This is very well written. I really like your writing style, and am anxious to read more of your work. Thanks for this beautiful piece of fanfic.
Poetic and vicious. Very steel magnolia--looks pretty but oh so cruel.
So nice to see more stories from you! I like the way you envisioned, then illustrated, the type of relationship I think they would have. And your point of view, for this vignette, is detached and, dare I say, a trifle cruel - perhaps the cruelty of accurate observation.
As always, you use language so well. It's lush without being verbose...every word is set where it should be. I particularly liked this: "She marks him with her impatience as though broken epidermis might effect epiphany. "