|Amy Wolf||2007.07.03 - 03:15PM||6: Food.||Signed|
|A critical, and hopelessly constructive review.|
First, if you claim your story isn't good, and you can't write, many people will take you at your word and avoid reading your stuff. If you're not as good at writing as you like, okay. Few people are. But knocking your own talents doesn't help with that, and gives people a poor initial impression.
Second, about the story, you have a lot of mystery. If you still don't have a specific plot, I suggest you work that out before posting more. Sit down, and get at least a basic plot, and a couple chapters written in advance before posting more. Not necessarily every detail, but at least the basics of where the story's going.
Third, it might help to add more details. You have a lot of talking, which is fine, but it can flesh out a lot to add more gestures, descriptions, and body language. What are the characters doing? What are they looking at? What do they here?
Fourth, make sure you start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.
Lyra's a workable character. This story could be developed more, but it's far from the worst fanfiction out there. Good luck.
Author's Response: Yes. Err ma\'am.
I\'ll try my best Ma\'am!
|Mistress Time||2007.06.28 - 03:07PM||1: Who are you?||Signed|
|Was slightly confused at first, but I like how because the characters are in tense situations, they are quite free with what they say. Poor Ianto, he always a bit unlucky in love :( |
Author's Response: You know why you were confused don\'t you? Yes \'cause I wrote it and I can\'t write. Thanks again for the review (which I told you to write \'cause i have no friends)