That's much better than the first two chapters. I'm intrigued to see what happens next (especially after the spoiler you gave me). A few helpful hints to improve even more:
i by itself should always be capitalised (I), and dialogue (bits between "quote marks") by different characters should get different paragraphs. It makes it easier to tell who's saying what. Running the story through spell check, or just reading it over for mistakes before posting couldn't hurt either. Good luck! And if you need more help I'm around until the end of the week.