Wow! Really enjoyed this.
Author's Response: Thank you!
ohwow. This was EPIC.
E.P.I.C. I think you could call the disjointedness a style choice, in this case. If you can manage it, EVERYTHING can be used to tell the story, which is something I try to do occasionally, to see if I can pull it off. You rocked this.
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! And it was definitely a stylistic choice, but when I make a choice like that it can be difficult to remember the rules I come up with for the switching as I\'m just going with the flow of writing. I actually just went back a few days ago and re-edited a paragraph that was supposed to be in present tense.
Oh, give it up, Doctor. You wanted them from the moment they stepped inside. This was sweet. A little disjointed, but a good stream of conciousness internal dialogue. Thank you.
Author's Response: Thanks! This is totally my headcanon as to why One is so grumpy all the time. ;) And I hear you on the disjointedness, I kept having to tell my brain, \"NOT ALL OF THESE TENSE AND POV SWITCHES ARE ARTISTICALLY JUSTIFIABLE. STOP. STOP IT NOW.\"