A Teaspoon And An Open Mind: A Doctor Who Fan Fiction Archive

Penname:The Secretive Bus (David Barnes)
Member Since:2003.09.01
Website:
Hallo there, I'm the Bus. I'm 18, off at college doing many English and Drama related things. I generally try to be entertaining and amusing in my writing, so most of these stories are comedies, and often dialogue heavy. However, I like to try my hand at more serious affairs as well when the fancy takes me. My favourite Doctor is the first one, because he's just so damn entertaning.
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Stories by The Secretive Bus [38] Favorite Stories and Series [1] Favorite Authors [1]
Season 17 with the Secretive Bus! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 1]
Since I've written so many of these "smashing" tales with the 4th Doctor, Romana and K9 (not that they wrote them with me, rather they're stories that feature said characters, though the reverse has also been true on occasion) I've decided to chuck them all into a mini series thingy. Well, it's something to do, isn't it? So have a gander at my own little continuing tribute to the best era of "Doctor Who".
Fourth Doctor - - Het - Humor, Romance, Satire, Series
Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II
Open: No

Stories
"An Attempt at Getting Your Leg Over" with Ben Jackson - Viewer Involvement Minimal by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 24]
An educational feature on the mating habits of the "Cockney", a species to be found on the planet Earth. Intrusion by Time Lord may occur. We hope you'll learn something.
First Doctor - Teen - None - Action/Adventure, Het, Humor
Characters: Ben Jackson, The Doctor (1st)
Series: None
Published: 2005.01.22 - Updated: 2005.01.22 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3062

"Deja vu?" "Possibly." "Oh don't be pedantic!" "Fine, I'll go home then." by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7]
The eight Doctors are in a sticky wicket, chaps and chapettes: they're all trapped in a room that contains a bomb set to go off in 30 minutes, and there's Krotons, Sontarans and Gundan Robots guarding the doors. Their fate is sealed, surely? But then, the man McGann has a plan! He's just realised that, since all his previous lives are in the room, he must have seen the situation played out to it's conclusion several times before.
Multi-Era - All Ages - None - General, Humor
Characters: The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (5th), The Doctor (6th), The Doctor (7th), The Doctor (8th), The Krotons, The Sontarans
Series: None
Published: 2003.10.13 - Updated: 2003.10.13 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: No - Word Count: 1899

"Shocking!" by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 15]
Hilarity* ensues when Doctor Who meets James Bond 007! * = Hilarity not guaranteed
Third Doctor - All Ages - None - Crossover, Humor
Characters: The Doctor (3rd)
Series: None
Published: 2004.06.18 - Updated: 2004.06.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 716

"Who's Rose, Pussycat?" by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 9]
The Doctor keeps an appointment for sexual advice with an old 'friend', now practising a rather peculiar brand of psychoanalysis. "A tree woman???" "Well, it was complicated."
Multi-Era - All Ages - None - Crossover, General
Characters: The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (9th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.04.26 - Updated: 2005.04.26 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2308

An Unearthly Child & Stupid Apes by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 11]
A return to the beginning and the plight of two schoolteachers in their quest to get to the bottom of a most peculiar mystery.
First Doctor, Multi-Era - All Ages - None - None
Characters: Barbara Wright, Ian Chesterton, Susan Foreman, The Doctor (9th), The Doctor (9th)
Series: None
Published: 2006.01.15 - Updated: 2006.01.15 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 4478

Call Me Genius by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7]
"No, it's not Tony Hancock!" "It's 5 o'clock!" "And it's CRACKERJACK!" "CRACKERJAAAACK!"
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - General
Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2004.03.15 - Updated: 2004.03.15 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 105

Candlelit dinners and Adagio for Strings by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
A fanciful notion, perhaps. But tonight it might just come true.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - Het - Romance, Het
Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2004.12.29 - Updated: 2004.12.29 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1051

Chocolatey gloop! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
Trying to keep one step ahead of the Daleks as they pursue him through time and space for the Taranium core, the Doctor shakes paws with a rabbit.
First Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor
Characters: Sara Kingdom, Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st)
Series: None
Published: 2005.01.30 - Updated: 2005.01.30 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 4359

Dalek Supreme by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
In response to ye olde dw100 "Black" challenge thingy. Oh yes. Let's have a go, eh? With Daleks, cor blimey.
Other Era - All Ages - None - Drabble, Humor
Characters: The Daleks
Series: None
Published: 2004.12.10 - Updated: 2004.12.10 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 100

Doctor Hancock's Half Hour by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2]
What if Tony Hancock had been asked to star as Doctor Who? Well, here he is, aided by willing companions Bill Kerr and Hattie Jacques, with support from Sidney James and Kenneth Williams. Stone me! Plug yourself into a 1950s frame of mind and tune in for this special edition of "Hancock's Half Hour" in which the lad himself turns his attentions to grabbing a sci-fi audience.
Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Crossover
Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created)
Series: None
Published: 2004.10.05 - Updated: 2004.10.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3305

Doctor Oho by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6]
Doctor Oho is my attempt at writing a super-surreal story where stuff happens because I want to. It has 14 Doctors, lots of companions and is hopefully hilarious.
Multi-Era - All Ages - None - General, Humor
Characters: Jo Grant, Sara Kingdom, Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st), The Doctor (2nd), The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (4th), The Doctor (5th), The Doctor (6th), The Doctor (Cushing), The Ice Warriors, The Meddling Monk
Series: None
Published: 2003.09.02 - Updated: 2003.10.24 - Chapters: 3 - Completed: No - Word Count: 6541

Doctor Who and his Wacky Attempts to Make Love. In Stockport. by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2]
Just to clarify the title, the Doctor isn't trying to have sexual relations, rather he's trying to bring about a mutual feeling of love between two people.
Seventh Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Humor
Characters: The Doctor (7th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.03.28 - Updated: 2005.04.07 - Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Word Count: 4939

Doctor Who and the Happy Cyberman by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6]
Another in my series of 4th Doctor / Romana "comedy" stories, with yet more sexual frission between them!
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Cybermen, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2003.10.24 - Updated: 2003.10.24 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1855

Graphic Sex! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 18]
A controversially sexy little number, this one!
Fourth Doctor - Adult - Explicit Sex - Het
Characters: Romana I, Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 90

Happy New Year! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
Just a simple message.
First Doctor - All Ages - None - General
Characters: Ian Chesterton, The Doctor (1st)
Series: None
Published: 2005.01.01 - Updated: 2005.01.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 82

Hurrah for Holidays...? by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
The Doctor and Romana chatter about whether they should take a vacation or not, and an unwritten rule is questioned.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2005.10.01 - Updated: 2005.10.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 676

I saw the love in your eyes... by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7]
The tension mounts.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Romance
Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2004.07.02 - Updated: 2004.07.02 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 156

It's Nicholas Parsons! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 2]
A story of suspense, tension, and inappropriate description. Stars Nicholas Parsons, for the sole reason that there is no logic to it.
Multi-Era - All Ages - General - Humor, General
Characters: The Doctor (3rd), The Doctor (5th)
Series: None
Published: 2003.10.05 - Updated: 2003.10.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 976

Just a Minute! by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 17]
"Just a Minute" is that wonderful panel game where contestants are challenged to speak for one minute on a given subject without repetition, hesitation or deviation. Chaired, as usual, by Nicholas Parsons, we have with us tonight as our four players the Master, the fifth incarnation of the Doctor, the first incarnation of Romana and Clement Freud.

Multi-Era - All Ages - None - Crossover, General
Characters: Romana I, The Doctor (5th), The Master (Delgado)
Series: None
Published: 2005.01.02 - Updated: 2005.01.02 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 3095

Kamelion and his Fascinating Trousers by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 9]
The Doctor and Kamelion - what a pair, eh? Ho ho ho. Practically a stand up comedy duo. Ha ha ha. Ho ho ho. Ohhhhh my. Yes.
Fifth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General
Characters: The Doctor (5th), Kamelion
Series: None
Published: 2004.08.20 - Updated: 2004.08.20 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 526

Love's Cocoa by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3]
Cameca had loved the Doctor. If only he'd loved her back.
First Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Cameca
Series: None
Published: 2004.10.11 - Updated: 2004.10.11 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 798

Misinterpretations by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3]
Getting the wrong end of the stick, really.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Femslash, Hurt/Comfort
Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.02.04 - Updated: 2005.02.04 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2248

Mullins by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
Silly adventure romp. The dodgy porter from "Spearhead from Space" gets his own show when UNIT calls upon him in their hour of need
Third Doctor - All Ages - None - Action/Adventure, General
Characters: Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, Other Character(s), Sergeant Benton
Series: None
Published: 2004.10.14 - Updated: 2004.10.25 - Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Word Count: 3353

Pillow(s') Talk by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 5]
Beds eh? Romana eh? The Doctor eh? You've got that right, sunshine.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1665

Pool, Peanuts and Pi - er, drunk. Ahem. by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7]
Having foiled the latest attempt by those nasty Ice Warriors to take over the world, the Doctor, Sarah, Harry and UNIT retire to the pub to get smashed. As it were.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: The Doctor (4th), Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart, Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan, Other Character(s)
Series: None
Published: 2005.08.12 - Updated: 2005.08.12 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2558

President Jimmy Smith and the Thoroughly Indecent Knights of Vleecan by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 3]
"Yes Minister" crossed with "Doctor Who," basically, though Jim Hacker and Bernard have been renamed (and there's no Sir Humphrey ) Hopefully humorous.
First Doctor - All Ages - None - Crossover, General, Humor, Satire
Characters: Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st)
Series: None
Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 2630

Pushing one's luck by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10]
Grinnin' n' 'aving it away, moi word.
Ninth Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor
Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (9th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.04.18 - Updated: 2005.04.18 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 500

Smug Git acts Smug in smug shocker by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6]
The Doctor tries to explain himself away. With Peter Jeffrey as the inspector.
Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: The Doctor (Unspecified)
Series: None
Published: 2005.03.05 - Updated: 2005.03.05 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1094

Taking the Proverbial by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10]
Oh, what a rascal that man is. Ho ho.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - None
Characters: Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2005.02.25 - Updated: 2005.02.25 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 253

Tennant Indeed by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 8]
A Children in Need scene? Which links "The Parting of the Ways" near enough seamlessly to "The Christmas Invasion"?
Tenth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (10th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.11.12 - Updated: 2005.11.12 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 268

The Awfully Arduous Affair by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 17]
The Doctor's a tall, friendly chap with impeccable manners and good taste; Calapine is a Time Lady with a razor sharp sense of irony; and Sunny is an Earth girl who adapts herself to any situation regardless of plot contrivance. Their mission, should they choose to acknowledge it, concerns some rather startlingly grizzly occurences happening nonchalantly in a bemusing manner in a small English town. Yes, there is a plot to this, y'know.
Other Doctors - All Ages - None - Drama, Humor
Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created), Other Character(s)
Series: None
Published: 2004.07.02 - Updated: 2005.05.30 - Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Word Count: 6814

The Cat in the Floppy Felt Hat by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 6]
The Doctor's been locked in his workshop for quite some time now. P'haps he has a surprise for Romana? To save you the burden of dramatic tension, yes, he has.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - None - Humor
Characters: K-9, Romana II, The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2006.01.19 - Updated: 2006.01.19 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1928

The Doctor and Rose have sex by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 27]
Blimey, eh.
Ninth Doctor - All Ages - None - Het, Satire
Characters: Rose Tyler, The Doctor (9th)
Series: None
Published: 2005.04.17 - Updated: 2005.04.17 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 29

The Doctor, the garments, and the Wardrobe by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10]
Yet another flight of fancy from the Bus. For all those who like to imagine Paul McGann taking his clothes off. Though I don't. How odd I am.
Eighth Doctor - All Ages - None - General, Humor
Characters: Fitz Kreiner, Samantha Jones, The Doctor (8th)
Series: None
Published: 2004.06.16 - Updated: 2004.06.16 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 954

The Harmful Ghost by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 13]
The Doctor, Vicki and Steven land in the early 1900s and get involved in an odd and macabre tale about a lost little girl and her dead parent.
First Doctor - All Ages - None - Drama, General
Characters: Steven Taylor, The Doctor (1st), Vicki
Series: None
Published: 2004.12.12 - Updated: 2005.05.13 - Chapters: 6 - Completed: No - Word Count: 18880

The Perils of Pencils by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 7]
A nice little short story. Like the majority of my stories, hopefully humorous.
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General
Characters: The Doctor (4th), K-9, Romana II
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2003.09.01 - Updated: 2003.09.01 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 1541

The Times and Lives of Donald Hickerty by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 10]
A fine old English comedy, in which a highly strung Doctor, travelling with a paranoid Time Lady and an irritatingly up-beat American gal, lands in the grounds of a gorgeous mansion in the year 1920, and gets involved in a mysterious and thrilling tale of missing maids, dubious cads, buttered scones, and a garden gnome called "Medley". High drama, low romance, a lashing of puns, and a bloke who lives in a giant boot. Each chapter even comes complete with an illustration. Gosh! What a lovely package. And it's been finished, too!
Other Doctors - All Ages - Het - Drama, Humor, Romance, Het
Characters: The Doctor (Author-Created), Other Character(s)
Series: None
Published: 2005.08.01 - Updated: 2005.09.26 - Chapters: 28 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 44918

The Ultimate in Crushing Disappointments by The Secretive Bus [Reviews - 19]
A short story, with Tom. Woo!
Fourth Doctor - All Ages - General - Humor, General
Characters: The Doctor (4th)
Series: Season 17 with the Secretive Bus!
Published: 2003.09.13 - Updated: 2003.09.13 - Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Word Count: 10



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