Birthday In(sanity) by Crackers and Cheese

Summary: The Doctors have gathered at a hotel for their 1500th birthday and it quickly becomes crazy! This time with more Master! Sequel to Birthday in Vegas.
Rating: Teen
Categories: First Doctor, Second Doctor, Third Doctor, Fourth Doctor, Fifth Doctor, Sixth Doctor, Seventh Doctor, Eighth Doctor, Multi-Era, Ninth Doctor, Tenth Doctor, Eleventh Doctor
Characters: The Doctor (10th), The Doctor (10th), The Doctor (11th), The Doctor (11th), The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (5th), The Doctor (5th), The Doct
Genres: Action/Adventure, General, Humor
Warnings: Swearing
Challenges: None
Series: Birthday in.... Series
Published: 2012.09.30
Updated: 2012.12.22


Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter 2: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 2 or 'Game Time'
Chapter 3: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 3 of 'Paintball Battle'
Chapter 4: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 4 or ‘6 Rounds of Hell’
Chapter 5: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 5 or ‘Skydiving Difficulties’
Chapter 6: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 6 or ‘Parachute Malfunctions’
Chapter 7: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 7 or ‘That Time We Sat in a Barn All Night’
Chapter 8: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 8 or ‘The Really Long Night’
Chapter 9: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 9 or ‘The Great Pillow Fight’
Chapter 10: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 10 or ‘The Doctors’ Revenge’
Chapter 11: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 11 or ‘The Battle of the Ages’
Chapter 12: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 12 or ‘Epilogue: Many Goodbyes’

Chapter 1: Prologue

Author's Notes: Welcome to Birthday In (sanity)! Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, I was being lazy having major writer's block. Please tell me this is funny so I can continue. I might update pretty soon if all goes well. Also, thanks to the reviewers of Birthday in Vegas! Without you, I would have never written this sequel in the first place.

Birthday In (sanity) Pt. 1 or 'Prologue'

"No, no, no, no, NO!" yelled Six as Seven dragged him into an abandoned hotel just off Route 66. "I'll sue!"

"You can't sue yourself," huffed Seven. He paused for second to catch his breath. "Dang you're heavy."

Six laughed triumphantly. "I knew eating that cheesecake was the right thing to do!"

Seven dragged Six up by the legs for the first few steps before collapsing by the door. "That was much more than a simple cheesecake."

Suddenly the hotel door opened and Ten popped out. "Six, Seven, you're here! Welcome to our birthday party! Seven, you don't look so good."

Seven groaned. "I'm so thirsty I could drink Ace's Nitro-9." Ten frowned in shock as Six stood up and dusted off his clothes. "That'll teach you to drag me halfway across the galaxy for a stupid party!"

"There's no party like a Time Lord party," Seven said weakly, still lying on the floor. Ten's frown deepened. "There's punch in the lobby if you want it..."

"Punch?" Seven asked, suddenly alert. Before Ten could answer, Seven was up, inside the hotel and had already dunked his head into the punch bowl. Ten stared at where Seven was in astonishment before turning to Six. "Did you know One ditched us?"

Six rolled his eyes and shoved his way through the doorway. "I swear he has ADHD," he muttered as Ten followed him while reciting lines from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

In the lobby Six meet up with the other Doctors. "Why's One not here?" he asked Nine.

Nine raised his eyebrow. "Ten didn't tell you?"

Six gestured over to Ten. He was currently watching Two and Three arm wrestle. They both struggled for a while before Three slammed Two's hand into the table. Five cheered while Four dejectedly gave him forty pounds, obviously losing a bet.

Two grinned as he rubbed his sore hand. "I know you've won the arm wrestle, but the Brigadier still likes me more."

Three frowned. "No, he likes me more! The arm wrestle contest proves it!" he whined. Two just stuck his tongue at him. "Now that's just rude!"

Nine frowned as he turned back to Six. "Oh I see."

Six rolled his eyes. "Obviously."

Nine glared at him. "Do you want to know why One ditched us or not?" Six nodded and Nine smiled.

"Good. Now, word from the past tells me he said that 'I am not spending another minute with those immature fools that are supposedly my future, hmm? I would be infinitely happier if instead I regenerated into a pile of sh-'"

"Eek!" Eleven shrieked girlishly as he realized that some of Seven's hair was in the glass of punch he almost drank.

Eight looked horrified while Ten snickered. "Eleven screams like a girl," he chanted.

Eleven scowled. "You're a hyped up teenage girl!"

Ten scowled as they got closer. Before they could do anything else someone knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" said Five on impulse. Four rolled his eyes and said, "Come in."

The door banged opened and the person to come inside was none other than…

The Master!

Eleven turned to Ten as everyone gaped at the Master.

"You really f*&%ed up this time Ten."

Back to index

Chapter 2: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 2 or 'Game Time'

Author's Notes: Thank you for reading so far! It is my birthday today, and I hope this chapter is at least amusing enough for you to review. Also, comment on how the character of the Master is going. I hope it fits in with the real thing.

"You really f*&%ed up this time, Ten."

Ten looked at Eleven sheepishly and then turned to glare at the Master. “You were supposed to come after I explained the rules, you idiot!”

The Master rolled his eyes. “Well, no one can be gifted with your incredible sense of timing,” he said sarcastically.

Five glared at the Master. “We have a great sense of timing, thank you very much.”

Two and Three nodded at that.

Then Six interjected, “Well, there were some times we weren’t ah, what’s the word....perfect.”

“Like the time I was shot in San Francisco,” Seven added bitterly.

Four scrunched his face into a look of confusion. “Umm, guys, I think we should ask the Master why he’s at our birthday party.”

Everyone looked at the Master. “Well?” asked Three impatiently.

The Master pointed at Ten. “He’s the one who invited me, ask him!”

Everyone looked at Ten. Ten blushed. “He’s the referee,” Ten muttered finally.

“He’s the referee?” Six said, outraged. “What are we doing, playing soccer?” This soon escalated into a fight on whether or not Six would be any good at soccer.

“You know, I read a fanfic somewhere where we were playing Time Lord soccer against all of our enemies...and won,” whispered Four to Seven, who was beside him.

Seven raised an eyebrow at him. “You read that stuff?”

Four chuckled quietly. “Of course I do! I mean, what else are you going to do in the middle of the night in the TARDIS? Sleep?”

“Alright, alright, everyone!” yelled Ten. “Here are the rules. First we divide into two teams. Then we go into one of the elevators-” he pointed to the pair of elevators that did not look like they should be in service, “-and go to the first level and face a challenge. One team wins, one team loses, the team with the most wins overall wins. The Master here will make sure there are no major disputes and also operate the elevators. Any questions?”

Seven raised his hand and looked at the Master. “Why this Master?”

The Master shrugged. “One of us is a corpse, one is in a time lock, one is still stuck in the Eye of Harmony-” he glared at Eight, who blushed slightly, “-and one couldn’t care less.”

“So you’re Ainley!Master, then?” clarified Two.

“Yep,” said Ainley!Master. “Be prepared for some gay camp!”

Ten was confused. “There’s no gayness between us,” he said to the Master.

The Master laughed. “Sure, like that phone call we had when I was Prime Minister wasn’t flirting on some level.”

“What are the teams?” asked Nine, who was slightly off topic.

Ten tapped his chin in thought for a moment and said, “Two, Three, Five, Six and Seven are on the Blue team, while Four, Eight, Nine, Eleven and I are on the Red team.”

The Blue team cheered, while Nine and Eight groaned. “I can believe we’re on the team that are 60% idiots!” Nine muttered.

Eight sighed and took out two beers. He held one out to Nine. “Want one?” he asked.

“Would I!” Nine said as he took one and swallowed half of its contents.

Soon enough the teams were situated inside the elevators, and the Master operated them behind the reception desk.

The Blue Team’s elevator:

As the doors closed and they started to go up, the radio came on.

‘Doctor in Distress- let’s all answer his SOS, Doctor in Distress- bring him back now we won’t take less-’

Six groaned and Three chuckled. Seven looked up at the ceiling, wrung his hands and yelled, “Master!” very angrily. Two just smiled, tapping his foot in time with the beat. Five was too busy thinking about cricket to notice a thing.

The Red Team’s elevator:

‘It was a cold, wet night in November 22 years ago, It was a police box in a junkyard- we didn’t know where it would go-’

Ten, Nine and Eleven clamped their hands over their ears while Eight drank his beer rather aggressively. Four, however, was swaying to the music. “I can’t see what you’re making a fuss about, guys, this music is actually good.”

Eight paused in his drinking to stare at Four. “You can’t be that stupid.”

The Blue Team:

Six ran out of the elevator along with Seven, but Three had to drag Two out (“It was cheesy '80s music you could dance to!” Two would say to Three hours later.

“If you had two left feet,” Three would mutter as he he took another sip from his beer).

They were in a clearing in a forest in the nighttime. Two took a look around their surroundings and said, “I can’t believe this can fit into a hotel.”

“Never mind that,” said Three as he pointed to a paintball rack nearby.

Five grinned. “Let the games begin.”

Back to index

Chapter 3: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 3 of 'Paintball Battle'

Author's Notes: Author’s Note: Sorry for the long wait. I would love to know if this sequel is as good as its predecessor, Birthday in Vegas. By the way, the next round: Drinking Contest! Goodbye for now!

“How does this thing work?” asked Two as he warily studied his paintball gun. He accidentally pulled the trigger and squeaked as a shot rang out. Three would have laughed but he was busy running from Five, who was a bit trigger happy.

“Take that, Tegan! Take that, Master! Take that, Adric!” Five shouted as he shot randomly at innocent bunnies and squirrels.

Six tore the gun from his hands. “That’s it. You’re out of this round.”

Five’s eyes widened. “What? No!!!”

Six nodded. “Yes, Five. You just can’t go around shooting things willy nilly! That’s what the Daleks do!”

“Please Six, let me stay! I’ll shoot at the enemy if you want me to!” Five pleaded, looking at Six with a puppy dog look.

Six sighed and rolled his eyes, relenting. “Alright, you can stay.”

As Five cheered, Six turned to Seven, who was unusually quiet. “Doing alright, Seven?”

Seven nodded and resumed trying to aim his gun straight at a tree nearby. The force of the shot made him lose the aim and he shot into the sky. Six facepalmed as Seven troed to avoid being hit by three dead birds that fell from the sky. “Am I the only one of us that can use a gun?” Six groaned.

“I can use a gun,” protested Three as he threw down his paintball. “Just not this. I tend to lean toward the big guns.” He took out a massive paintball gun.

“Hmph,” Six grunted, even though he was a little bit awed.

Six checked that his gun was loaded and looked across the field at their targets. “Two against five, huh?” he asked Three.

“Three against Five!” said Five as he scampered to join Six and Three at the front lines.

Six looked over their side of the field. Seven was holding his nose was walking around the dead birds, Two was cursing since he just shot himself in the face twice, and Five was currently holding the gun in the wrong direction.

Six leaned toward Three and whispered, “We are so screwed.”


The Red Team:

“We are so screwed,” muttered Nine.

Eight didn’t even know how to shoot, and Ten was afraid of the guns, wailing, “No, not again! Not after Gallifrey and the Master and Rassilon and stupid, stupid Wilf and...f^&*ing Vinvocci glass...” trying to crush a gun with his hands with little success.

Four turned to Eleven as the scene unfolded. “Too much punch?” he suggested, and Eleven nodded.

“I couldn’t deal with sugar back then,” he responded.

He looked at Eight, who was soaking in paint. “Looks like he’s out then.”

Four nodded grimly and started to walk away from the front lines. “Count me out too.”

“What?” Eleven said in shock. “You can’t!”

“Do you really want me to handle a gun?” asked Four. He leaned against a tree. “Good luck. I have some jelly babies to worship.”

Eleven rolled his eyes and turned to Nine, who had convinced Ten to to touch a gun and even test shot it at Eight’s face, who glared and yelled curses at them.

As Eleven approached them, he heard Nine whisper to Ten, “Just think of them as Cybermen.”

“Ready?” Eleven asked, and Nine grimaced.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” They both looked up as three birds fell from the sky.

“Seems like the other side isn’t so great either,” said Eleven, somewhat relieved.

“Evens the chances a bit.” Nine rolled his eyes while Eleven picked up his weapon.

“Let’s see if I have a better aim than my predecessors, shall we?” said Eleven. Eleven accidentally pulled at the trigger and squealed as the shot rang out. “I guess not then,” Eleven muttered as Nine laughed and Ten muttered that guns were waaay worse than pears.


The Master stood between the two teams in the middle of the field. He took out a megaphone and yelled, “EVERYBODY READY?” Most of Doctors covered their ears since he was only a few feet away from them. He took that as a yes.


The Master snickered as he put away the megaphone and ran well away from the warzone. “They are soo going to kill themselves!” he muttered as the first shots rang out. “This is way better than hanging out with the Rani any day!”


The Blue Team:

Three and Six risked a sidelong glance at each other as the Master ran off. “Nothing to lose, right?” muttered Six. Three smiled at him and aimed at the other team; shooting straight at...


The Red Team:

...Nine’s privates. Nine grunted as he fell between Ten and Eleven. Eleven stopped shooting and bent down to help him, but Nine waved him away.

“Are you sure?” Eleven asked. All he got was a groan in response. “Do you need help?” Eleven asked.

“No, leave me alone.”

“I can get you an ice pack or something...”

“Just...just leave me alone!”

“I can drag you to a tree nearby...”

“What, don’t you understand from the words ‘leave me alone’?” Nine snapped.

Eleven smiled sadly at him. “It really hurts, doesn’t it?”

Nine's eyes widened. He frowned as he scrambled to stand. “Shut up.”

Eleven grinned as Nine walked awkwardly across the field to a tree. He turned to Ten. “How are we holding...oh.” Eleven’s grin faded. Ten was soaked with paint, and Eleven realized that he himself hadn’t fared better. His whole backside was covered with paint. “And I just got my coat cleaned!” he groaned.

Eight wiped paint from his eyes and looked at the scene. Even Four was covered, paint dripping from his curls as he nibbled on a jelly baby. “We lost then,” said Eight, who was way out of the loop.

“Yep, and we need to get clean,” said Eleven as he grabbed Ten and Eight and pulled them into the elevator. He went back to drag Four and help Nine into the elevator. “If we are going to lose the first round, at least we can go to the second round clean and refreshed, right?”

Some of the Doctors agreed to this, but Nine just groaned, still recovering, and Four muttered something about gumdrop farms in Arizona.

As Eleven pressed the button for the next floor, Nine yelped and Ten cheered as disinfectant spray came from the ceiling. “This is exactly like the lift from the hospital on New Earth!” said Ten.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Ten,” said Nine grimly. “I’m practically drowning in the stuff.”

When the blow drying stage came and Ten was the only person who didn’t shriek, Eleven seriously wondered if Ten had some huge amounts of sugar before the party.

Considering the way Ten was bouncing on the balls of his feet, Eleven assumed he did.

The Blue Team:

“We won! We won!” cheered Six as he hugged Three.

Two looked on at the scene with amusement. “You’re saying that like it was impossible,” said Two.

Six patted Two on the back as he led Three to the elevator. “Because it was!” He grabbed Five and motioned to Seven to follow him into the elevator. “Come on, guys, we have another round to win!”

Back to index

Chapter 4: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 4 or ‘6 Rounds of Hell’

Author's Notes: A/N: Thank you for reading so far!

Beer!” squealed Five as the elevator door opened to an empty bar. The center of the bar was occupied by a long, rectangular table with 11 chairs around it. In front of each chair was a glass, and at the center of the table were a bowl and assorted alcoholic beverages, including vodka, scotch and beer.

As Five gawked over an alcoholic’s dream, Six’s face was drained of all color. “We are really determined to get drunk on our birthdays, are we?”

Seven smiled as he led Six to a seat at the table and sat beside him. “Don’t fret, Six. I don’t think the other Doctors will go overboard like last time.”

“Speak of the devil,” muttered Six as the Red team showed up.

As they sat down at the table Ten looked eagerly around the table. “I’ve hadn’t had a drink in ages.”

“There’s a good reason for that,” Six said darkly.

Eleven looked up from the latest issue of Sonic Screwdrivers Monthly he brought with him. “Come on, Six, it’s gonna be alright. For most of us, anyway. Hey, did you know the newest iScrewdriver is coming out on December 6th?” Six rolled his eyes.

Further down the table Three and Four were betting who was going to last the shortest. “I think Nine would go on longer than Eight. Definitely longer than Five,” said Three as he counted how much money he had in his pocket. (So far all he has found were some marbles, a winning lottery ticket, a few dust bunnies, and a nickel.)

“Anyone can last longer than Five. Well, anyone except Ten,” said Four as he laid 10 pounds on the table. He looked across the table at Three. “This is yours if Five wins.”

Three smiled and waved 20 pounds in Four’s face. “This is yours if you win.”

Four was appalled. “How dare you choose me! I’m sure I can hold my liquor better than Ten!”

Three’s grin widened. “That’s what’s so genius about it. You’re not the worst one here, but I know the Master, and I’m sure none of us are safe.”

“Fine, then I’m changing my bet to you then.”

Three could only shrug before the Master appeared at the head of the table. “Welcome to the First Annual Doctor Birthday Drinking Contest!”

Nine paled. “I have to be with these idiots every year?!?” he groaned.

The Master shrugged. “You’ll get used to it,” he said dismissively. “Anyway, the rules are simple. You drink from the glasses at the start of each round. If you can’t drink the whole glass as soon as the next round starts, you’re disqualified. Last one standing is the winner. Got it?” After seeing everyone nod, he added, “Instead of you guys drinking one alcoholic drink, you’re going to drink them all, together!”

The Master demonstrates his point by mixing all the alcoholic drinks on the table, which included beer, vodka and scotch into one bowl and pouring the resulting solution into each of the Doctors' glasses. Eleven's face turned green by just looking into his glass. Three suspected he wouldn’t last long. “You know what, Four,” said Three as he eyed the green solution that was now in his glass. “I’m changing my bet to me, too.”

Four began to smile but grimaced as the Master poured the alcoholic solution into his glass. “This is going to be a long night,” he muttered as Two threw up under the table.


"Everyone ready?” asked the Master. He grinned as the Doctors reluctantly nodded. “Alright then! Bottom’s up!” The Doctors eyed their drinks one last time before draining their glasses.

As soon as he finished, Eleven spat the concoction back into his glass. “This is disgusting!” he exclaimed.

“One down!” the Master said. He sipped into his own glass and smacked his lips thoughtfully. “Tastes like carrot juice.” He grimaced.

Further down the table, everyone was getting refills for the next round. Four sipped his drink and said, “I know what this needs.” He reached for his bag of jelly babies and poured some into his glass. He sipped his glass again. “Mm, much better.” Three only looked at him in disgust.

“Get ready for Round Two!” shouted the Master down the table. “Ready, go!” As the Doctors finished the round two, they started feeling the effects of the alcohol. Nine started to slur, Ten started to mutter gibberish in Gallifreyan, and Four added a dozen jelly babies in his drink.

After Round Three, Ten's muttering became shouts, Eight knocked him out with a hammer shortly before knocking himself out, and Seven started to sing some lullabies in French.

After Round Four, Three sliced his glass in half while practicing his Venusian aikido, Six ran to the bathroom, and Five started to mutter something about reversing the polarity of the neutron flow.

After Round Five, Five blacked out and Nine stood up, yelled, “Goodbye, cruel world!” and promptly blacked out. That left Four and Seven, on opposite ends of the table.

“Well, this is unexpected,” the Master commented as he poured the last of the alcohol into their glasses. “Drink up.”

Four glared at Seven as he poured the rest of his jelly babies into his drink. As Four drained his glass, Seven stared at his; watching for invisible swirls in its murky depths.

“I am going to regret this,” he muttered. He then drained his glass. The Final Round was on.


The Master watched the scene with excitement. He’d drugged their drinks with a special chemical that doubled the effects of the alcohol. He chuckled as he leaned back on his chair. This was going to be an epic final round.


Both Doctors looked like they were gonna throw up at any second. As Four started to sweat, Seven plucked the celery on Five’s coat and sniffed it to calm his nerves. As the seconds ticked by, Four thought that his insides were going to explode as Seven stood up.

“I quit,” he muttered before collapsing. Four celebrated his victory by blacking out.

"The score is one to one,” Eight said as he clapped Four, who was mad that he didn’t earn 20 pounds on Three’s bet, on the back after they all recovered. “We can actually win this!”

“I doubt it,” said Nine as he walked into the elevator. “I’m pretty sure the next challenge is harder than a drinking contest, and I want to face it with all of my team members sober.”

“We’re all s-sober,” slurred Ten, who was being supported by Eleven. Ten was currently trying to guide a water bottle to his mouth while staying standing with little success.

“You-,” said Nine, pointing at Ten, “are going to have a terrible hangover in morning.”

As they all piled into the elevator, Eight asked, “I wonder what’s on the next floor?” As the elevator door opened, the Red Team gaped in shock.

Eight looked over at Ten, who was leaning most of his weight on Eleven, and said, “We might be screwed.”


"This is not good,” muttered Seven.

“I’ll say,” agreed Six. They came out from the elevator into... an airplane that was in the air.

“Well, at least it’s not dragon slaying,” Three said.

Five just stared in shock. “It’s like Time-Flight all over again!”

Two scampered over to the rack across the room. “Look, parachutes!” he exclaimed, waving some backpacks at the rest of the team.

Six paled. “It looks like we’re jumping out of this thing.”

Seven grimaced as he pulled on a parachute backpack he got from Two. “As the Eleventh Doctor would say, ‘Geronimo!’”

Back to index

Chapter 5: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 5 or ‘Skydiving Difficulties’

Author's Notes: I hope you like this chapter, even though it is short. Future updates will be weekly from now on. Hopefully.

“I think we’re supposed to jump off this plane,” said Three as he strapped on a parachute.

Five paled as he too strapped on a parachute. “A-Are you sure?” he asked hesitantly. “I haven’t like jumping off high heights since my regeneration.”

“Aww, poor Four’s death got you afraid of heights?” Six said in a mock cooing voice. When Five nodded; Six grinned. “Good, ‘cause that means you’re going first!” Six yelled as he pushed Five out of the plane.

“Hey! That wasn’t nice!” frowned Two.

“If you don’t like it so much, join him!”

As Six shoved him towards the exit Two protested. “I-I don’t like heights!”

“That much is obvious,” said Three, referring to Two’s shortness. Before Two could respond, Six pushed him out of the door, before going out himself.

Three turned to the only other person in the room, Seven. “You afraid of heights too?” Three asked.

Seven was offended. “Hell no!” To prove his point, Seven jumped out then and there.

“Well here goes nothing,” said Three as he jumped out of the plane.


“Get off of me!” said Eleven to Ten, who was drooling all over his lap. Nine had jumped off already, leaving Eight, Four, Eleven and a drunk Ten on the plane.

“Nooo,” protested Ten, giggling in Eleven’s ear.

Eleven instantly moved away from him and grimaced. “Eww, get him off me!”

“I’ll gladly take over,” said Eight. “Come on, Ten,” he said as he tried to lift Ten from Eleven’s lap.

Ten slapped his hands away and hung on Eleven. “I want to be with Eleven!”

“I don’t want you!” Eleven said pushing Ten away from him.

Ten stumbled over into Four’s arms. “Jelly baby?” Four asked, holding out a bag to Ten while steadying him.

Ten tried to grab the bag but misaimed and ended up spilling the jelly babies all over the floor. “Noo!” yelled Four, instantly dropping to the floor, quickly stuffing all the jelly babies in his mouth. This left Ten unsupported, so he fell to the ground.

“Now are you ready for me to carry you?” said Eight. Ten shook his head. Eight frowned. “Too bad then,” he said before forcibly throwing Ten over his shoulder while Ten pounded his fists on his back in protest.

“How were you this?” asked Eight tiredly as he forced a parachute on Ten.

Eleven shrugged as he put on a parachute himself. “How were we Four?” he asked before jumping out of the plane.

Since Four had already jumped out this left Eight and Ten alone. “Come on,” said Eight as he put on his own parachute, “We’re going to get out of here.”

“No! I’ll throw up if I go out there!” screamed Ten as Eight dragged him to the door. “It’s not my fault you have a low alcohol tolerance!” Eight sighed as he watched Ten fall out. “For such a skinny bloke he’s heavy,” he muttered. Then he jumped into the abyss.

Back to index

Chapter 6: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 6 or ‘Parachute Malfunctions’

Author's Notes: Keep reviewing and I’ll keep updating! Bye!

“Yeehah!” yelled Seven as he fell through the sky. Two, who was beside him, screamed. Four would have laughed, but it was muffled by the jelly babies in the mouth. Eleven, meanwhile was busy trying to flap away from Ten, who was trying to grab hold of his tweed coat.

Below them the Master causally folded his arms as he sank through the air. “How’s it going?” he yelled to the Doctors above him.

“Not so well,” said Five, trying to sound calm but not quite pulling it off. “I would’ve been more prepared if someone hadn’t pushed me off the plane,” he continued, glaring at Six.

Six shrugged. “It’s my nature,” he said.


Nine was far below them and was trying to open his parachute. “How the hell are you here?” he asked Eight, who had joined him.

Eight smiled. “I have a couple of rocks in my pocket,” he said happily. “Why?” asked Nine. After Eight shrugged Nine rolled his eyes. “How could I have been you?” Nine said.

Nine tried to open his parachute. “It’s jammed. My parachute’s jammed!” Eight tried his parachute too, and found out his was also jammed. Above them, the rest of the Doctors were experiencing the same issue.

Six turned to the Master. “You jammed our parachutes, didn’t you?” he asked.

The Master laughed. “Of course I did!” He released his own parachute and and immediately flew up a few inches. “Good luck!”


This left the Doctors without parachutes as they were rapidly falling to the ground. “What do we do?” asked Five, instantly panicking.

Six sighed. “There is no ‘we’ Five, it’s everyone for themselves now. And I know what I’m doing.”

And with that, Six pulled off his coat and threw it over his head, successfully making a parachute.

As Four copied Six, Seven took out his question mark umbrella and used it for a parachute. Three, Two and Five looked in dismay at the ground that was rapidly heading towards them. “Maybe if I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow...” Three muttered as he got out his sonic screwdriver.

Two slapped the screwdriver from his hands. “Everyone knows that doesn’t work!” Two exclaimed.

Three didn’t respond, too busy looking down at his disappearing screwdriver. “You bastard!”

“Takes one to know one,” Two replied calmly. Three attempted to grab hold of Two but Two manages to get out of the way at the last minute. Soon they were wrestling each other.

Eleven looked over this in disgust. “This has been an awfully long fall hasn’t it?” he asked Five.

Five shrugged. “It’s not the most unusual thing here, is it?”

“No it isn’t. He is,” Eleven agreed, pointing at Ten who was snoring on his back.

Eleven shook him awake. “Wha-? Are the Krillitanes back?” yelled Ten as he woke up.

Eleven sighed. “Get off me. We’re still falling, by the way,” Eleven added as Ten yawned.

Five became increasingly alarmed as Nine and Eight flew above him on their makeshift parachutes and the green blobs below him were rapidly becoming recognizable as trees. He tried to make his coat a parachute, but it wouldn’t pick up. “Stupid cricket jacket,” he muttered.

He looked at the cluster of trees a few miles below him. “I hope I land in a tree!” he said as he fell to the Earth.


Five cursed as he collided with the ground. He didn’t land in a tree.


Eleven had successfully used his tweed jacket as a parachute, but he couldn’t get Ten off him. “C’mon Ten, get your own ride!”

“No!” said Ten, who was attached to Eleven’s chest.

“Please?” Eleven asked kindly.

Ten thought for a while and said, “I want a hug.”

Eleven frowned. “No, you’re drunk.” Ten giggled and tried to force Eleven into a hug by grabbing his arms and forcing them around Ten. This caused Eleven to let go of his jacket and they both fell into a tree.

Unluckily for Eleven, he went through the tree and fell on the ground. Even worse, Ten fell on top of him, giggling and cheering, “Again, again!”

“I hate you,” Eleven groaned as Ten passed out above him.


"I hate you so much!" yelled Two at Three. They had landed knee-deep in mud.

Three laughed as mud seeped into his boots. "Me too, man. me too." He playfully flicked mud onto Two's nose and chuckled as Two tackled him into the mud pit.

Back to index

Chapter 7: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 7 or ‘That Time We Sat in a Barn All Night’

“This is stupid,” Six grumbled as his coat caught in a branch of an oak tree. He released his hold of his coat and landed with a thump. Four fell beside him.

“I wanna do that again!” Four cheered. “Well I don’t,”Six looked up at his coat in the tree, which he probably will never get down. “And since I’m older I win.”

“Aww,” Four groaned.

Seven appeared from under a pile of leaves and dusted his coat. “I agree, that was fun,” he grinned.

“You would say that, you actually had something to cushion your fall with!” Five yelled, rubbing his head as he joined the other Doctors.

“That I did,” Seven said, grinning wider. “Where’s the Master?” he asked suddenly.

“Right here!” the Master said, seemly appearing next to Seven from nowhere. Seven gasped in surprise and then frowned.

“I hate when you do that,” Seven grumbled.

“Now you know how we feel,” Six said.

“Is everyone here?” The Master asked.

“Well, Two and Three aren’t here yet,” Four began.

“Here we are!” Two called. Everyone turned to see Two and Three covered from head to foot in mud.

“Had a rough landing?” Five snickered.

“Shut up,” Three grumbled.

Five continued to snicker as Four said, “We’re missing Eleven and Ten.”

“I’m here!” said Eleven as he came down a hill with twigs and leaves stuck in his hair. “With my personal stalker, Ten!”

Seconds after Eleven spoke Ten appeared and promptly chased Eleven down the hill. “Idiots,” Two muttered.

“And finally, Eight and Nine aren’t here yet,” Four finished.

“And here they are!” Five announced as Nine and Eight appeared from behind a barn nearby.

Nine ran to the group. “I hate that man,” he gasped.

When Eight caught up Six asked him, “What was that about?”

Eight shrugged. He rummaged in his pocket and took out an object. “You want a rock?” he asked and grinned.


“What’s the next round?” asked Two excitedly.

“The last round will held in the barn,” the Master announced as he led the Doctors to the barn.

As they reached the doors the Master held the door from the rest of the group. “Doctors first,” he smirked.

Six rolled his eyes and Five’s eyes narrowed. “Why are you being so polite to us?” Five asked.

“All will be explained in due time,” the Master said, still smiling. Five eyed him warily, but went inside the barn along with the other Doctors. As soon as all the Doctors filed in the barn the Master closed its doors with slam and locked them tightly, laughing evilly the whole time.


The Doctors shrieked as they were enclosed in darkness. “What the hell is going on?” asked Nine angrily.

“I knew it, I knew the Master would do something like this!” Five grumbled right before the indoor lights came on, which made the Doctors shriek again.

Suddenly an intercom came on and the Master’s voice seeped through. “You’re going to sleep over in the barn tonight,” he began.

“That’s easy,” said Eleven. Two squealed as a rat passed over his shoes. Eleven frowned in disgust. “Or not.”

“Instead of sleeping, however, you are racing to see who will stay up the longest. To make this a bit harder, I have a surprise waiting at the back of the barn. Good luck!” the Master said.

“What could the surprise possibly be?” Seven asked to no one in particular.

“Hey guys! There’s beer back here!” Four exclaimed while holding two beer bottles.

“Well we’re screwed,” said Six.

“I second that,” Nine said glumly.


“This night is going to be crazy isn’t it?” Six asked two hours later. Seven shrugged as he sipped his beer. “I just hope it’s better than the last party we had together,” Six added.

So far it wasn’t. Four was just starting his 14th beer, Five was naked, Two and Three were bickering, Ten was nursing his hangover and Eight was nowhere to be seen.

“I don’t think anything could be worse than the last party. I mean, I wasn’t conscious for half of it!” said Seven.

The two of them were silent for a few seconds before Seven asked, “Is there food around here? I’m hungry.”

“I have some in my pocket,” Six fished in his pocket for a moment and took out a slice of cake. “Want some?” he asked. Seven looked on in disgust as Six pulled out two forks.

Six frowned at the expression on Seven’s face. “This is the only food you’re getting for the night. So are you hungry or not?”

Seven sighed and took a bite of cake. “Wow, this is actually good,” he said surprised and Six smiled.

Suddenly Eight appeared beside them with a glass of...something. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

“Where have you been?” Six demanded.

“Oh, I was just looking around for a glass of water.”

“Did you find any?” Seven asked.

“Nope, but I found this,” Eight motioned to his glass. “It’s pee. Do you think Four would drink it?”

“You’re crazy!” Seven yelled.

Six said, “I do!”

Eight looked at Seven and Seven sighed. “I bet he would,” he said finally.

“Good. Bet twenty pounds on it?” Eight asked. When both Seven and Six nodded he grinned. “Excellent!”

As Eight sauntered off Seven mumbled, “This is going to be awful.”

“I know!” Six smiled. “I can’t wait!”


Meanwhile, Eleven was creeping up on Ten, who was sleeping, with a blow horn in his hand and an evil smile on his face. Eleven lowered the horn near Ten’s ear and “BLAMM!!!”

Instantly Ten pushed Eleven off him and growled, “What the hell was that for?”

“That was payback,” Eleven said coolly.

“That hurt!” Ten retorted, rubbing his ears.

“Should have thought about that before drooling all over my coat, huh?”

“You’re going stay with all night aren’t you?” Ten said in resignation.

Eleven smiled. “Yep, me and my little blow horn here will talk to you all night, right through your hangover! Wouldn’t that be great?”

When Ten groaned Eleven grinned in satisfaction. Yep, revenge was sweet.

Back to index

Chapter 8: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 8 or ‘The Really Long Night’

Author's Notes: Hello readers! I think this is possibly the longest chapter I have ever written so I hope you have enjoyed it. I hope to finish this story by Christmas so expect less time between updates. Also I want to ask you guys something. Do you want another sequel? Birthday in Paradise, maybe?

Four was chugging down his 15th bottle of beer when Eight walked up to him. “Hey, Four,” Eight said, obviously trying not to laugh.

“Go away, I’m trying to break a record here,” Four said but when he looked at the glass in Eight’s hand, he asked, “Is that for me?”

“Yep.” Eight snickered, giving the glass to Four while trying to contain his mirth.

Four raised an eyebrow but took a sip from the glass. Eight’s chuckles became even louder, if possible. “Well, how was it?” Eight asked, barely containing his excitement.

Four licked his lips. “It was nice, I guess.”

Eight frowned slightly. “But Four,” he said, still snickering, “that glass was full of pee.”

Four frowned. “So?”

Eight gaped at him, all traces of chuckling gone. “Are you saying that you just drank a glass of pee and you’re okay with that?”

When Four nodded, Eight said, “Two and Three were right. You do have problems.”

“I do not have problems! Pee isn’t that bad! Try it!”

“Um, no,” Eight protested, but Four shoved the glass of pee into Eight’s mouth. As soon as some pee went into his month, Eight spat it out. “Eww, that was awful!”

“Good.” Four smirked. “Now you won’t be able to get the taste of pee out of your mouth.”

Eight looked at Four, horrified, as he wiped pee from his mouth. “You’re evil, you know,” he whispered, and Four grinned.

“Takes one to know one.”


Eight muttered curses as he walked back to Six and Seven, who were laughing their asses off.

“I can’t believe Four did that!” Seven exclaimed.

“And-and, “ Six said, laughing, “he made you drink pee!”

“I know, I know, I was there for that,” Eight said glumly.

Suddenly Seven stood up. “Hey, guys, I’m going over to Nine now.”

Six rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s typical.”

Seven raised his eyebrows. “And what does that mean?”

“Well, you and Nine seem to a bit uptight lately. Always being rational and reasonable when you should be enjoying the party!”

“I’m not always uptight!” Seven protested. “Remember in Vegas when I let you tie me up?”

“First of all, you made me tie you up,” Six corrected. “Second, you were really drunk when that happened. No one is ever uptight when they are drunk.”

“Well, I guess I must get drunk then, right?” Seven asked. “Hand me a few beers. Nine and I will be loosened up within the hour.”

After Eight handed Seven the beers and Seven went to Nine, Six said, “Well, that’s two men down.”

Eight raised an eyebrow. “You’re eliminating your own team members?”

“All’s fair in love and war,” Six said. “And anyways, they both need to loosen up. I was really starting to get worried about their partying abilities.”


At the other side of the barn, Three and Two were having an argument.

“You have to have the crust off the bread before eating it! Everyone knows that!” yelled Two.

“I think crust should be on the bread! It’s why they’re there, right?” said Three.

“Well, I think you’re stupid!” shouted Two back.

“You’re an idiot!” Three retorted.



“Hey, guys!” said Five as he walked up to them.

“Hey, Five, what’s going on- oh,” said Three in shock. Somehow Five had lost all of clothing and was standing naked before them.

“Where are your clothing?” Two asked, horrified.

Five shrugged nonchalantly. “Don’t know. Don’t care really.”

Three wrinkled his nose. “Aren’t you cold at all?”

Five shook his head. “Nope, not at all. Actually, now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m feeling a really pleasant draft down in my-”

“Don’t continue. Just don’t,” Two said, covering his eyes. He took a deep breath. “This conversation is just too gross. Talk to Ten and Eleven or something. Just don’t- ugh.”

“Okay!” Five said brightly and skipped over to Ten and Eleven.

After a few minutes of silence, Two asked, “Is he gone now?”

“Yep,’’ said Three, still horrified.

Two uncovered his eyes and gasped, “Oh, man, I can’t believe...I’m going to be mentally scarred for the rest of my lives.”

“I know,” Three groaned. “Pass me the mind bleach, won’t you?”


Elsewhere, Ten and Eleven were actually having a conversation.

“You know, bananas are great, but pears are the worse fruits by far,” Ten said.

Eleven nodded and said, “I wouldn’t know about that. Have you eaten an apple lately?”

Just then, Five ran up to them. “Hi!”

Eleven turned around and just said, “No, nope. This can not be happening.”

Ten just blinked. “Um, wow.”

“Why are you guys staring at me like that? Is that because I’m naked?” Five asked.

Ten just turned his head and muttered, “I can’t look at this anymore.”

Eleven rolled his eyes and answered Five’s question without looked at him directly. “Yep.”

“Aw, c’mon! Three and Two acted like this too! Why can’t you just talk to me?” Five wailed.

“Get some clothes on, and maybe we’ll tolerate you!” Eleven said.

“But I want to stay naked. There’s even a pleasant down in my-”

“Just stop talking,” Eleven interrupted. “And get some clothes on.”

Five started to protest, but Eleven whipped out his blow horn and started to honk it at him. “Get some clothes!”

“But-” Five started, but Eleven continue to honk at him. Soon after, Five got the message and ran away.

“That was really mean,” Ten said after a while.

“Did you want to see that sight for another second?” Eleven retorted. “Because it looked like you clearly couldn’t handle it.”

When Ten blushed, Eleven grinned. “This is one stupid party.”


“Go away, Seven,” Nine groaned from across the barn.

“No,” Seven said as he plopped down next to nine. “Want a beer?”

When Nine said no, Seven scowled. “C’mon, Nine! Don’t you want to have fun!”

“Well,” answered Nine, “I actually want to win this thing. And drinking is a one-way ticket to Loserville.”

“But it takes a detour through Partytown!” said Seven. “C’mon, Nine, drink a beer. They’re good for you!”

“No, they’re not,” Nine argued. “I’m not having a single bottle for the whole night.”

Seven snorted at that. “Yeah, right,” he laughed. “The whole point of this party is to get drunk!”

“So?” said Nine. “There still has to be a designated driver here right?”

“That’s the Master,” Seven scoffed. “But I bet you couldn’t last the whole night without alcohol.”

“I can and I will,” Nine said and Seven relented.

“Alright, alright, I’ll leave you alone.” Seven stood up and walked slowly backwards, waving a bottle in Nine’s face. “Alright, I’m leaving now, with this little bottle of beer with me, and you’ll never taste it until dawn. All those long hours of just sitting there, all lonely and so, so thirsty...”

“Alright, alright, I’ll have one!” Nine shouted.

Seven grinned. “That’s what I thought.” He handed a beer to Nine and chuckled, “Both of us won’t be able to last all night now.”

Nine smiled. “Well, at least I can say it was your fault.”


“I can’t believe we found this bottle of wine!” Eight exclaimed a while later.

“No, I found the wine,” Six corrected. “In the trashcan. I guess Four doesn’t like wine, does he?”

“Well, I do,” Eight said. “So that means I’m getting wasted tonight.” Six pulled the cork off the wine bottle with his teeth and spat the cork in Eight’s face. “Hey!”

Six laughed until Three and Two ran over to them. Three grabbed the wine bottle and drank straight from the bottle. As soon as he was finished, Two grabbed the bottle from him and did the same thing.

“I take it you’ve seen Five?” Six said casually, smirking a little.

Two nodded as he put down the wine. “Who hasn’t?”

“We haven’t,” Eight piped up. “Well, not up close.”

“You don’t want to,” Three said and then he groaned. “I can’t believe I just saw that.”

“Me neither,” agreed Two.

“Well, that’s one thing you two can agree on,” said Six. “That you both do not want to see Five naked ever again.”

As Three nodded, Two turned around and shrieked. “He’s coming!”

“What?” Three exclaimed. Two and Three hastily got up and started to run away, taking the bottle with them.

“Hey, they took my wine!” Six protested.

“Does that even matter?” Eight asked. “Now get under the table.”

Eight and Six shoved themselves under the table and watched Five’s feet as he walked up to the table.

“Six? Eight? Where are you?” Five asked. When he got no response, he muttered, “I must have missed them. Ah, well, I’ll just go to Four then.”

Eight waited for Five to leave before sighing in relief. when he heard crunching sounds and turned to see Six eating a bag of chips. “Really?” he asked.

“What?” Six asked, crumbs falling off his chin. “I get hungry when stressed.”


“I’m bored!” Eight whined three hours later.

“Shut up,” Six grumbled.

“You’re just grouchy that I finished your bag of chips,” Eight said. “And anyway, it doesn’t look like you needed the extra carbs,” he added while patting Six’s belly.

“Hey!” Six exclaimed.

Before they could argue further, Nine stood up and said, “You know what, guys? I think we should have a pillow fight!”

As the rest of Doctors murmured their agreement, Six said, “Well, this I got to see.”

Back to index

Chapter 9: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 9 or ‘The Great Pillow Fight’

Author's Notes: Hello readers! As always please review! Three chapters left so expect updates soon! Bye!

“Where do we get the pillows?” asked Eight minutes later. When the other Doctors pulled pillows from their pockets he said incredulously, “You all keep pillows in your pockets?”

Six looked at him weirdly. “You don’t?” When Eight shook his head, Six sighed and gave Eight one of his own. “You really need to get into the loop,” Six warned as he stood to join the other Doctors at the center of the barn.

“Alright, the rules are simple,” Three said when Eight joined the group. “There are no rules!”

After the Doctors’ cheers died down Three yelled, “Let the pillow fight commence!” As soon as he spoke feathers flew as Six hit Three in the head with his pillow. Three fell to the ground, unconscious.

“He’s on you team!” Eight exclaimed.

“So?” Six said. “Everyone’s solo in a pillow fight.”

“But he won’t be able to wake up before dawn! I think that was a stupid move you did there, Six!”

“You’re stupid!” was Six’s lame retort. “I would say another insult but you probably wouldn’t remember it in the morning,” he added.

“You bastard!” Eight cried. “Take that back right now!” he shouted as he chased a laughing Six around the room.


Meanwhile, Ten and Eleven were having an argument.

“I have a better fashion sense than you!” Ten yelled.

“You do not!” Eleven argued.

“I wear suits and ties everyday!” Ten said.

“So?” Eleven asked. “I wear a bow tie. And bow ties are cool so there!”

Ten scoffed. “Bow ties aren’t cool.”

Eleven gasped. “How dare you insult the bow tie!” He glared at Ten. “You... will... pay!”

Ten had no time to run before Eleven’s pillow began its onslaught on his face. “!” Eleven commanded.

“I..will...not!” Ten protested between pillow slaps. “The fashion crime worse than your bow tie is the multicolor dread coat Six wears!”

Eleven stopped his onslaught on Ten to ask, “You think my bow tie is worse than Seven’s question mark vest? Really?”

Ten nodded. “At least Seven admits it’s bad.”

Eleven scowled. “Bastard!”

Before Eleven delivered the final blow that would have knocked Ten unconscious, Six ran between them and accidentally whacked Eleven in the face. Eleven then fell, unconscious.

Ten barely had time to stand up and cheer, “I’m free! I’m free!” before Eight ran by him and knocked him unconscious.

Eight turned around. “Aw man, not again! First Seven and Nine and then this? Six!” When Six passed by him Eight grabbed his sleeve to stop him. “We really need to stop hitting people in the face when we run.”

“Why?” Six asked. “We’re winning aren’t we?”

Eight looked around the barn. The room was littered with unconscious Doctors. “It looks everyone is down except Two and Four.”

“And here we are!” Eight and Six turned around to see Four and Two with their pillows and...

“Blanket swords?” Eight said excitedly. “I need to get one of those!”

Six stared at Eight. “Do you have anything in your pockets?” he asked while pulling out a blanket sword of his own.

“Why do you have blankets swords in your pockets?” asked Eight incredulously. “Are you having pillow fights behind my back?”

“You know what, fight Four over there,” Six said, pushing Eight away. “I’ll take down Two here.”
Eight went into a stance to attack, and was surprised when Four held up his hands.

“I can’t do this anymore. I surrender!” Four said. Eight watched dumbfounded as Four dropped his pillow and sword and walked away. Eight swore he heard Four mutter, “I’m too drunk for this.”


By the time Eight went back to Two and Six Two was unconscious and covered in feathers. “What did you do to him?” Eight asked.

“Who cares? It’s just the two of us now. And it’s ten minutes until sunrise.”

“Whoever wins the fight will win the challenge,” Eight said. “Let’s do this!”

It was obvious that Six had the advantage so Eight did the only thing he could do when Six charged at him: kick Six in the nuts.

“Sorry,” Eight said when Six fell on his knees in pain.

“Why did you do that for?” Six groaned in pain.

“The odds were against me?” Eight tried.

“That doesn’t mean you had to kick my privates!” Six said. “Well, at least I know you can fight. That was a hard kick.”

“Thanks!” Eight said. “Can you still fight?”

“Do I look like I can even walk?” Six asked. “I’ll need an ice pack for two hours. It’ll be best to finish me now.”

“You sure?” Eight asked, holding up his pillow hesitantly.

“Just do it,” Six muttered.

Eight let his pillow go and it dropped on Six’s face. “I win,” Eight said without enthusiasm.

“Yay,” Six said dully.

Just then the barn door opened and the Master peeked in. “Two winners I see,” he said.

“Nope, just one. Eight’s the winner,” Six said casually as he crawled away. “I can’t even stand!” he said in despair.

The Master looked the barn full of feathers, broken beer bottles and unconscious Doctors and asked Eight, “What the hell happened here?”

Eight shrugged. “What can I say? We’re all party animals here!”

Back to index

Chapter 10: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 10 or ‘The Doctors’ Revenge’

Author's Notes: Fifteens reviews so far! That beats Birthday in Vegas! Thank you for reviewing so far, and I hope you keep on reviewing. Here is the chapter!

A few hours later, the Doctors were gathered outside the farm waiting for the last challenge. “I think,” Ten said to Seven, “that last night could’ve gone better. Right Eleven?”

Eleven just grunted, and Ten groaned in response. “C’mon, Eleven! Are you really giving me the silent treatment?”

Eleven rolled his eyes and whispered into Seven’s ear. Seven listened and turned to Ten. “Eleven said that he won’t talk to you unless you say that bowties are cool.”

“Really? They mean that much to you?” Ten sighed and muttered quickly, “Bowties are cool.”

Eleven whispered in Seven’s ear again. “Eleven said to say that louder,” Seven announced. Eleven whispered something else in his ear. “And with feeling,” Seven added.

“No!” Ten exclaimed. “I’ll do anything else, just not that!”

Seven listened to Eleven and said finally, “Eleven said that you have to say that bowties are cool, end of story.”

Ten rolled his eyes. “The people I hang out with.”

Seven said, “Eleven said, ‘It’s not my fault you’re unreasonable.’”

Ten stuck out his tongue in defiance and after Eleven whispered to him, Seven stuck out his tongue back.


Meanwhile, Three was busy plucking feathers out of his hair. “You really throw your pillows hard, Six,” he grumbled.

“Yeah, yeah,” Six grumbled, still recovering from his encounter with Eight’s foot.

Two raised an eyebrow and grinned. “That really hurt, didn’t it?”

“Of course it did! Eight hit me in the groin! Do you know how much that hurts?”

“No, but I can’t wait to find out,” Two said sarcastically.

“You really had it bad last night,” Three commented.

“I had it worse,” Five said from where he lay on the ground.

“You were really hammered last night,” Two said.

“That’s an understatement,” Four said. “You were more drunk than me, and I was really drunk.”

Five groaned. “I know, and now I’m going to pay for it.”

“We’re all going to pay for last night,” Six stated. “I got kicked in the groin, Eight drank pee, Four was more drunk than usual, Three and Two saw a sight they couldn’t unsee...”

“Hey!” Five shouted, offended. Everyone ignored him.

“Nine and Seven just had to be there...” Six continued.

“Amen to that!” Nine said.

“Eleven had to suffer from an insult about his bowtie...” Six said.

Eleven cheered. “Exactly! At least someone else agrees with me!” he said, and Ten rolled his eyes.

“And Ten had to suffer the backlash from his insult,” Six finished.

Ten grinned. “See? This whole thing is stupid!” Eleven just grumbled and turned away from him.

“Where’s the Master? I want to get this party over with already,” Nine asked.

“About that...” Everyone turned to see the Master appear beside them. “There is no final challenge."

“What?” all the Doctors said in unison.

The Master shrugged. “I thought you all would be dead by now so I didn’t bother.”

“So what do we do now?” Five asked. “We are tied two for two.”

“That’s your problem, not mine.”

“It should be your problem!” Three said, outraged. “We had a paintball fight and a drinking competition, jumped off a plane without parachutes, and stayed up all night without a proper restroom for nothing?”

The Master thought for a moment, then said, “Yep.”

By this time the Doctors were muttering angrily to each other. “I can’t believe I actually wanted to win this thing!” Nine said, horrified.

When the murmurs became shouts, Six spoke up and said, “There’s only one thing we can do about this.” The Doctors grinned at each other, knowing what was next, and the Master paled.

Six pointed at the Master and shouted at the top of his lungs: “GET HIM!!!!”


The Master ran exactly a meter before Two tackled him face first into a puddle of mud. “Alright, alright, you got me,” the Master grumbled. When he looked up, his eyes widened. All of the Doctors were grinning down at him, pillows in their hands.

“Attack!” Eleven yelled, and the pillows rained down on the Master.

“Noo!” the Master yelled, and soon he was unconscious.

The Doctors laughed over the sight of the Master covered in mud and feathers. “Oh, this is definitely going in the photo album,” Seven said as he whipped out a camera and took pictures.

“Hey, guys, this is funny and all,” Nine said eventually. “But how are we going to determine the winning team?”

The Doctors were silent for a few moments before Ten suggested, “A lightsaber duel!”

Three grimaced. “Really? Star Wars? I thought we were Trekkies.”

“I thought we were Whovians,” Seven said. When everyone stared at him in confusion he sighed. “Nevermind.”

“I have an idea,” Eleven announced.

“Please don’t let it be stupid, please don’t let it be stupid,” Ten muttered under his breath.

“I think we should have a water balloon fight,” Eleven sighed.

“Really? Another fight? Have we had enough of those already?” Three said.

Two rolled his eyes. “You’re just saying that because you’re too tall and you’ll get hit easier.”

“Well, you’re short,” Three retorted lamely.

“And this time it seems like that will be to my advantage,” Two smirked.

“So it’s on?” Eleven asked.

Two and Three glanced at each other, grinned and said in unison, “It’s so on!”

Back to index

Chapter 11: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 11 or ‘The Battle of the Ages’

Author's Notes: Thank you for reviewing and keep on doing it. One chapter left til the end! That’s why I want to ask you: who do you think is going to win? Trust me, this could go any way!

“1...2...3...GO!” Eleven yelled and chaos ensued as water balloons flew through the air.

Eight was immediately attacked from all sides, since he didn’t have a balloon. “I knew this was going to happen,” he muttered as he went out of the war zone, leaving puddles of water behind. “You can only win one fight around here.”

Meanwhile, Three was about to throw a balloon at Nine, but slipped in one of Eight’s puddles. “Eight!” Three cursed as Nine threw a balloon straight at his face.

Five suddenly came from behind and dumped a balloon down Nine’s jacket, then ran away. “Hey!” Nine yelled angrily at Five’s receding form. “I just got this jacket dry cleaned!”

Ten had decided to hide in a bush and chose this time to attack Five, and while he did a quiet cheer Six threw a balloon at him. Grumbling, Ten trudged over to Eight. “Got you too, huh?” Eight smiled.

“They always do,” Ten said, sitting down next Eight.

They were silent for a few seconds, watching the battle unfold, before Eight asked, “Do you want to play chess?”
“Sure!” Ten said and rummaged in his pockets before producing some wet chess pieces. “Sorry they’re wet,” Ten apologized.

“It’s okay,” Eight reassured him. “I have a blow dryer we can use to dry them up a bit.”

Ten stared at Eight. “Wait you carry a blow dryer around but not a pillow? What kind of Doctor are you?”


Out on the field, Four aimed a balloon at Two but missed because Two ducked out of the way in the nick of time.

Two then tried to hit Eleven but accidently hit Six. Six marched over to Ten and Eight, looked at their chess board and announced, “I’m playing the winner.”


As Seven hit Four Eleven tried to take out Two, but kept on missing since Two started to hide behind bushes.

Four arrived where the chess playing Doctors were and sat down. He took out his phone and started typing on it.

“What are you doing?” Six asked.

“Updating Twitter,” Four responded. “I’m posting the results of our fight as it happens. People are betting on this you know.”

As Four finished typing Eight’s phone vibrated. He turned it on and sighed. “I can’t believe Four’s out,” he said. “I just lost 20 pounds!”

“You follow yourself on Twitter?” Six asked incredulously.

“Yeah, so?” Eight said.

“Who the hell follows themselves on Twitter?” Ten asked.

“Sometimes it’s interesting to see your life summed up in 140 characters or less, okay?” Eight said defensively.

Everyone just stared at him.


Back on the field, Seven tried to sneak up to Eleven but Eleven noticed and threw a balloon at him. Seven threw himself on the ground, and the balloon whooshed by an inch above him. As Eleven turned his attention back to Two Seven snuck behind the bushes and crawled over to where Two was hiding.

“We need a plan,” gasped Seven as he ducked under a balloon.

“We could both be at opposite sides of Eleven and attack him at the same time,” Two suggested as he dived under the bushes from an incoming group of balloons.

“It’s better than nothing,” Seven said finally, and he scampered behind the bushes until he was across the field from Two. He aimed his balloons at Eleven and waited.

“Marshmallows!” Two yelled, which was the secret codeword both Two and Seven chose to begin their attack. Two and Seven threw balloons at Eleven and Eleven stepped back, and the balloons continued their journeys towards Two and Seven.

Two had the presence of mind to duck but unluckily Seven didn’t. Seven walked towards Six, Eight, Ten and Four in shame. “That was an epic fail,” he muttered.

When he noticed the chess board Seven pushed Ten out and sat in his place. “Well, I think it’s your move then.”

“You can’t just push Ten out like that!” Eight protested.

“Oh, you’re just saying that because you know I’ll beat you,” Seven said.

“I can beat you, I’m older than you!” Eight said, gearing up for a tough game of chess.

“No you can’t. Get ready to feel the wrath of The Chessmaster!” Seven paused for a second and then asked, “That seems like a better name than the Doctor, doesn’t it?”

Everyone nodded.


Eleven and Two glared each other, a water balloon their hands. “Whoever wins this wins the whole thing,” Eleven muttered.

“Yep,” Two said. “Let’s finish this.”

All the Doctors that sat on the grass were cheering for their team member.

“It’s all down to Two and Eleven..,” Five said excitedly.

“I can’t believe I’m spending my birthday doing this,” Nine muttered.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I genuinely believe Two can win this thing,” Three said to Four. “I bet my last twenty pounds on it.”

“Two! Whip Eleven’s ass!” Six yelled.


Two and Eleven stared at each other, trying to see who would move first. Finally they both threw their balloons at the same time.

The rest of the Doctors leaned forward, anxious to see who would emerge victorious.

The balloons rocketed towards their intended targets, each balloon the same speed as the other...

Eleven and Two started to sweat, both not knowing whose balloons were faster....

Three gulped, since his last twenty pounds were on the line...

Eight coughed nervously, because Seven was so gonna beat him at chess later...

Two and Eleven geared to dive out of the way at any second...

And yet the balloons grew ever closer to their targets...

Who will win? Who will lose? Who will win that chess game Eight is so worried about? Is Three going to lose his last twenty pounds? How long can two balloons stay in the air before it seems like too long? The answers to all of these questions and more are in Birthday In(sanity)’s epic conclusion! Stay tuned!

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Chapter 12: Birthday In(sanity) Pt. 12 or ‘Epilogue: Many Goodbyes’

Author's Notes: A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! Before you read this epic conclusion of a fabulous story, I want you guys to know that there is a sequel to this story sometime in the new year. More details will be given in this series’ Christmas Special, Christmas in the TARDIS, which I will upload (obviously) on Christmas Day. I hope you read the story, and I hope you enjoy the epilogue of Birthday In(sanity)!

The balloons were a second away from their targets...

Two and Eleven both tensed and were about to spring away when suddenly, pie appeared out of nowhere and hit Two straight in the face.

Eleven jumped out of the way from his balloon but Two wasn’t as lucky. He wiped pie from his eyes and yelled, “What the hell?”

“I was going to say I was sorry, but I’m not,” Nine said a bit smugly. “This showdown was going on for too long and besides, our team deserved to win.”

“Who says?” protested Two.

“It doesn’t matter,” Six said. “It’s not like there was a prize for this thing. And we all had some fun, right?”

“Yeah, we did,” Four said. “We should do this again!” There was a chorus of agreement

Nine groaned. “Why do I come to these parties?”

“You don’t have to come,” Five said.

“I know, but I bet I’ll get tricked into going anyway,” Nine sighed.

While Nine was talking, Three grudgingly gave Four his last twenty pounds. “Well, now I’m bankrupt. Maybe I should stop betting on people,” Three muttered as Four cheered.

“No, you just need to stop betting on Two,” Four said.

Two, who was nearby, yelled, “Hey, I heard that!”

“Where are our TARDISes?” asked Eight suddenly.

The Doctors thought for a moment, and they all said, “No idea.”

“Let’s ask the Master,” Eleven suggested. “He should know where the TARDISes are.”

They all walked over to where the Master was lying unconscious in mud, and Two poked him the chest. When that didn’t wake him up, Six shook the Master until he opened his eyes.

“What?” the Master asked grumpily.

“Where are the TARDISes?” Ten asked.

The Master raised his hand and waved it vaguely to the west. “They are probably over there.”

“Thanks, Master,” Eleven said, and the Doctors went in that direction, leaving the Master to plop back in the puddle of mud.

“Should we just leave him there?” Five asked.

Four shrugged. “We’ll get him later.”

The Doctors arrived to where the TARDISes were. “Well, this is where we’ll part ways,” Six said, a bit sadly. “I’m going first!”

“You’re going so soon?” Five asked.

“Yep, I’ve had enough of you all to last years,” Six said while walking to his TARDIS. “I’ll see you at our next birthday party.”

“Wait!” Five called out just as Six was about to close the door. “Don’t forget to come to our Christmas party!”

Six paused and asked, “Christmas party?”

“There’s going to be a Christmas party in Ten’s TARDIS,” Seven clarified.

“There is?” Ten said, who was not informed of the party.

“You knew about the party, right?” Seven asked curiously.

When Ten shook his head, Nine said reassuringly, “Don’t worry about it. It’s just another excuse to get drunk.”

“No, it’s not!” Five protested as Six’s TARDIS dematerialized. “I’m organizing the party this time, and there will be absolutely no alcohol.”

“Yeah, but we all know Four is going to sneak some in anyway,” Nine muttered under his breath.

“Well, I gotta go,” Seven said. He high fived Eight. “Great job in the pillow fight. Didn’t know you had it in ya.” As he walked to the TARDIS, he added, “By the way, for the party I’m bringing the Christmas cookies!”

Seven’s TARDIS dematerialized, and Eight said, “This party has been a blast and all, but I’m leaving.”

“So am I,” Nine said. “I can’t wait to be back with sane people!”

“Hey!” yelled the rest of the Doctors, offended, and Nine’s laughter could be heard over his and Eight’s TARDISes dematerializing.

“Anyway,” Two said as he turned Three and offered to shake his hand. “Until next time?”

Three stared at Two’s hand and shook his head. “Nope, sorry,” he said as he went to his TARDIS.

“Aw, come on!” Two yelled, following Three. “For old times’ sake?”

“Nope, you made me bankrupt!” Three said, opening the door to his TARDIS. “Now I’ll have to work at UNIT for two more months to make up what I bet on you!”

“But you promised!” Two said.

“Promises are meant to be broken,” Three said as he shut the door and seconds later, his TARDIS dematerialized.

Five opened his mouth to speak to Two, but Two interrupted and said, “Save it for the Christmas party.”

When Two’s TARDIS departed, Five commented, “Well, that was rude.”

“Don’t you know that all Doctors are rude?” Ten said.

“Speaking of rude Doctors,” Five said, “you should apologize to Eleven for that comment you made.”

Ten rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for telling the truth.”

“Yeah, whatever. Well, I got to organize the Christmas party. There has to be decorations, food, good music...”

“Um, Five?” Ten asked. “Since the party is being hosted in my TARDIS, should I be the one organizing the party?”

Five glared at him. “No.” Five then walked into the TARDIS and dematerialized.

Ten sighed and turned to Eleven. “Well, I guess I should apologize to you now.”

Eleven crossed his arms across his chest. “Yeah, you should.”

Ten took a deep breath and said, “Sorry.”

“Is that all you have to say?” Eleven asked after a moment.

When Ten nodded, Eleven said, “Well, I’m sorry I didn’t say that your glasses were dumb to your face.”

“What?” Ten yelled, and Eleven ran laughing to his TARDIS. As soon as Eleven’s TARDIS disappeared, Ten ran into his TARDIS, presumably to follow him.

When Ten’s TARDIS dematerialized, Four looked around the now empty field for the last time. “Well, it looks like I should go get that alcohol for the Christmas party now.”

As he walked into his TARDIS, Four wondered idly, “I feel as though I’ve forgotten something...”


The Master stood up as Four’s TARDIS dematerialized. “What did I miss?” he asked groggily. When he noticed that all of the Doctors have departed, he groaned.

“I can’t believe they just left me here!” the Master exclaimed. He paused. “Oh,,wait, I can. Well I guess I’ll go back to my TARDIS now,” the Master said. He looked down at his clothes, which were stained with feathers and mud. “...and get some new clothes.”

As he walked towards his TARDIS, the Master muttered one thing: “I hope I’ll never do this again.”


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