Reviews For double life

2007.06.19 - 06:44PM
3: cybermen strike

That's much better than the first two chapters. I'm intrigued to see what happens next (especially after the spoiler you gave me). A few helpful hints to improve even more:

i by itself should always be capitalised (I), and dialogue (bits between "quote marks") by different characters should get different paragraphs. It makes it easier to tell who's saying what. Running the story through spell check, or just reading it over for mistakes before posting couldn't hurt either. Good luck! And if you need more help I'm around until the end of the week.

2007.06.12 - 07:23PM
1: mickey smith dairy

First off, brilliant idea for a story. One meets Mickey? I like the timeline twisting weirdness of it and want to learn more. Second off, and just a heads up, all of your Capitals Letters have mysteriously vanished! Their absence makes it a bit difficult to concentrate on the actual story.