A Teaspoon And An Open Mind: A Doctor Who Fan Fiction Archive
Twelfth Doctor, Thirteenth Doctor
A TARDIS Full of Bras by nostalgia [Reviews - 5] Printer




“Thanks for coming with me,” said the Doctor as they walked into a medium-sized Superdrug.

Bill smiled at her and shrugged. “It's the least I can do.”

The Doctor looked around, feeling rather lost. “I want that stuff Missy puts on her eyes.”

“Make-up?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Bill led her over to the cosmetics displays that ran along one wall of the shop. The Doctor picked up a black pencil. “I know eyeliner,” she said. “Eyeliner's easy. And um... the one with the little wand thing?” She looked at Bill questioningly.

“Mascara?”

“Yes, that's the one! I want mascara.”

“What about this one?” asked Bill, picking up a black mascara from the Rimmel display.

“Does it come in waterproof?” asked the Doctor, chewing on her bottom lip. “It's just, well, Rose wore a lot of mascara and it used to get all over her face when she cried. I mean, I loved her, but she looked like a panda a lot of the time.”

Bill laughed. “Yeah, they do waterproof mascara.” She picked one up and handed it to the Doctor, who dropped it into her basket beside the eyeliner.

“Can I wear lipstick as well?” asked the Doctor.

“You can wear anything you like, Doctor, it's up to you.” Bill looked around the shop. “Um, can I ask a personal question?”

“If you like,” said the Doctor, picking a lipstick out at random and holding it up to the light.

“Are you gay now?”

The Doctor looked at her. “That's a weird question.”

“Is it?”

She nodded. “Very weird.” She shrugged. “It's not really like that with Time Lords.”

“Okay.” Bill stopped the Doctor dismantling a lipstick. “Use the testers, swatch them on the back of your hand to see if they go with your skin colour.”

“Oh, that's a good idea. What about this one?”

“It's nice,” said Bill.

The Doctor added it to her basket and looked round. “What else do I need?”

“Do you menstruate?” asked Bill, dealing with the obvious question first.

“I don't think so.”

Bill raised her eyebrows. “You don't know?”

“I spent the last two thousand years being a man, it didn't seem like something I needed to know about. Well, I haven't yet so I'm going to assume that I don't.”

“Okay,” said Bill, “do you want new shampoo? Cos that stuff the other you wears smells like bloke.”

“See, this is the kind of thing I've never been able to understand. Gendered shampoo. Does it really make a difference?”

“I suppose not,” said Bill. “But if you want to try that sort of thing later a good general rule is that you want the pink version. That's usually the girl one.”

The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. “Pink. Okay, I can deal with that.” She waved a hand at a skincare display. “What's all this stuff? Do I need any of this stuff?”

“It's supposed to make you more attractive, but that's mostly just advertising bullshit.”

“Am I pretty?” asked the Doctor, suddenly.

“Yeah, you look nice. I'd totally fancy you if you weren't my space dad.”

The Doctor smiled. “Thanks!”

“Don't mention that to him, though, I don't want to make things weird.”

“My lips are sealed,” the Doctor promised. She held up her basket. “Is this all we're buying here?”

“I suppose,” said Bill, leading her to the tills. “Do you want to get a loyalty card, so you can get points if you come back to buy anything else?”

“I... wait, is John Smith a gender-specific name?”

“It's a man's name, yeah.”

The Doctor groaned. “So now I have to think up a new fake name as well? I only regenerated, it's not like I'm a different person!”

“It... kind of is?” said Bill, uncertainly. “I can help you pick out a girl's name if you want.”

“Verity,” said the Doctor, with a determined nod. “I feel like a Verity.”

“Yeah, that'll do.”

They approached the till. “Wait,” said the Doctor, stopping suddenly, “I don't have any money.”

“You never have any money,” sighed Bill, reaching into her pocket for some change. “I'll pay, since it's your first go at this stuff.”

“Thanks, Bill,” said the Doctor, putting her basket on the counter.

“Okay,” said Bill as they left the shop, “what's next?”

“I need a bra that fits. I found this one on the TARDIS. I think it was Martha's but the straps keep falling down.”

“Do you know your size?”

“Um.” The Doctor gestured vaguely. “About this big?”

“We'll get you measured,” said Bill, with a small smile. “Come on,” she said, setting off into the depths of the shopping centre with the Doctor in tow, “let's get you sorted out.”


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