A literature professor once told me that reading such steamy literature (such as Dante describes having damned the lovers) would be the equivalent of sitting down with a "friend" and watching the film "9 1/2 weeks". It's inviting trouble -- if not definitely seeking it out.
I didn't realize reading some of your other stories that you are French! I suspected that your first language might be a romance language, rather than English, based on some of your syntax choices. You write well, and I love your ideas.
A literature professor once told me that reading such steamy literature (such as Dante describes having damned the lovers) would be the equivalent of sitting down with a "friend" and watching the film "9 1/2 weeks". It's inviting trouble -- if not definitely seeking it out.
I didn't realize reading some of your other stories that you are French! I suspected that your first language might be a romance language, rather than English, based on some of your syntax choices. You write well, and I love your ideas.
Lovely ending! I'm glad it all worked out for them, and that Amy conveniently eloped with Rory, haha.
I think you've done a great job for a new English writer. It's hard to figure out what things don't translate perfectly. You could always ask someone to beta read for you on your next project to help with tweaking those things and getting the syntax just right. I saw you've cross-posted this on AO3 as well, and if you wanted, you could also post your original there, as AO3 is multi-lingual. : )
Author's Response: Very convenient indeed: I wanted my heroes to be free to be together, but I didn't want it to end into a hecatomb. :) Moreover I imagine very well Amy doing just that.
Thank you so much for your compliment, it means the world to me. I confess that at times I had a hard time trying to figure out the right turn of phrase or the right word without betraying too much the original writing. I noticed, in fact, that AO3 is multilingual, but since I am totally reckless... I'm very grateful to you all for reading and supporting me to the end. Thank you!
To start, it was an excellent read! It is quite rare to see someone with a good understanding of the medieval troubadours (and believe me, I was thrilled when you used the actual term from ancien français) -- I hadn't expected that at all. Brava !
Some constructive criticism and correction of mistakes:
I think you went too fast. By the time I read through the last two chapters, it was done, without time for the reader to sit with it and burn with Ten/John and his desire -- really, that's partly what courtly love does.
English idioms:
In chapter one, you tried to say that Rose "was about to finish her education," but you used "perfected." I think your French original must have been something like "se perfectionner en..." or "maîtriser..." (?) In English, this would translate as "mastery," but it's not used all that often. "Complete/finish one's education," especially for the Medieval/Early Modern periods would be used here.
"Penser à/réfléchir à" = think about; reflect on.
There were a few other minor things, but those were the expressions that jumped out at me. It's difficult to write in another language and you've done admirably! Please do write another for us!
Author's Response: Thak-you so very much for your lovely review and your very constructive criticism and correction of my mistakes. I aspire to learn English better, so every single correction is more than welcome!
I'm utterly in love with medieval (and Baroque) literature. This was my great challenge: as I studied Italian literature, I wasn't sure about the actual term in English. So I appreciate greatly your compliment.
You're absolutely right! I "jumped the gun" a bit, but I must admit that I'm speed in everuthing.
Busted! Indeed in my original version I wrote "Dans le couvent tout proche où Rose perfectionnait son éducation..."
Alas prepositions are my "Pet Peeves".
Votre fic "The mirror and the other" est sur ma liste d'attente dès la publication du premier chapitre. Il me tardait d'en commencer la lecture. Maintenant je peux!
Thanks again for your review!
Author's Response: Quand je disais que je suis speed... (en plus que très distraite): "Votre fic est sur ma liste d'attente DEPUIS..."
Ce n'est pas bon de penser à 10.000 choses à la fois!
Silly Rose and John. Of course that won't actually talk to each other to find out that they do both love each other!
I'm impressed to know that you're writing this in your primary language and translating it. That's hard work, and you're doing a lovely job. : )
Author's Response: Thank-you!
Haha of course not :) But it's so them...
Well... if I make my lovely duo suffer —to earn, finally, the right to be happy, it's only to obey the rules of courtly love:
"The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized."
And not because I'm a bit sadistic (am I?) :)
Thank-you so much for your compliment, I'm really moved. Yes it's hard work (I do love languages: English has always fascinated me and has a special place in my heart) but so worth it! I love to speak, to communicate, with people —even though I'm shy— so it's important to me to try to speak other people's language.
Great start! I'm excited to read more!
Author's Response: Oooh Thank-you! I can't express how much it means for me that you have appreciated my start.
Your fantastic fics have accompained me, pratically daily, for so very long and you are one of the authors I always come back to.
Really enjoyed this beginning! Poor Rose is going to be disappointed when she reaches her destination.
Author's Response: Thank-you so very much. I'm really happy that you've enjoyed my first chapter. My story is already written (and translated), so it shouldn't be a long wait for the others three chapters.
Actually... yes, she'll be disappointed...a lot! But, her (true) husband's passion for battlefields, might reveal itself somewhat "handy".
I do love your fantastic site, which is among my favourites.
Oooooooo, I love this already!
Author's Response: Thank-you! I'm SO honoured!
I've been —greedily— reading all of you for more than a year before having the nerve to "come out the wood" and leave a review or a kudos: I'm terribly shy.
Alas, for some of you, it was too late, so I promised myself that I'd never ever leave things unsaid...
So, even if too late, I wanted to thank you for everything you've done for this fandom.