Oh my lord this was gorgeous from start to finish. Just... /everything/. Concept I've never really read before... just brilliant, I devoured it. This line... "This is how humans have sex. Blindly. Scrambling for their own satisfaction without knowing what their partner needs.One shot in the entire universe to make love to Rose Tyler and I'm not even going to come. He nearly laughed, but the thought was so depressing he couldn't." WOW. For some reason that just echoed in my mind as I went through to the end and even for a while after. It's just so REAL because he feels so alien and sentimental and hopeless for her and just... hot damn. And this bit... "It felt like he was cataloguing her, taking in every angle of her body, every texture. She'd never felt so thoroughly admired before." Hot damn I died. He's just so... reverent, almost worshiping. It's so bloody perfect for where he was at, so desperate for her after everything. Beautiful. And then... "For an hour he watched her, closely, timing the wait between breaths and laying his palm flat on her back to feel the beat of her heart, made faint as it passed through skin and bone and muscle. She was amazing; perfect in the way only humans could be with their flaws and endless compassion and the brightness of their lives, fierce and fleeting. He counted the moles and freckles on her skin, naming them after planets they'd visited and stars that had shone down on them." I knew right then. I knew what you were gonna do. I was already crying. Helplessly. "“Doctor” - a backwards ripple, he'd surmised, like his clone's heartbeat ringing in Donna's ears. He was complicated, more than complicated, and so dreadfully important to Rose Tyler's future that his assumed name might always have been there, ready, on the tip of her tongue." MY HEART THOUGH. MY. HEART. "He lowered his mouth to her right ear, the soft threads of her golden hair tickling at his lips. In a hushed, confessional whisper he said three words, then her name, telling her in them what she'd deserved to hear for so long, but he'd been unable — unwilling — to say." !!!1!!!!!WHyYYYYY at the very end. God you've left me a mess at the end. This was so exquisitely written, with just gorgeous imagery and symbolism... I so so thoroughly enjoyed this, heart-crushing angst and all. It was all executed so accurately and wonderfully, Rose's rocky background but innate strength that pulled her though, even though the youth and inexperience also shine through... the Doctor's bliss at having her juxtaposed with the pain and desperation that comes with this final meeting. JEsus. I'm gonna stop now or I will ramble on forever. I loved this so much.
Just finished devouring this. It hurt to read even as I raced thru eat chapter. Sniffle. Loved it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much :)!
As Dev said... WOW. Here on her reccomendation, and by God I'm glad I came. How the hell have I not found your work before now??
Frankly, this is one of the very best post-JE fics I have read. I had to read the whole thing in one go, it grabbed me from the first paragraph. Beautifully written, I could see and feel the characters and the angst...and the love. This makes me happy.
I have added both this fic and you to my faves.
Right, off to read some more :)
Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! This fic is one of my personal favourites of those I\'ve written, if only because it was the first long-form fic I\'d written in like, ten years, but also because I\'m a bit obsessed with Post-JE Ten and this story just sort of poured out of me in a matter of days. I\'m glad you enjoyed it and thank you for revewing :D!!!
Wow again!
A wonderful mix and angst, and smut, and everything else you'd expect from a meeting like this at this stage in Ten's life.
As brilliantly written as the others I read earlier too :)
I will definitely be suggesting to my friends over at livejournal that they check out your fic, if they haven't already done so.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! It\'s been very exciting to see all the reviews you\'ve left me today, haha! Post-JE Ten is one of my favourites, both to read/watch and to write because he is so clearly hanging by a thread. I really need to write more from this time period since I love it so much!
So, I *did* reread this yesterday. And I may do it again later. When stories stick with me, I have to read them a few times. :) Due to the fact that you wrote back to my reviews so far and were so nice about it (and as I recently have started writing a story and now have a keener appreciation for what it might be like to get a nice review), I jotted down my thoughts as I reread:
Is his smile so amazing that it can't be hidden behind those psychic fuzzing attempts?
I love the TARDIS in this. Like, "You'd better hang out with her and make love to her all night long or else she'll definitely die, in one of these ways, also, I'm out of power till morning." Saucy TARDIS, indeed.
I love your Rose voice. All the "mate's" of her being just a bit harder than she was by the time she met Nine when Henrik's had given her all those 'airs and graces.'
I should have mentioned last time that the timelines stuff is really original and interesting and, oh, also sexy.
Little touches that I enjoyed:
-Wanting to examine her hair for signs of malnutrition. I get the sense that the Doctor's probably doing all kinds of medical assessments on his companions once they're traveling with him and that it'd be hard to resist the urge.
-His mild discomfiture at a salt shaker in the shape of a Dalek was cute.
-Rose doesn't have much to bring out of Jimmy's cause they've been selling their stuff on eBay.
-I googled Billie Piper's smile to check out her incisors. Results inconclusive.
-What was he whispering at her belly? He must have been doing more than just measuring her torso.
Things that will particularly dawn on Rose upon realization of his identity post-JE:
-'You wouldn't have found me if you'd gone home with your friends!' .. Awww.
-Curing her bruises for her - I think she'll have a better idea of what that was like for him, later.
-Married how many times, now?
- How he tried so very hard not to come home with her.
- '500 years. God, what a knob.' - It's also silly because why cut it in half if he's going for that level of hyperbole/will fuzz her memories later? Cuter with the knowledge that he does seem to lie about his age sometimes.
-"I bet he falls in love really easily. He falls in love and no one could ever hope to match his intensity, so they have to leave him or they'd just be consumed entirely." That is SUCH a generous interpretation. I'd consider that sort of admission a serious red flag and never give it that sort of consideration. Not sure if it's because she's 18, she's Rose, or because she's just that into him.
BTW My husband is an actuary and no one knows what that is and it made me smile.
Okay, bye! Thanks for responding to my previous reviews.
Author's Response: Oh my gosh this review made my day, thank you! :D Hopefully this reply will make sense! Yes, I think his smile is too brilliant to be affected by the fuzzing - it looks out of place on someone who is meant to be \"boring\", and so it would be conflicting messages in Rose\'s head which would make her intrigued. Rose would definitely have mellowed out a bit after leaving Jimmy, and regaining some of her self. Enough to be ready to travel with the Doctor! RE: timelines - I wanted to do something which showed the Doctor was a bit alien, without resorting to alien physiology. Check out Billie Piper\'s BOTTOM incisors ;) And I think he was just saying lovely things to Rose, maybe about how much he missed her. Stuff he couldn\'t get away with saying as \"John\". If Rose, post JE, doesn\'t know about Donna the line about his friends is going to be a red flag! The 500 years thing was actually a reference to Queen Elizabeth (obv. this was written before I knew what was going on in the 50th anniversary special), and as a way to be silly about the age question, too. The line about falling in love was DEFINITELY Rose romanticising him, and trying to fit all the intensity she found in \"John\" into something she could understand. I have a friend who works for an actuary firm (plus John Hodgeman has that fantastic bit about the tattoos of the actuaries), so I enjoy putting references to them in stuff I write :D THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE WONDERFUL REVIEW OH MY GOSHHHHH
Oh, I loved this. So sweet and sad. So hot. I can really see this as being how thorough he would be in making love to her - both because he wants it to be phenomenal for her and because it's his only shot. I'm left with the certainty that if Rose does not suspect that John was the Doctor after he regenerates, she will be very, very certain by the time she makes love to the metacrisis Doctor (blurred memories or not, who else would make love like that?). I'm enjoying imagining her reactions to that realization, and his - as, really, the Doctor stole their first time away from his other self. I mean, I'd like to think that 10.5 would accept it, in light of the distinct advantage he has in keeping Rose long-term. I imagine that if 10.5 has enough remaining telepathy to uncover the blurriness of that night, it'd be a very sad memory for both of them, really. Anyway, loved it!
Author's Response: Oh, this was a brilliant review, thank you! I hadn\'t thought about TenToo uncovering the blurriness, though I always believed Rose would realise who \"John\" had been (or at least suspect) after Doomsday. Perhaps she asked the metacrisis Doctor about it and they realised once he had no memory of it. But I left it open ended for a reason, so we all get to wonder :D. Thank you again - it gave me lots of food for thought!
Your story is absolutely brilliant. I have not responded to anything I have read thus far, but your work was so careful and so touching that I had to thank you for writing it.
Your words paint such a clear picture - obviously of the physical (well done!), but the of emotional side that we all longed to see with 10. I felt his pain possibly more than I did when he said goodbye to Rose forever.
Just lovely. I'll read it again, many times!
Author's Response: Oh gosh, thank you! I\'ve always secretly thought that the Doctor would have gone back and seen Rose, even from a distance, before \"The End of Time\", and after seeing \"The Waters of Mars\", it made sense that his self-restraint was slipping. I am so happy that my story was able to convey all those feelings, and to do so clearly! This was a wonderful review, so thank you very much :)!
My goodness. I got here from Calufrax, and I am so glad I did. An absolutely breathtaking story, hot and just wonderful. I love the way the timelines are a part of the Doctor's consciousness and his care for Rose is stunning.
Author's Response: Thank you! I wanted to try something different with Time Lord sex, something that wasn\'t telepathy and wasn\'t strange equipment. Timelines are something just so beyond my comprehension that I felt they were quite alien and could add to the foreplay! Thank you for reading and reviewing :)!!!
Well, this is brilliant. Long enough to have a plot that makes sense and hot enough to make the plot worth the trouble. I swear, I could see it in my head. You should write more. More adult, more introspection, more anything you want. Adding you to fave authors now!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, it was lovely! The Last First Time really felt like it was already written, and I was just putting it down on figurative paper, so I was very lucky in that respect. I\'m glad you liked it and thank you for the add :)!
Well, obviously it had to end like that, but why oh why must it end like that?!?!?! Where do I begin...everything about this was perfect. Useless critique, I know, but honestly. The flow in POV was right. The way they interact at the chippy is precious and oh so right. The way the Doctor constantly compares this Rose with his Rose is beautiful. The sex isn't squeaky perfect; it's messy and a little alien and she's definitely young yet it's so stunningly them. When the Doctor takes away the traces...that was twisting the knife. I could feel how much rage Rose would have for that, as well as how guilty it makes him feel. Also, poor Rose for not knownig it was her, her, her all along.
You balance the story so well I'm left laghing, crying, and gasping from the intensity. Kudos to you for making this gritty and realistic and sweet and heartbreaking. It might be a while...but I'll read this again. I'll probably come back many times.
For now I'm just going to go die in a corner a little bit.
Author's Response: Oh wow, this review was amazing, thank you! I\'m so pleased that you liked the flow of POV (it was the first time I tried changing it in the middle of chapter blocks before!). I\'m always happy when people appreciate non-perfect sex - it\'s much easier to keep characterisation when people are making stupid noises or faces. I *am* sorry I made you sad and stuff, but I\'m really glad you liked the story! THANK YOU :)!!!!
Oh My Gosh! Just read this and it is so achingly beautiful. You capture the Doctor & Rose so very well. And frankly your smut is *HOT* -- you have to write more adult rated stories. This is just awesome.
Author's Response: Thank you! I\'m so glad you liked it and that the characterisation worked for you. Also, the sexiness. V. important, that one.
Oh my goodness, this is wonderful! It is beautifully written and oh, the feels, the feels!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, sort of overflowing with feels, this one. Can\'t be helped, I\'m afraid :)
Oh, yes, This was so wonderful in so many ways. THANK YOU!!!
Author's Response: You\'re welcome, gosh! Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Wonderful and heartbreaking.
Author's Response: Thank you! I hope some things are worth getting your heart broken for! (did you see what I did there?)
Oh the pain, brilliantly written pain!
Author's Response: Haha, thank you!