| Home | Most Recent | Categories | Authors | Titles | Help | Search | Log In | |
| Penname: | The Secretive Bus (David Barnes) |
| Member Since: | 2003.09.01 |
| Website: | |
| Hallo there, I'm the Bus. I'm 18, off at college doing many English and Drama related things. I generally try to be entertaining and amusing in my writing, so most of these stories are comedies, and often dialogue heavy. However, I like to try my hand at more serious affairs as well when the fancy takes me. My favourite Doctor is the first one, because he's just so damn entertaning. | |
 None  None  david1887@hotmail.com  None | |
| Stories by The Secretive Bus [38] | Favorite Stories and Series [1] | Favorite Authors [1] |
| Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 1] Since I've written so many of these "smashing" tales with the 4th Doctor, Romana and K9 (not that they wrote them with me, rather they're stories that feature said characters, though the reverse has also been true on occasion) I've decided to chuck them all into a mini series thingy. Well, it's something to do, isn't it? So have a gander at my own little continuing tribute to the best era of "Doctor Who". Fourth Doctor - - Het - Humor, Romance, Satire, Series Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II Open: No |
Stories
| "An Attempt at Getting Your Leg Over" with Ben Jackson - Viewer Involvement Minimal by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 23] An educational feature on the mating habits of the "Cockney", a species to be found on the planet Earth. Intrusion by Time Lord may occur. We hope you'll learn something. First Doctor - Teen - None - Action/Adventure, Het, Humor Characters: Ben Jackson, The Doctor (1st) Series: None Published: 2005.01.22 - Updated: 2005.01.22 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3062 |
| "Deja vu?" "Possibly." "Oh don't be pedantic!" "Fine, I'll go home then." by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7] The eight Doctors are in a sticky wicket, chaps and chapettes: they're all trapped in a room that contains a bomb set to go off in 30 minutes, and there's Krotons, Sontarans and Gundan Robots guarding the doors. Their fate is sealed, surely? But then, the man McGann has a plan! He's just realised that, since all his previous lives are in the room, he must have seen the situation played out to it's conclusion several times before. Multi-Era - All Ages - None - General, Humor Characters: The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (5th), The Doctor (6th), The Doctor (7th), The Doctor (8th), The Krotons, The Sontarans Series: None Published: 2003.10.13 - Updated: 2003.10.13 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: No - Word Count: 1899 |
| "Shocking!" by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 15] Hilarity* ensues when Doctor Who meets James Bond 007! * = Hilarity not guaranteed Third Doctor - All Ages - None - Crossover, Humor Characters: The Doctor (3rd) Series: None Published: 2004.06.18 - Updated: 2004.06.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 716 |
| "Who's Rose, Pussycat?" by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 9] The Doctor keeps an appointment for sexual advice with an old 'friend', now practising a rather peculiar brand of psychoanalysis. "A tree woman???" "Well, it was complicated." Multi-Era - All Ages - None - Crossover, General Characters: The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (9th) Series: None Published: 2005.04.26 - Updated: 2005.04.26 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2308 |
| An Unearthly Child & Stupid Apes by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 11] A return to the beginning and the plight of two schoolteachers in their quest to get to the bottom of a most peculiar mystery. First Doctor, Multi-Era - All Ages - None - None Characters: Barbara Wright, Ian Chesterton, Susan Foreman, The Doctor (9th), The Doctor (9th) Series: None Published: 2006.01.15 - Updated: 2006.01.15 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 4478 |
| Call Me Genius by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7] "No, it's not Tony Hancock!" "It's 5 o'clock!" "And it's CRACKERJACK!" "CRACKERJAAAACK!" Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - General Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2004.03.15 - Updated: 2004.03.15 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 105 |
| Candlelit dinners and Adagio for Strings by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] A fanciful notion, perhaps. But tonight it might just come true. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - Het - Romance, Het Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2004.12.29 - Updated: 2004.12.29 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1051 |
| Chocolatey gloop! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] Trying to keep one step ahead of the Daleks as they pursue him through time and space for the Taranium core, the Doctor shakes paws with a rabbit. First Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor Characters: Sara Kingdom, Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st) Series: None Published: 2005.01.30 - Updated: 2005.01.30 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 4359 |
| Dalek Supreme by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] In response to ye olde dw100 "Black" challenge thingy. Oh yes. Let's have a go, eh? With Daleks, cor blimey. Other Era - All Ages - None - Drabble, Humor Characters: The Daleks Series: None Published: 2004.12.10 - Updated: 2004.12.10 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 100 |
| Doctor Hancock's Half Hour by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2] What if Tony Hancock had been asked to star as Doctor Who? Well, here he is, aided by willing companions Bill Kerr and Hattie Jacques, with support from Sidney James and Kenneth Williams. Stone me! Plug yourself into a 1950s frame of mind and tune in for this special edition of "Hancock's Half Hour" in which the lad himself turns his attentions to grabbing a sci-fi audience. Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Crossover Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created) Series: None Published: 2004.10.05 - Updated: 2004.10.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3305 |
| Doctor Oho by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6] Doctor Oho is my attempt at writing a super-surreal story where stuff happens because I want to. It has 14 Doctors, lots of companions and is hopefully hilarious. But it probably won't be. Damn you! There's so many characters, there's not enough space to fit them all in in the summary box! And every chapter will have at least one reference to "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin." Multi-Era - All Ages - General - Humor, General Characters: Sara Kingdom, Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (5th), The Doctor (6th), The Doctor (Cushing), The Ice Warriors, The Meddling Monk, Jo Grant Series: None Published: 2003.09.02 - Updated: 2003.10.24 - Chapters: 3 - Completed: No - Word Count: 6541 |
| Doctor Who and his Wacky Attempts to Make Love. In Stockport. by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2] Just to clarify the title, the Doctor isn't trying to have sexual relations, rather he's trying to bring about a mutual feeling of love between two people. Seventh Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Humor Characters: The Doctor (7th) Series: None Published: 2005.03.28 - Updated: 2005.04.07 - Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Word Count: 4939 |
| Doctor Who and the Happy Cyberman by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6] Another in my series of 4th Doctor / Romana "comedy" stories, with yet more sexual frission between them! Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Cybermen, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2003.10.24 - Updated: 2003.10.24 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1855 |
| Graphic Sex! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 18] A controversially sexy little number, this one! Fourth Doctor - Adult - Explicit Sex - Het Characters: Romana I, Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 90 |
| Happy New Year! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] Just a simple message. First Doctor - All Ages - None - General Characters: Ian Chesterton, The Doctor (1st) Series: None Published: 2005.01.01 - Updated: 2005.01.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 82 |
| Hurrah for Holidays...? by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] The Doctor and Romana chatter about whether they should take a vacation or not, and an unwritten rule is questioned. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2005.10.01 - Updated: 2005.10.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 676 |
| I saw the love in your eyes... by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7] The tension mounts. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Romance Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2004.07.02 - Updated: 2004.07.02 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 156 |
| It's Nicholas Parsons! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2] A story of suspense, tension, and inappropriate description. Stars Nicholas Parsons, for the sole reason that there is no logic to it. Multi-Era - All Ages - General - Humor, General Characters: The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (5th) Series: None Published: 2003.10.05 - Updated: 2003.10.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 976 |
| Just a Minute! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 17] "Just a Minute" is that wonderful panel game where contestants are challenged to speak for one minute on a given subject without repetition, hesitation or deviation. Chaired, as usual, by Nicholas Parsons, we have with us tonight as our four players the Master, the fifth incarnation of the Doctor, the first incarnation of Romana and Clement Freud. Multi-Era - All Ages - None - Crossover, General Characters: Romana I, The Doctor (5th), The Master (Delgado) Series: None Published: 2005.01.02 - Updated: 2005.01.02 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3095 |
| Kamelion and his Fascinating Trousers by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 9] The Doctor and Kamelion - what a pair, eh? Ho ho ho. Practically a stand up comedy duo. Ha ha ha. Ho ho ho. Ohhhhh my. Yes. Fifth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General Characters: The Doctor (5th), Kamelion Series: None Published: 2004.08.20 - Updated: 2004.08.20 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 526 |
| Love's Cocoa by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3] Cameca had loved the Doctor. If only he'd loved her back. First Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Hurt/Comfort Characters: Cameca Series: None Published: 2004.10.11 - Updated: 2004.10.11 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 798 |
| Misinterpretations by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3] Getting the wrong end of the stick, really. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Femslash, Hurt/Comfort Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: None Published: 2005.02.04 - Updated: 2005.02.04 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2248 |
| Mullins by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] Silly adventure romp. The dodgy porter from "Spearhead from Space" gets his own show when UNIT calls upon him in their hour of need Third Doctor - All Ages - None - Action/Adventure, General Characters: Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, Other Character(s), Sergeant Benton Series: None Published: 2004.10.14 - Updated: 2004.10.25 - Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Word Count: 3353 |
| Pillow(s') Talk by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5] Beds eh? Romana eh? The Doctor eh? You've got that right, sunshine. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1665 |
| Pool, Peanuts and Pi - er, drunk. Ahem. by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7] Having foiled the latest attempt by those nasty Ice Warriors to take over the world, the Doctor, Sarah, Harry and UNIT retire to the pub to get smashed. As it were. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: The Doctor (4th), Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan, Other Character(s) Series: None Published: 2005.08.12 - Updated: 2005.08.12 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2558 |
| President Jimmy Smith and the Thoroughly Indecent Knights of Vleecan by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3] "Yes Minister" crossed with "Doctor Who," basically, though Jim Hacker and Bernard have been renamed (and there's no Sir Humphrey ) Hopefully humorous. First Doctor - All Ages - None - Crossover, General, Humor, Satire Characters: Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st) Series: None Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2630 |
| Pushing one's luck by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10] Grinnin' n' 'aving it away, moi word. Ninth Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (9th) Series: None Published: 2005.04.18 - Updated: 2005.04.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 500 |
| Smug Git acts Smug in smug shocker by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6] The Doctor tries to explain himself away. With Peter Jeffrey as the inspector. Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: The Doctor (Unspecified) Series: None Published: 2005.03.05 - Updated: 2005.03.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1094 |
| Taking the Proverbial by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10] Oh, what a rascal that man is. Ho ho. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - None Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2005.02.25 - Updated: 2005.02.25 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 253 |
| Tennant Indeed by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 8] A Children in Need scene? Which links "The Parting of the Ways" near enough seamlessly to "The Christmas Invasion"? Tenth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (10th) Series: None Published: 2005.11.12 - Updated: 2005.11.12 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 268 |
| The Awfully Arduous Affair by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 17] The Doctor's a tall, friendly chap with impeccable manners and good taste; Calapine is a Time Lady with a razor sharp sense of irony; and Sunny is an Earth girl who adapts herself to any situation regardless of plot contrivance. Their mission, should they choose to acknowledge it, concerns some rather startlingly grizzly occurences happening nonchalantly in a bemusing manner in a small English town. Yes, there is a plot to this, y'know. Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Drama, Humor Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created), Other Character(s) Series: None Published: 2004.07.02 - Updated: 2005.05.30 - Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Word Count: 6814 |
| The Cat in the Floppy Felt Hat by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6] The Doctor's been locked in his workshop for quite some time now. P'haps he has a surprise for Romana? To save you the burden of dramatic tension, yes, he has. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2006.01.19 - Updated: 2006.01.19 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1928 |
| The Doctor and Rose have sex by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 27] Blimey, eh. Ninth Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Satire Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (9th) Series: None Published: 2005.04.17 - Updated: 2005.04.17 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 29 |
| The Doctor, the garments, and the Wardrobe by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10] Yet another flight of fancy from the Bus. For all those who like to imagine Paul McGann taking his clothes off. Though I don't. How odd I am. Eighth Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor Characters: Fitz Kreiner, Samantha Jones, The Doctor (8th) Series: None Published: 2004.06.16 - Updated: 2004.06.16 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 954 |
| The Harmful Ghost by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 13] The Doctor, Vicki and Steven land in the early 1900s and get involved in an odd and macabre tale about a lost little girl and her dead parent. First Doctor - All Ages - None - Drama, General Characters: Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st), Vicki Series: None Published: 2004.12.12 - Updated: 2005.05.13 - Chapters: 6 - Completed: No - Word Count: 18880 |
| The Perils of Pencils by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7] A nice little short story. Like the majority of my stories, hopefully humorous. Fourth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1541 |
| The Times and Lives of Donald Hickerty by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10] A fine old English comedy, in which a highly strung Doctor, travelling with a paranoid Time Lady and an irritatingly up-beat American gal, lands in the grounds of a gorgeous mansion in the year 1920, and gets involved in a mysterious and thrilling tale of missing maids, dubious cads, buttered scones, and a garden gnome called "Medley". High drama, low romance, a lashing of puns, and a bloke who lives in a giant boot. Each chapter even comes complete with an illustration. Gosh! What a lovely package. And it's been finished, too! Other Doctors - All Ages - Het - Drama, Humor, Romance, Het Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created), Other Character(s) Series: None Published: 2005.08.01 - Updated: 2005.09.26 - Chapters: 28 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 44918 |
| The Ultimate in Crushing Disappointments by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 19] A short story, with Tom. Woo! Fourth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General Characters: The Doctor (4th) Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! Published: 2003.09.13 - Updated: 2003.09.13 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 10 |
Script for this archive provided by eFiction. Contact our archivists at help@whofic.com. Please read our Terms of Service and Submission Guidelines.