sideways and make that whooshing sound?” she added sarcastically. “Because that is so annoying.”

The Time Lord grinned goofily at her. “Did you know that Gene Roddenberry was from the future? How else do you think that he came up with all of that advanced technology?”

“And let me guess, next you’re going to tell me that Vulcans are real, right?”

“They’re not, but Klingons are.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. In fact, I’ll have you know that I speak perfect Klingon.”

“You are such a nerd! But if you got the idea from Star Trek how come the TARDIS sounds so, well, sexy?”

The Doctor shrugged.

“You’ve been a naughty boy, haven’t you, Doctor?” The TARDIS commented.

The Doctor closed his eyes and chuckled slightly in a bemused way.

“What’s so funny?” asked Donna.

“Hmm… that tickles.”

“What does?”

“She’s just showing me-”

Donna quickly smacked the Time Lord on his sore arm to snap him out of it. “Right… Anyway, Doctor, as I was saying.” Rubbing his arm, he looked over at his companion, waiting for her to continue. “Chiswick: Gramps and Mom. Can we go?”

He glanced away and ran a hand through his messy brown hair, making it even messier. “Oh, Donna, I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“It’s just...” He sighed. “I don’t do well with mothers and I definitely don’t do domestic. Let’s just say I have a history of being slapped and I know that Sylvia doesn’t exactly like me.”

“Oi! I’ll slap you if we don’t go! Besides, I don’t mean forever, just a day or two. You don’t even need to be in the house the whole time. I’m sure Gramps will love to show you his new telescope.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I do love spending time with Wilfred.”

“Doctor,” the TARDIS interrupted. “I must warn you that Chiswick has a high concentration of zomb-”

“That’s enough of that,” Donna said, hitting the button to silence the TARDIS’s disturbingly sexy voice.

“But Donna-” he started, but her glare shut him up. His arm was still throbbing from where she hit him twice and he didn’t want to add a slap to it as well. “So, Chiswick then?” he said as he fiddled with various buttons and knobs, laying in the coordinates, before releasing the handbrake and sending the TARDIS flying through the Time Vortex. Minutes later, the TARDIS landed.

“Come on, then!” he called to Donna as he grabbed his coat and threw it on. “Chiswick it is!”

Donna followed after him. “Okay, but try not to act too bored around them. Actually, I think it’ll be nice not having to run for our lives for a change. It’ll be just a nice simple family visit.”

“Yep.” He held the door open for her. “And the sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave.”

Donna chuckled slightly and shook her head, smacking him playfully. “Let’s go already!”

“Allons-y!” he replied as he let her past him before exiting and closing the TARDIS door behind him.

Suddenly, the empty console room lit up in mauve, the universal emergency colour. On the computer screen at the console a series of crudely drawn cartoon stick men pictures flashed on the monitor showing zombies attacking and eating people before repeating and beginning again in a continuous cycle.

Trouble was brewing in Chiswick! Dun-dun-dun!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

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