I loved the darkness and anxiety of this piece. The prose verges from simple and spare to fairy-tale ornate, and the sentences from choppy and brutal to longer and dream-like, drifting. The contradictions inherent in that really emphasize the discord and the rising tension of the piece.
One of the best lines, and so revealing:
"Sarah Jane went home, eventually, but part of her is still there, still trapped. She will never be complete again. She imagines parts of all of them, ghosts wandering the corridors of the blue box, entertaining a lonely little boy who never really grew up."
Excellent, and a little dark. Loved it!
I'm probably predisposed to loving this ficlet, since it's about Clyde (who, most definitely, is the best of them and is my favorite NuWho character) and it's a fairy tale (which I'm loving in the newest season). The detail here that impressed me the most was how -- in just over 300 words -- you told such a big, complete story and all the while perfectly kept with the tone and language of fairy tales. It's really gorgeous.
Altogether excellent; the end was perhaps the best, and most horrifying, part of this little tale. You have the ability to use fairy-tale language just enough to tell us what we're looking at, but not so much that it starts sounding twee (a weakness to which I and others can fall prey); I only wish that "the girl" (whichever brave and imaginative girl it was) had not been separated from the rest of them by the fate society seems to think optimal for girls.
Just like a teenager to see wisdom as weakness, but yes, if any of them travel with the Doctor, or joins Gwen at Torchwood, it will be Clyde. Hope Sarah Jane finds that letter and Clyde comes home in one piece. Good story.