New Chapter! I hope you guys like this one!
Unbeta'd - all mistakes my own.
Both Rose, and if she really was, her daughter belonged to another man. One that looked, thought and behaved like him, but wasn’t.
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| Tenth Doctor, Torchwood | |
Never Say Never by Kimori1024 [Reviews - 58]  Chapter or Story Author's Notes: | |
“My head...”
His eyes searched the shivering girl as she opened her eyelids. A hint of gold flashed though the dark brown, her pupils struggling to focus. Though her eyes were open she couldn’t see him, she was still caught in her dream; not that he wasn’t certain he was dreaming...
“Rose...”
“Oh, no this isn’t fair.” But she’s speaking. Babbling incoherently yes; but it was nonetheless speaking.
“Rose...”
“Why? Now I’m hallucinating too? Dreamin’ wasn’t bad enough?!” Her voice rose and squeaked as if she had no control over it. Her body trembled in the unfamiliar surroundings, an all too familiar face hanging over her. “Why does this happen to me? This just isn’t fair!”
He moved his lips to speak her name again in utter disbelief but nothing came out. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to touch her; anything to ensure that this was real.
“Just stop it dammit! Stop it!” She was screaming hysterically now, but her eyes didn’t pull away from his. He didn’t dare turn away either.
“Rose, please calm down... we don’t know the full effects!” A woman’s voice barely registered from somewhere out of his line of vision, he assumed it had to be Martha, pulling Rose’s attentions from him.
“Where the fuck am I? Oh... my head! Oh my god... what happened?” Light flashed in her eyes again and an awful pounding consumed her thoughts. He could feel it. The chaos in her mind, the pain and oh so much light... And yet, it was empty, her heart full of intense darkness. This just had to be a horrible dream. She’d been through enough; she didn’t need more pain. That’s why he’d made his choice. Her breathing picked up as she tried her best to look around the room. “Where’s Tori? What the bloody fuck is going on?” She continued to scream. It couldn’t make it better, though the energy of just raising her voice seemed to drain her. She shook her head attempting in vain to regain some sort of clarity in the situation when she turned back to him. He saw the tears and the fear “And you! Who are you? What the hell is going on!!!???”
And he just stood in awe; completely dumbfounded. The most powerful man in the universe; all he need do is click his fingers and whole armies would kneel before his feet, and yet all he could do was look at this impossible thing before him. His hand twitched at his side just longing to reach out and see if she was real. Did she really not recognize him?
He’s trembling more than she is now and he silently wonders if the water on his face is still from the downpour outside. Entirely of its own accord, his hand is now out in front of him. Just a few more inches and he can touch her; just a bit more and the spell will break.
Her face softens, he must look like a right mess; but so does she. The mascara has run down her face. Her hair was a mess; all tied up and matted down from rain water and sweat. “No.... No this can’t be happening... never...” her voice shook, barely audible, even to him.
“Rose...” he can’t bring himself to speak too loudly now, for he’s lost his voice. His fingers just a tiny way from her cheek now, soon the illusion would be gone.
“No... Because you’re dead....” His hearts clench in his chest at her words.
“I heard you scream! Mum!” There was a loud crash as the door swung open. A storm of brown and blue rushed past. The whirlwind transformed into a young girl who gripped to the shaking young woman sitting on the metal table. “Mum? What’s wrong? Did they hurt you? Mum?” He pulled his hand away from Rose in shock and the brunette moved in closer. Her eyes searched the other woman’s, but Rose just sat completely transfixed oh him. Was this girl just another member of Torchwood? No... She couldn’t be. And did she just....? Suddenly she turned to him and her eyes startled him. Something so familiar inside her... But she just looked at him as if she’d seen a ghost.
“Nooo.... that’s just cruel...” Her blue eyes were sad and so far away as she spoke. Her hand gripped her mother’s tightly. “No...”
“What?” he couldn’t move as he stared at the girl. He could feel it inside of her, but she couldn’t be...
“You look just like him.... when he... when he was young...” The brunette swallowed hard trying to keep all emotion aside, though her voice cracked on the verge. “That’s not fair, parallel or not... Why him?”
“What?” Did she really just say what he thought she’d said? His mind was too busy to catch the last bit. She was far too old in comparison to be what she said she was. Rose was here and well... he wasn’t. But this girl...
“Is this supposed to be funny, mate?” Anger spurred in her tone.
“Mum?” He rolled his tongue over the word as if testing it for reality, his eyes on the blonde and then darting back to the brunette. But all of his attentions were soon turned back to the blonde woman sitting in front of him again.
“Oh my god, mum... Are you alright?” Tori shook Rose gently, though her eyes were still focused on him. He was sopping wet, his hair down in front of his eyes. And his eyes; they looked so much older, so much more tired.
“Mum,” Tori rubbed her mother’s arm in despair and gently squeezed her hand again. “We’re at Torchwood.”
“But we can’t be...”
“But yeah, we are. It’s just... different, yeah? You know how you always talked about parallel worlds and all that? I always though you were a bit mad to be honest, but d’you know what mum? I think we’re in one... Like a parallel Torchwood or something...”
He couldn’t focus on the words of the girl and he knew that Rose couldn’t either. This was never supposed to happen. Why was she here? It didn’t make any sense! He’d pushed her away. He’d made it happen! He’d ended it all... and yet, he so desperately wanted to believe in his hearts this was real; though his head hoped that it wasn’t, for her and for him.
“John...” She spoke softly. It was more a question than a statement as she continued to stare at the trembling man who looked so much like the man she’d dreamt about but wasn’t. And slowly his clenched hearts broke.
“Tori? Rose? You two okay?” Now, a boy with a mess of black hair dashed into the room.
“A bit late aren’t you?” The brunette just shook her head as she spoke to him matter-of-factly. She turned her head away from the stunned boy to look at him, dead on. “And what about you? Who the hell are you anyway?”
Jack trailed into the doorway, resting on the wall just inside. “So, Doctor, I see you’ve met everybody,” his manner was nonchalant, though his eyes betrayed him.
The Doctor just continued to stare completely dumbfounded by his situation. An unsteady hand found its way though his hair and then down his face pulling ever slightly at the skin. His eyes searched Rose. Any sign would do; anything. Did she even see him? What was she feeling? Did he want to know? Did he want this? Could he do this? His mind raced and then he did the only thing he was ever good for, the only thing he really knew how to do. He ran.
The Doctor needed to get out of there. It was too much and far too real. His breath quickened in pace and his hearts raced. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand was placed on his shoulder. The grip was firm but comforting and he turned to see Jack beside him in the corridor.
“Well, to be perfectly honest Doc, that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting...”
“But I sent her away...” It was all he could say. He wanted to say so much more, the Captain could see it in his eyes, but he just couldn’t say anything else.
“Nope, still not it,” the Captain looked into his eyes bringing his other hand to grip the Doctor’s other shoulder to look at him straight on. Under the other man’s stare and the muffled sounds he could hear from the room he’d just been, and under the pressure on his chest and the breaking of his hearts, he cracked.
“Why the hell is she here?! What happened to me?! Or well, the other me, him?!
“ Doctor-” But he cut Jack off now.
“Was she alone?! Why wasn’t he with her?! Tell me!” He gripped tightly to the Captain’s collar in emphasis and pushed him roughly up against the wall.
“Doctor, she was alone...” the other man gasped under the Doctor throttling grip. “No, he wasn’t with her.”
“Why the hell not?! Why would he leave her?! I would never leave her!”
“Well,” Jack smiled indignantly and swiftly shifted their positions until he had the dark eyed alien pinned up against the wall. “You sort of did and now she’s back.”
“Why was she alone?!” He growled at jack as he attempted to get out of the man’s grip.
“Nuh, uh. There is many a man who’s tried to get out of position. All succumb to me in the end.” Jack’s mega-watt smile beamed, though his eyes were darker than the Doctor had ever seen them. “Well, not entirely alone. Her daughter and her friend were there....”
“Well, that girl can’t be her daughter! She’s nearly her age!” The Doctor, despite Jack’s boasting had successfully pulled out of the other man’s grasp, knocking them both to the floor. The Doctor pinned Jack below him with his knees. “That doesn’t matter anyway.....”
“She’s your daughter!”
“No, she isn’t! Even if by some messed up time warp she is in fact Rose’s, she’d be his!” But they both were, weren’t they? Both Rose, and if she really was, her daughter belonged to another man. One that looked, thought and behaved like him, but wasn’t. Rose didn’t belong here. He’d given up any right he had when he’d left her. And though Jack’s words stung, they were true.
“Yes she is!” While the Doctor was lost in thought, Jack had once again flipped their positions. He now straddled the Time Lord at the waist with his hands holding the other man’s arms down to the floor. “You know, under other circumstance, this position may have been fun, but you had to go and ruin it didn’t you!?”
The Doctor chose to ignore the Captain’s comments. This wasn’t the time nor the place. “No, she’s his! Both of them are!”
“No, he was you and now you are refuting the same backwards logic that you thrust upon Rose the day you left her!” Jack screamed back as he hit his fist into the Doctor’s jaw for added emphasis. “Now! If you have any other questions, ask the two women in there that would know, because whether you want to believe it or not or take the fucking responsibility, Rose needs you! And that cheeky little girl in there has got to be related to you because she’s harder to get information out of and more messed up than you are!”
The two of them must have caused quite a ruckus because just as the Doctor swung his arms to punch the man holding him down, he noticed they had an audience.
“So, I assume this means that I can come over now?” The Doctor looked up to see Mickey standing over them and his fist stopped inches from Jack’s face.
Others made their way out of the other room into the corridor; all eyes staring down at the two men on the hallway floor.
“Well...” The Doctor watched as the blue eyed brunette gave him a curious look as her eyes trailed from Jack to him and back again. She swallowed and turned to Mickey, the only new face in the group. “What did you say your name was, Ricky or something?”
“Mickey,” the man spoke as he stared back at her, his eyes then moving to Rose and giving her a tiny smile. Rose’s eyes and the way she swallowed made the Doctor’s breath catch.
“No... It was definitely Ricky...” the girl continued to speak, clearly ignoring the earlier situation and the current predicament as she continued to hold her mother around the waist. Whether it was her determination to keep the mood light or to entirely change the subject, he wasn’t quite sure; all he knew was that she was far too smart to forget what had just happened.
“No, it was Mickey.” The Doctor could hear Mickey’s voice change a bit at the girl’s cocky manner. His eye caught Jack’s and he saw that he was grinning at the conversation folding out before them.
“Oh!” The girl clicked her fingers and suddenly pointed at a very surprised Mickey. “You were the idiot on the phone... That explains why you don’t know your own name...” She grinned and the Doctor found himself in a much unexpected situation as the corner of his mouth twitched up against his will.
“Oi! I think I would know my own name! I’m a senior Torchwood officer! And... And I...” Her eyes bore into him and he clearly seemed to lose track of what he was saying. Her smile grew and the Doctor found his did as well.
“You think you would... I wholly underestimated the extent of your idiocy...”
It was the most beautiful sound and, oh, he remembered it so well. And yet that beautiful sound was trailing into his ears; her laughter. His smile faded as Jack released him and sat back on his heels so the Doctor could pull himself up onto his elbows. He looked at her, leaning closer still restrained by Jack. He needed to get closer to prove to himself this was real. Rose, she was right there, laughing her heart out. Tears were rolling down her face and the girl beside her stopped her bantering to look up at her. The Doctor’s mouth was dry. Her body shook as she laughed.
Then he started and he couldn’t stop. But it hurt, oh it hurt so much. It was then he realized she didn’t laugh because she wanted to; they needed to laugh because if they didn’t, they would scream.
“We should be going then... We’re gonna need some fresh clothing and things,” Rose looked over at Jack from across his desk. Her face was smeared with tears and makeup and her stomach and head both hurt.
“Rose, Martha didn’t give the all clear... Anyway, where are you going to go?” Jack sat with his head in his hands looking at the beautiful mess in front of him. He shouldn’t let her leave the hub, but something told him it would be torture to force her to stay. The last thing this poor girl needed was more pain.
“I won’t go far, I’m not stupid... But I need to get out of here,” her voice cracked even though no more tears came from her eyes. It would be impossible for her to cry any longer.
“Are you gonna take him with you?” He gestured out the glass wall of his office to the man in the brown trench nursing his bruised face.
She didn’t follow the direction of his suggestive head nod and chose to ignore his comments completely. “Know any good hotels? I haven’t been in Cardiff in ages... Or well, this Cardiff... and then I’ll need to get some clothes and things...” She looked away, avoiding his gaze as she rambled things that were of little, if any importance right now; the big picture was too hard to bear.
“Well, Rose it is well into morning by now. I’ve still got the keys to your old flat on the Powell Estate. I wouldn’t let the council sell it, call me sentimental or psychic, just don’t call me Shirley.” He winked at her as he stood up and walked to a box on a dusty shelf way in the back. “I’ll have Ianto drive you up to London if you want. You might be more comfortable in your own clothes and familiar surroundings than a hotel after all you’ve been though.” He shifted a few objects around in the box before successfully finding the key.
“Thanks, Jack... I’m sorry about all of this you know... I don’t know what’s going on...” He stepped over to Rose and pressed the key into her hand. He didn’t allow her to continue as he gently took her face between his palms.
“You’re stronger than you know Ms Tyler.... Just let us figure this thing out, alright? You, you just figure out you and your little lot. Trust me, I think we’re getting the easier job.” She sniffed and he shifted his hands to her waist and then back, pulling her into a tight embrace. He dropped his lips closer to her ear as he felt her tremble in his arms. He whispered when he was sure he’d gotten her attention, allowing no leeway for her to pretend she can’t hear what he wanted to say. “Now, I called him in to help. But if he’s making things worse, you can just tell him to leave because I won’t be the one to do it. He hurt you, I know, I get that, but there is so much more that is going on in that head of yours that you haven’t explained. Now, whatever has happened to you or him since we last saw each other is probably none of my business, but I’m guessing it was a hell of a lot longer than six months. I am always here to talk; and even though I’m not very good at playing matchmaker, sweetie, I think you should talk to him first.”
She was crying as she looked at him when he pulled away to take her in and part of his heart fractures. His brave little Rose, not so little anymore; no barrage balloon and no union jacks. He slipped his hand into hers and placed a soft chaste kiss to her lips. Hand in hand they walk out of his office toward the inevitable and the man that played the biggest part.
“Nice right hook, Captain,” The Doctor spoke quietly still rubbing his cheek. Jack watched his eyes follow Rose but make no move to follow her.
“You are going with them.” Jack released Rose’s hand as she continued forward toward her daughter and Rob without turning to look back at the Time Lord.
“Jack, I really don’t think you can tell me what to do.”
“Doctor, I think I can. Now, go with them. You don’t have to listen to me, you could be long gone out of here by now, but you’re not. That’s because don’t you want to go. Stop being a stubborn high and mighty wanna be god and for once follow your hearts instead of your big head.” Jack turned and got away before the Doctor could register quick enough to hit him. Jack glanced back when he reached the door to his office and called to the Doctor once more. “And would it kill you to get to know Tori a bit? I think you’d be pleasantly surprised at how your daughter turned out!”
“She’s not my daughter,” he heard the Doctor mutter grudgingly from behind him and Jack couldn’t help but grin to himself just a bit as he watched the Doctor’s reflection in the glass follow the girls out.
The Time Lord followed Rose out the door as Ianto led them out through the main Torchwood entrance and then out into the blazing morning light. The silence was killing him. There was a tension building in between the five people as the made their way to the jeep.
Hold on — five? The Doctor scanned all of the people around him; Ianto, Rose, her supposed daughter — Tori he thought her name was, and... That boy.
“Who’s he? Should he be coming?” He didn’t mean to speak out loud, but the words blurted out of his mouth before he could reel them back in.
The raven haired boy, about the Doctor’s height and stature turned to him and for the first time the Doctor saw the bit of pink tinting the very top of his head and an earring shine in his ear. “I’m Robert, Sir,” the boy spoke nervously.
Tori spun around, grabbing the boy’s shoulder roughly. Her eyes only briefly met the Doctor, the ice blue smoldering hot, before she turned back to Rob. “You don’t owe him anything,” she whispered to him and proceeded to get into the vehicle as Ianto opened the door for them. “The real question is why the hell is he comin’...”
Rose moved to get into the car after Rob. Her feet were still bare and the skin cut sharply against the metal causing her to stumble backwards into the Doctor’s arms. He awkwardly caught her as her head came to rest against his chest. She was so warm, so very real. He could feel her blood pump through her veins through his grip around her stomach and arms. And for just one moment, her eyes peered up at him and he saw the Rose Tyler he knew. All of the joy, and laughter and hope; all of the adventure and the pain expressed in the deep brown pools. But most of all, it was the love he saw for that split second that hurt the worst.
And then, just like that her eyes were cold and dead as she pulled away from him without a word. The warmth was gone, everything that she was, was now gone and had been gone for quite some time. But he was wrong to say that her last look at him through her fringe was completely lacking in emotion because he knew all too well what was expressed in them because he saw it in his own eyes every time he could muster the strength to look himself in the mirror.
The curse of living like they did, the only emotion you’re left with after everything they have been though. He could feel his eyes widen as he glanced from Tori to her mother as everything dawned on him.
That last remaining emotion — Pain.
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