Not strictly part of this meme. I posted a drabble with Four, Leela and characters from These Old Shades by Georgette Heyer. infiniteviking made the suggestion about the confusion of the Duke of Avon with Kerr Avon and Rupert Alastair with Rupert Giles. This was the result.
In which the Duchess of Avon has trouble with her carriage and a million to one chance upsets the balance of the universe briefly enough to bring Avon, Giles, the Doctor and Leela into a collision course in the Eighteenth century. With highwaymen.
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A Collection of Crossovers by vvj5 [Reviews - 16]  Chapter or Story Author's Notes: | |
It was a million to one chance. Exactly a million to one chance, or there was no explaining it.
*
Avon stepped up in readiness. “Go on, Jenna.”
She hesitated with her finger on the switch. “I thought you said this was a bad idea.”
“I did. I didn’t say anyone had any better ones, however. Get on with it.”
*
“Fishing!” said the Doctor.
Leela folded her arms. “You have explained this to me before, Doctor. It does not sound interesting.”
“But I know the most charming spot. K9, tell her fishing is an art.”
“Correction, Master. Fishing is a sport that originated on the planet earth -.”
“Oh, be quiet,” snapped the Doctor as Leela knelt down and patted the robot dog’s tin head with a smile. He reached for the console.
*
“Great goddess, I beseech thee -.”
Giles interrupted. “You have got the right page?”
Willow looked at him with hurt, dark eyes and pouted.
“I don’t mean to question your ability, Willow, but if you succeed in opening a portal, I’d like to be sure it’s the correct one.”
Xander shrugged. “You volunteered, British guy. I did offer, but my services were declined.”
“We need the precise edition of the Ancient Chronicle of Eduardo Cantalini, which was last heard of in the library of Geralfus, who owns another half a million texts — in addition to the complete works of Barbara Cartland, but then he is a demon. I suppose there’s no expecting him to have taste. What’s more, he has a unique and complex cataloguing system that makes Library of Congress look simple. I think this one is down to me.”
“I didn’t understand half of those words, so yeah,” said Xander.
Tara added, “It is a shame he doesn’t live somewhere that isn’t, you know, a demon dimension.”
“I agree,” said Giles, tightening his hold on the sword. “However, we need the book.”
Willow coughed.
“Yes, go on, Willow. I’m sorry.”
*
And as Jenna flicked the switch, the Doctor hit the controls, Willow finished her chant. A million to one chance took effect. There’s no telling what caused it, although it has to be admitted that Willow’s spells tended to be both extremely powerful and unpredictable.
And at the same moment, if it can be called that when dealing with such differences of space and time, the Duchess of Avon suffered the inconvenience of losing a wheel from her carriage.
*
“Well, that’s interesting,” said the Doctor as the TARDIS gave a lurch, lights dimming before flaring back up again. “We’ve landed somewhere unexpected. More unexpected than usual, that is — and we were right on course a minute ago.”
Leela joined him. “Where are we? Is there danger?”
“I don’t know,” he said, reached for his hat and placing it on his head with a wide grin. “We seem to be in eighteenth century Britain. In a wood, it appears. There could well be danger. There might even be fish. We’d better go and look.”
*
Léonie, Duchess of Avon, stepped out of the carriage, turning her small nose up at the damp and the falling leaves. “This is a misfortune of the most inconvenient.”
“Plaguey nuisance,” agreed the young man who was her companion. “Blow me if I know where we’re to get help from in the middle of the woods.”
“March will know what we are to do,” said the girl without panic. She was dressed in expensive clothes, wide blue skirts that were not at all practical for their current circumstances. Against the fashion, her curls were a bright red under her exquisite befeathered hat.
The coachman joined them. “I shall go and fetch help, your grace.”
“It is as I said, enfin,” she pronounced, giving him her permission. March and one of the footman set off walking, neither looking happy about the situation. “Unless you could mend it, Rupert?”
He stared back at her. “What will you come out with next? What the devil should I know about fixing a wheel?”
“That is true,” she agreed. “It would have been useful, but hélas, we must wait. I shall be late and I promised monseigneur that we should be there.”
He glanced back at her. “Oh, don’t get in a taking, Léonie. Justin won’t cut up rough at you. March, perhaps. Me, but -.”
She moved nearer. “There is someone out there, behind those trees. See, Rupert!”
“Must have been a bird, or a fox,” he said, but he signalled for the remaining footman to join them.
“It was not!” declared Léonie. “Imbécile! I am not mistaken.”
*
Avon found himself in a large wood and raised his eyebrows. Their examination of the planet had suggested it was largely desert. Something, he surmised, had gone wrong. How surprising.
“Liberator,” he said, using the band around his wrist. “Do you read me? Jenna?”
There was no reply.
Then, spying a small group of people nearby, he edged forward.
*
“Not a demon dimension,” said Giles, landing in an undignified position among mud and leaves. He looked around him. “England, if I’m not mistaken.” He sighed. Hopefully, the spell would still reverse at the correct time, but until then he had nothing to do but walk around in the drizzle with a sword that now felt rather conspicuous. He’d have a hard time explaining that to someone out walking the dog.
“Typical.”
*
“Wait!”
Leela cannoned into the Doctor in front of the doors. “What is it?”
“You can’t go out like that.”
She looked down at her slight outfit. “I cannot? You said you liked my dress.”
“Well, it’s not down to liking, is it? This is the eighteenth century, my girl. If we wander around with you dressed like that, we’ll be locked up by the parish before we can say how do you do. We’d better go find you something suitable.”
She shrugged. “Very well.”
*
There was a police box standing in the middle of the woods. Giles stared at it. He knew he had been in America for some time, but they didn’t have police boxes any more and he was pretty sure that most had not been placed in isolated spots like this when they had been around.
He realised that perhaps he should not have been so quick to assume that this was England, or at least, the England he knew. There were such things as alternate dimensions and who knew what else. Maybe it was a demon dimension in some sort of disguise. The trouble was he had no real idea what it was supposed to look like, although there should have been a big library, not a forest.
*
Léonie hitched up her skirts and marched over in search of her stranger, Rupert trailing behind her, still protesting.
“If anything happens to you, Avon will kill me,” said Rupert. “If you’ve no thought for your own skin, you could stop and consider mine.”
She turned and gave him a dazzling smile. “But nothing will happen, Rupert!”
“Eh?”
Leonie stopped to take his arm. “You will not allow it, n’est ce pas? I know I may rely on you!”
“Well, no, but that ain’t the point -. Ecod, there is a fellow there!”
They both paused, to look at the oddly dressed stranger who watched them equally closely in return. Léonie moved forward. “Perhaps you might be of assistance? We have broken a wheel, as you see.”
“A wheel?” said the stranger. “I don’t think so. Where is this place?”
Rupert shrugged. “That’s what I like to know. Middle of nowhere and devilish inconvenient. My name’s Alastair. What’s yours?”
“Avon,” he said.
*
The two young people in what appeared to be fancy dress both stopped at his confession of his name and stared at him. It made even Avon feel uneasy. “Is there something wrong?”
“Damme, he’s got a nerve,” said the man. “’Pon my life, he has. Avon, you say?”
“Yes.”
The young woman with the fiery hair and dark brows was now glaring at him with hatred in her eyes. “You dare claim to be monseigneur?”
“I don’t claim anything,” said Avon. “Is there something wrong?”
The man frowned. “No, wait, Léonie, no one would be fool enough to claim to be Avon. No sense in it — who would want to, with his reputation? Too many people know Justin. It’d never do.”
Avon was wearing of this. “If there is some problem with my name, tell me what it is you’d wish me to be called. It is of no matter.”
“Stap me, he’s an odd fish,” said Lord Rupert Alastair. “Forgive us, but my brother’s the Duke of Avon. I’ve not heard another introduce themselves by that name.”
The girl was still glaring. “Me, I do not like him!”
“Forgive my sister,” said Rupert. “She’s French. Temperamental, you understand.”
She turned. “Do not be so weak, Rupert. For such an insult to monseigneur, you should run him through. Voyons, give me your sword; I shall do it!”
“I don’t believe it’s any such thing, Léonie,” he said, tightening his hold on her arm. “No sense in it at all.”
Avon gave a small, forced smile. “I see I am not wanted. If I may pass on by?”
“By all means,” said the young man.
“Rupert!”
*
To his surprise, Giles heard someone calling his name. He hastened in that direction.
*
“Yes?”
The other three turned.
“A friend of yours, is it?” Lord Rupert asked Avon.
He said, “I have never seen him before.”
“What is this, Rupert?” asked Léonie. “He, too, is dressed in a manner that I find of the most odd. Incroyable!”
The newcomer reached them. He raised his eyebrows on surveying the odd threesome and the broken carriage behind them. “Someone called me.”
“Not us,” said Rupert. “Who are you, anyway?”
He held out his hand. “Rupert Giles. This may sound strange, but I don’t suppose you could tell me where I am?”
“We don’t know, either,” supplied Avon. “It seems to be a common problem around here.”
Léonie stopped and abruptly burst into helpless, infectious laughter. The three men watched her in bemusement. “Oh, you think I am out of my wits, hein? But, vraiment, we are all together lost in this wood and he is called Avon and this is Lord Rupert Alastair, he is another Rupert and I am the Duchess of Avon. It is all of the most ridiculous!”
“I see,” said Giles. “It is rather, isn’t it?”
As he spoke, another man and a woman entered the clearing.
“Egad,” said Lord Rupert. “I thought we’d be devilish lonely out in a benighted stretch of the country, but it’s as crammed full of fellows as a card rout.”
*
The Doctor paused on seeing the small group ahead of him and raised his hat with a smile, Leela close behind him, in a long, cumbersome Eighteenth century dress that she entirely disapproved of.
“Hello there,” he greeted them. “What good fortune to chance on you. I don’t suppose any of you splendid people could tell us where we are and what the year is?”
*
Léonie, now that the situation had become plainly so ridiculous, found it all entirely entertaining, although Rupert was standing around looking at the other three with an expression of a singularly unintelligent fish. She caught at Leela’s arm. “You have no cloak,” she said. “You will sit in the carriage with me and we shall not get wet and they can argue without us, enfin.”
“Thank you,” said Leela. “I am Leela.”
She smiled back at her. “I am Léonie. I am the Duchess of Avon, but, mordieu, it has been hard to remember to be Léonie and not Léon and now I am a grand lady, me, and that is even harder to remember.” She twinkled at Leela. “We shall sit and you will tell me your story and that will be of a certainty more interesting than their discussions.”
*
“We were trying to open up a portal,” Giles started. “Eighteenth century England? To be honest, I didn’t think time travel was actually possible.”
“Not possible?” put in the Doctor. “Now, gentleman, don’t all rush me at once, but I happen to have a time machine and I should be able to put us all back in our rightful places, if you’ll only tell me a little more about where you’ve come from.”
Avon rolled his eyes. “I’m stranded here with two lunatics and three primitives. Wonderful.”
“Could you at least try and be a little more helpful?” put in the Doctor. “Come on. Would it kill you to try? Now, imagine that I have a ship capable of travelling through time as well as space and that I might be able to get you out of this damp wood and -.”
There was the sound of shouts from behind them, and a shot. They all turned.
“Damme,” gasped Rupert. “Highwaymen — ruffians! Léonie!”
Before they could move, there was the even louder sound of a nearer shot and the highwayman fell.
“I might have known,” said Rupert. “Léonie. You must admit, no one ever had such spirit.”
The Doctor said, “Except, of course, that it could as easily have been Leela. She’s also rather … spirited.”
“Really?” said Giles with interest.
Avon sighed. “If the danger is over, I suggest you finish whatever it was you were going to say.”
*
“Bravo!” applauded Léonie. “You have killed him.”
Leela picked herself up again, the report from the antique and unwieldy gun having knocked her back against the side of the carriage. “He left me no choice.”
“’Pon my soul,” said Rupert, racing over to them. “Fellow didn’t know what he was letting himself in for. You are both unhurt?”
Léonie nodded. “But of course, Rupert. He was an imbécile and he had the manners of a pig. Voyons, he is dead and it is a good thing.”
“That is not a good weapon,” said Leela, finally removing the gun.
Rupert paused. “You used that?”
“It was the only thing to hand and he had a gun,” she said. “I would prefer a sharp blade, but it would not have answered against him.”
The Doctor joined Lord Rupert. “Leela, how many times have I told you -?”
“He would have killed us if I had not shot him,” she told him. “He wished to rob us and Léonie fought.”
Her eyes glittered, as she put a hand to her necklace. “These he cannot have! Monseigneur gave them to me, enfin. No one shall take them.”
“I tell you what it is, Léonie, you’ve no sense, none at all,” said Rupert. “If you don’t think Avon would rather have you, aye, and get your trinkets back to you, too, or buy you better ones, you’re losing your wits. What plaguey notions you take into your head.”
She drew herself up instantly. “But me, I have more sense than you! Bah, you have no spirit.”
“That’s a damn’d ungracious thing to throw at me. Last time I went travelling with you, it was me that got a bullet in my shoulder.”
Leonie softened immediately. “It is not at all kind in you to remind me. But you have no heart — I could not be so careless of what monseigneur has given me.”
“There is just one thing,” said the Doctor in an undertone. “What if he wasn’t acting alone?”
Rupert paused. “Eh? Egad, after that, do you think any other ruffian would try?”
Avon and Giles rejoined them.
“What is it now?” asked Avon.
The Doctor said in a whisper. “I think we should split up and check the perimeter.”
“Any particular reason?”
He said, “Does anyone know how far away it is to the nearest inn?”
“No.”
He coughed. “Far be it from me to spread alarm, but it strikes me as very convenient that her ladyship’s coach breaks down here in the middle of nowhere, your coachman goes off -.”
“March has been in Avon’s employ for years,” protested Rupert. “You must be in your cups.”
He said “Plainly, I’m not. Did he go alone?”
“No, he took the footman with him. And, come to think of it, what happened to the other?”
Giles took this in. “You’re suggesting that this is some sort of plot? Isn’t that rather unlikely?”
“Unless there is something of value in that coach.”
Léonie put her head to the necklace again. “These.”
“M’dear, I keep telling you, you’ve no sense,” said Rupert. “Man’d have to be a fool to hatch up a scheme like this for such a trumpery item.”
Her brows darkened. “They were a gift from monseigneur and if you say they are trumpery items once more-.”
“Anything else?” asked the Doctor.
Avon remained aloof. “Why are we all whispering?”
“He is rich, this monseigneur?” asked Leela. “This Duke of Avon?”
Rupert shrugged. “It’s the devil to let with all of us Alastairs, but Justin will always contrive. Yes, in a word.”
“Then it is obvious,” she said. “If the Doctor is right, of course.”
The Doctor said, “Are you questioning me? You are, aren’t you?”
“The Duchess,” said Giles, following Leela’s reasoning. “I see.”
Rupert stood back. “Egad, I should like to see them try! For one thing, they can’t know what a hothead Léonie is and for another, they must be fools. They’d pay for it; Avon would see to that.” He shivered. “He’d murder them.”
“Saint-Vire is dead,” said Léonie. “There cannot be another such, who hates monseigneur.”
Her brother-in-law turned to her. “Of course there could. Avon’s any number of enemies. Stands to reason. Devil is, I don’t know of any who’d have the nerve to go against him like this. Satanas, they call him and with reason.”
“Well, I could be wrong, of course, although I rarely am,” said the Doctor. “Shall we take a look and see?”
Leela slipped out of the carriage. “I will come with you.”
“No,” he said. “If Léonie is what they’re after, you had better stay here and keep an eye on her. You too, Rupert.”
Giles paused. “Which one?”
“You choose,” he said.
The other Rupert spoke first. “I shall come. Devil take it, I’d rather risk footpads than stand around here and be harangued by Léonie.”
*
Leela moved out of the coach. “I am Leela,” she informed Rupert Giles. “Who are you? The Doctor has left you here, but we are all strangers — and I see you are armed.”
“So I am,” he said, looking down at the sword. “It was only a precaution.”
She said, “Good.” Then she leant forward, drawing her knife. “If you tried to use it, I should cut your throat before you moved a step.”
“If you’re concerned, you have the sword.”
Leela smiled as she sheathed her knife. “I am not worried.” She took the blade and tried its weight. “It is a good weapon,” she concluded. “It could use sharpening.”
“How very remiss of me,” he said.
She returned it. “It is — what did you say?”
“Remiss,” he said. “I’m only a traveller. I was after a book and I’ve landed in the wrong place, it seems.”
Leela looked at him and he saw the amusement in her blue eyes. “That is the sort of thing the Doctor would do. He says reading brings much knowledge.”
“Does he?” said Giles, risking a smile. “In fact, it was all down to a book that I wound up here in the first place. I was in the magic shop, when -.”
She stared at him. “Magic? There is no such thing. The Doctor has taught me that. He says it is better to believe in science. There is no magic, only things that we must discover the explanations for.”
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,” said Giles. “Is her ladyship well?”
“Me, I can hear what you say,” Léonie informed him. “I am finding this wet, English wood ennuyant now and I promised monseigneur we should return at once.”
“Who is monseigneur?”
Leela said, “That is her husband. She says he is a great and wise man who is much feared and if he were here, we should not have been attacked.”
“Then it’s a shame that he isn’t, isn’t it?”
*
“I heard a noise,” said Giles in an undertone to Leela. “Probably one of the others. I’ll go and look, shall I?”
She turned, the beginnings of a frown on her face.
“If what they want is her grace,” he murmured, “then I imagine it would better if you stayed with her. I think I know which of us would afford her better protection.”
She smiled as he went. “Be careful.”
“I, ah, have my blunt sword,” he returned and headed off through the trees. “I shall be fine.”
Léonie emerged from the coach. “I am not afraid, me. This is an affair of the most foolish and when they return I shall scold Rupert for listening to that man. Indeed, we should of a likelihood go and find them, for I do not trust that one who claims he is also Avon -.”
“They are with the Doctor,” said Leela. “You must trust him. If he says there is danger, then he is right.”
Léonie tilted her head in unspoken enquiry.
“He is also a very great and wise man,” Leela told her. “He knows many, many things and he has defeated more dangerous enemies than you can imagine.”
The Duchess hugged her arm. “Ma pauvre, is it so with you also? But it is Rupert for whom I fear and he is not at all wise, enfin.”
“I do not understand,” said Leela. “And I tell you again, your relative will be safe with the Doctor.”
*
“Egad,” said Rupert in an undertone. “There is another there, Doctor. You were right. What do we do?”
He coughed. “I think perhaps we should worry about the gentleman behind us first, Lord Rupert.”
“’Pon my soul,” said Rupert, turning slowly. “If any wit tries to tell me the country is duller than the town, I shall have words.”
The stranger, scruffily dressed in a large, caped black coat and brandishing a pistol advanced on them, shouting to his fellow.
“Damn’d awkward, this,” continued Rupert. “They’ve a nerve. I shall tell them they’d have Avon to deal with if they do us harm and that should give them pause.”
The Doctor said, “If I’m right, they know that only too well.”
“I still find that hard to believe,” he returned, as they both put their hands in the air. “You don’t know m’brother; I do. ”
*
Giles crept around, behind a helpfully large bush, trying to see if he could spy any more likely outlaws. Instead, what he received was a sharp, blow to the head. He shouldn’t have been surprised.
*
Just as Rupert and the Doctor were trapped between two of the gang of rogues, the nearest gave a cry and fell, the other following shortly.
“Now, if that’s all, can we return to the matter in hand?” said Avon, who had evidently walked full circle to rejoin them.
The Doctor straightened his scarf. “Is that a weapon?” He nodded at the object in his hand that Rupert found incomprehensible.
“What do you think?” he returned. “You said you had a ship.”
Rupert knelt over the fallen outlaw. “’Pon my word, I know not what to make of it. He was nowhere near him and he has no pistol.”
The other two ignored him.
“Is that all you can say?” demanded the Doctor.
Avon sighed. “Doctor, I have more pressing concerns than the affairs of these primitives. I need to return to my own business urgently.”
“Ah, I see,” he said. “Well, do you remember me mentioning that I had a time machine?”
“Yes, you did, although it sounds improbable -.”
“Oh, it is. Improbable in the extreme. Wonderfully improbable, I always say. But that means that time isn’t an issue here.”
Avon thought about it. “I see. All the same, I would rather get back as soon as I can.”
“Indeed,” he said, clapping him on the shoulder, which earned him a disdainful look he didn’t even notice. “I’m sure you do, but I think it might be good manners to at least go and see that the Duchess is unharmed. Charming woman, I thought, didn’t you?”
“Personally, I thought she might be deranged.”
Rupert drew his sword at that and faced him. “You’ve saved our lives, though how I know not, so I give you fair warning. I don’t care who you are or what you say your damn’d name is, but if you’ve any more insults against Léonie I’ll call you out and that you may depend upon.”
“Then I bow to your greater knowledge of the girl,” returned Avon. “Let’s go if we’re going.”
*
“Monseigneur! Oh, monseigneur, it is you!” Léonie fell out of the carriage, heedless of any dignity and flung herself into the arms of the tall man now approaching them. “Now all is well.”
He put her down and surveyed her out of hard, grey eyes without apparent emotion. He straightened the lace and diamond at his throat, before putting a hand to her chin. “You anticipated someone else?”
“Bah, I thought it must be one of those other fools. Only imagine, monseigneur, we have found many others lost here — and there was a highwayman, but he is of no interest — he is dead.”
The Duke glanced down at the fallen rogue. “So I see. It seems a little untidy to leave him lying there, my dear, but mayhap I am growing over nice in my notions.”
“It is of no matter,” said Léonie. “You are here and we shall contrive.”
“You must forgive me,” said Avon. “I was delayed, ma mie, but I stopped at the White Boar, where March acquainted me with some of the more pertinent facts and but a moment ago Hawkins and I paused to deal with another fellow skulking around yonder.”
She said, “Is he dead also?”
“Ma chère, have I not cured you of this thirst for blood?” he queried. “There was no need. What is more, I have met with other ruffians whose presence I found tedious. One I sent with a message to his master. There shall be no more such trouble, I promise.”
Léonie shook her head. “Oh, it has all been of the most entertaining. Tres amusant, enfin!”
“I am relieved to hear it, my child. May I ask who felled this villain?”
She said, “Leela.”
He raised his eyebrows fractionally. “A most resourceful young lady, I see. You are to be congratulated.”
“Thank you,” said Leela. “Only I must go — I think the ruffian your man injured must be Mr Giles, because he went that way and he has not come back.”
*
“For once,” said Justin, left alone with Léonie, “I must confess to a certain puzzlement. Who are these people that you and Rupert have collected? And where is he?”
She stifled laughter. “Oh, monseigneur, it is too, too droll! We are all lost together and we have been fighting off these rogues of the most base. And, voyons, here is Rupert with the Doctor and that other Avon. Him I do not trust. Rupert says I am lacking in sense, but he should not steal your name, enfin.”
“Curious,” said her husband, watching the new arrivals. “I have never found anyone who felt my name worth stealing. You intrigue me, my dear.”
*
Leela ran across the carpet of old leaves as nimbly as she could in a long skirt to where she could see Giles was lying.
“I’m all right,” he said, when she came over. He tried sitting up and winced. She put out a hand to stop him. “It seems that even in this century I’ve still got an unfortunate tendency to get bashed over the head.”
She examined the wound. “It does not look very bad, but it will hurt.”
“It does.”
“Léonie’s Avon has arrived and his servant did this — he thought you were one of those highwaymen.”
“Well, that part’s novel, I suppose,” Giles reflected. “I should be grateful no one shot me, at least.”
Leela said, “Yes. Lie still. I shall fetch water.”
“Thank you.”
*
“Hello there,” said the Doctor, striding back into the clearing with Rupert and Avon close behind him. He stopped on seeing the newcomer and then grinned still wider. “His grace the Duke of Avon, I presume?”
He picked a speck of dirt off the sleeve of his jacket. “I am, but you gentleman have the advantage over me. Despite Léonie’s tales, I am still none the wiser.”
“Well, I’m the Doctor,” he said. “I assume you’ve come to take your wife to safety, but there seemed to be some rather unpleasant fellows after her earlier.”
He said, “There were. I have dealt with the cause at its root and they will trouble us no longer. I thank you for your assistance, but I trust it was not necessary.”
“Yes, well, thank you, I think,” said the Doctor. “Oh, and this chap’s also called Avon.”
“So I have been informed,” he said, giving him a bored glance from his heavy-lidded grey eyes.
The Doctor looked around. “Where’s Leela and the other fellow?”
*
“Listen, we don’t have long,” said Giles.
Leela frowned. “You are not badly hurt.”
“No, I mean it literally,” he said, sitting up. “The spell will reverse in a few minutes now.”
She laughed. “There is no such thing.”
“There is,” he countered, in a tone that Leela knew better than to argue with. She knelt. “Call it what you like. I’m sure your Doctor could come up with any number of names for it, but I know it as a spell — a formula, if you like. I’m about as certain as I can be that this is what drew his ship off course and what brought the rest of us together. Tell him, and he can work out the scientific explanations.”
She nodded. “I shall, but I do not understand.”
“Well, that’s wisdom of a sort,” Giles told her. “There’s no hope for the people who can’t admit that much.”
Leela laughed again. “I am not wise! I am a warrior.”
“A cheerful confession of ignorance coupled with an eagerness to learn? That’s rare in any time or place, and you have good instincts. Besides, at the moment I’m somewhat at your mercy and flattery seems prudent.”
She said, “But I have already told you I will not hurt you.”
*
“Your ship, Doctor?” prompted Avon.
He turned to Leonie and the Duke. “We’ll go on over there, after the other two. I’ll give them a ride onwards in my own vehicle. It’s been a pleasure!”
“What an odd fellow,” said Rupert. “Devilish strange, and the other two.”
Léonie raised her chin. “Me, I liked them, aside from that one who -.”
“Yes, yes, so you’ve said a dozen times,” interrupted Rupert. “Avon, I trust that you have some means of conveying us out of here? Preferably to some place that does a creditable glass of burgundy.”
He said, “Naturally. I find the charm of these trees and this damp weather palls on one. Let us return to the inn.”
*
“Here,” said Giles. “Help me up. If I’m right, I’m going to be taken off your hands any moment now and I’d rather do it standing up.”
Leela obliged.
“You’re not from the Eighteenth century, are you?” he asked. “I thought for a minute that perhaps you were the slayer for this time, but clearly not -.”
She stared at him. “I said I am a warrior. I have slain many.”
“I’m sure you have,” he told her. “That wasn’t what I meant; I’m sorry.”
Leela opened her mouth to reply, but then he did vanish and moments later, she found herself back in the TARDIS.
*
“What happened?” Leela asked the Doctor, after regaining her breath from the strangeness. “How can this be?”
He pressed switches and buttons manically. “I don’t know -.”
“This time it was magic.”
He glared at her. “It was not. Whatever it was, it has a distinct pattern of its own and it caused a slight rupture in the fabric of time and space and, trust me, it wasn’t magic.”
“What was it, then?”
The Doctor waved a hand. “I’m not sure, but I’ll find out. Now, get out of my way.”
Leela moved back and turned her attention to K9, who was less prone to erratic moods. She contemplated telling the Doctor about Giles’s claim, but she decided that she would not, not yet. She waited to hear what explanation he would find, but she leant forward to pat K9, hiding her smile behind her hair.
*
“That was quick,” said Jenna, raising her eyebrows as Avon reappeared on board the Liberator. “You’ve only been gone a few minutes. Did you find it already?”
He paused. “Ah, yes. No. You had better send me back.”
“Are you sure you’re all right?”
He gave a slight smile. “Perfectly. Now, get on with it.”
*
“Willow,” said Giles, taking the book from her. “Let’s look at this. Which spell were you using?”
She said, “It wasn’t the right demon dimension?”
“It was England two centuries ago,” he told her.
Tara and Xander took an interest.
“That sounds like fun,” said Tara.
Anya shrugged. “Not so much. I’ve been in better times and places.”
They all looked at her.
“What?” she said. “I have. Here for instance. I like it here.”
Willow snatched the book back. “I followed everything as carefully as possible and, Giles -.”
“What is it?”
She said, “The pages seem to be a tiny bit stuck together.” She tried a hasty smile in his direction.
“I suppose that would go some way to explaining it,” he said. “Willow, what did you spill on this?”
*
The universe reverted to its usual shape.
***
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