Customer Satisfaction by Alexannah

Summary: “Well I’m afraid I don’t deliver pizza," the Doctor said, "so might I suggest you hang up and try again?”
Rating: All Ages
Categories: Tenth Doctor
Characters: Donna Noble, The Doctor (10th)
Genres: Humor, Missing Scene
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: Halted verse
Published: 2012.06.24
Updated: 2012.06.24

Customer Satisfaction by Alexannah
Chapter 1: Customer Satisfaction
Author's Notes:

“Spaceman, phone call for you!”

“If it’s the gas board, tell them I am NOT interested!” The Doctor entered the console room. “Well, you could have answered it!”

“It’s your phone,” Donna said, moving out the way. “And you get calls from the gas board?”[1]

“Don’t ask,” he muttered, picking up the phone. “Hello?”

“What, is there some sort of outer space gas supplier? Does the TARDIS even use–”

“Donna, shut up! I’m sorry, who?” The Doctor’s eyes widened, and he spontaneously pressed the speaker button. “Sorry, could you say that again?”

“I said I’d like to order two medium Hawaiians, a large pepperoni, two bottles of Diet Coke and a tub of chocolate ice-cream, for delivery to 69 Green Lane.”

“Well, that’s very nice, madam,” the Doctor said as Donna stifled a laugh. “But I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong number.”

“I have not,” the woman on the end insisted. “I dialled it perfectly right.”

“Well I’m afraid I don’t deliver pizza, so might I suggest you hang up and try again?” the Doctor said perfectly politely.

“I do not have the wrong number! I want to speak to the manager!”

“I am the manager, well, for all intents and purposes, and you definitely have the wrong number.”

“Oh, give it here,” Donna said as the woman protested. She grabbed the phone from the Doctor. “Look, lady, this isn’t a pizza place, it’s a spaceship. Now if you need help with an alien invasion, you’ve got the right number, but pizza ain’t his thing.”

“Oh don’t be so ridiculous! Spaceships? You need your head looking at, my girl.”

“Yeah, that’s me, completely out my mind. So rather than arguing with us, might I suggest you hang up, get off your backside and walk to the pizza place yourself, it’d be a lot quicker and you’d save on the phone bill.”

“Donna! There’s no need to be–”

“... so rude!” the woman gasped. “What kind of service do you call this?”

“We’re not a blooming service,” Donna replied, “that’s sort of the point.”

“Well I’ll be writing to your Head Office about you. Both of you. You’re insane.”

Donna looked up at the Doctor, who shrugged. “Sure, go ahead,” she said. “Your own time you’ll be wasting.”


It was taking every bit of effort to keep the grins from turning into giggles. “I guess that’s settled, then,” the Doctor said. “Bye.”

Just before he put the phone down, Donna said in the most innocent tone she could muster, “Enjoy your pizza!”

The End

[1]See ‘Customer Service’

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