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Un-beta'd - All mistakes are mine.
“But you know you’re really gone when you start to need him and you don’t care that your hearts know your head is right. You’d walk through the fires of hell, swim a billion oceans, burn up super novas for one last chance at ensuring their happiness!"
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| Tenth Doctor, Torchwood | |
Never Say Never by Kimori1024 [Reviews - 58]  Chapter or Story Author's Notes: | |
The Doctor stood over the sofa, silently watching the young couple in peaceful slumber. He couldn’t help but smiling to himself at the sight. He could recall some very good times on that couch, some of which involved frantically flipping the cushions before Jackie got home and hoping that she didn’t see the odd pair of knickers lying forgotten on the arm rest. Part of him suddenly wanted to make sure Tori never touched a boy while on a couch again. He sighed, but his grin widened. He really was starting to sound like a dad.
He watched the brunette shift restlessly against Robert’s shoulder and noticed that the now mid-afternoon light coming through the window now lay over her face sure to disturb her. He went to tidy the curtains allowing the girl to fall back to her dreams. No, he didn’t deserve her or the love that he felt for her and her mother. He’d only bring them pain and a constant reminder of what they lost. He wasn’t worth that. He was needed here or wanted and that’s why he had made his decision.
Without turning back to the two on the sofa or the woman down the hall, he made his way toward the door. A shifting sound came from behind him and a consciousness seemed to awake in the back of his mind. He hadn’t an idea why the feeling of the Tori awakening made him so nervous and could understand even less why he felt as if he needed to hide his intentions. But nonetheless, he found his feet quickly changing trajectory and taking him into the kitchen as the girl got up from the sofa. When he heard the patter of bare feet on the tile floor, he found his head buried in the refrigerator surrounded by boxes of frozen chocolate bananas.
“I guessed the apple a day thing doesn’t work then yeah? So I thought I’d try chocolate bananas.” His head jerked out of the refrigerator, hitting his head on the door at the sound of Tori’s voice. His startled actions caused the young woman who had just spoken to giggle.
The Doctor grinned and rubbed the side of his head as he looked at the laughing girl. He decided he liked that little laugh of hers; she’d inherited that from her mother. But that cocky smile beaming up at him was most definitely his. “Haha. Very funny.”
“I thought so.” Her smile grew and her tongue decided to poke from the corner of her mouth, her grin morphing to a cross between her mother’s and father’s. She shifted past the Doctor easily and opened the refrigerator again and reaching inside. She didn’t look at him as she spoke, but he could hear her smile fade. “Thanks by the way. I’m not very good at apologies or anything, but yeah... You know, for last night and everything. You aren’t so bad, Doctor.”
“Thank you. Neither are you.” And he meant it. It had been so long since he’d apologized and meant it. Through the millions of ‘I’m sorry’s he’d said over the years, this one was real.
“Yeah, I know you aren’t my dad or nothing, but I suppose that doesn’t mean that you aren’t something to me.” She paused and he could hear the words catch in her throat. “You know, I always knew I wasn’t like all of the other little girls...” She carefully pulled one of the many boxes off the shelf and shut door, turning back to the Doctor. “Chocolate banana?” She gestured the box toward him. “They’re my favorite. Me and dad used to eat ‘em all the time.”
“Oh, thanks.” The Doctor reached into the box and pulled one of the chocolate coated treats from the cardboard. She did the same before placing the box back inside the door and shutting it with her foot. They both unwrapped the packages in unison. “Really?”
“Yeah,” the brunette nodded as she licked the banana, once again, in sync with the Time Lord. “When you’re able to earn a doctorate in Quantum Physics by your 12th birthday you sort of know you’re... different.... Or special as mum and dad put it.” She smiled as her tongue darted over her lips, catching any spare chocolate. “Y’know, all those other girls thought about was growing up and having the prefect wedding and living in Barbie’s dream house.... Grow up; marry a CEO or a lawyer or a doctor...” Her eyebrow waggled at him as her tongue ran over the last one before returning its attention to her treat. “No offence.”
He raised his eyebrow as he bit the top off of his banana before proceeding to eat the fractured coating from the sides. It was only now for the first time he noticed that the girl mirrored his exact movements. The similarities were creepy to say the least, yet somehow warmed both of his hearts.
“None taken,” The Doctor spoke as he caught a piece of melting chocolate before placing it back in his mouth with the tip of his index finger.
“It’s just... I never thought about doing those things. Mum and dad were always happy, and never treated me as if I was different growing up. You don’t notice anything strange when you’re little...” She also absentmindedly sucked on her thumb before returning to the banana.
“It’s only later in life that the perfect façade your parents try to create begins to slip. I found out that when I was born I looked different. The picture of me a half hour after my birth shows a baby girl with dark brown eyes and bright ginger hair. Can you believe that combination?” She laughed nervously as she continued, though she didn’t dare look up. “I don’t understand how that’s possible, but it was something I just sort of accepted along with the whole not aging thing.”
“You regenerated?” The Doctor looked at the young girl in astonishment, attempting to imagine her as a red head.
“Is that what it was? I somehow had a feeling you’d understand. Dad seemed to know about it, but wouldn’t elaborate.” She carefully picked at the now softened yellow fruit in her hands. “Mum told me once after dad died that I‘d died back then, only an hour into my life. My dad had done something. I suppose it resulted in his own life being cut short.” Her voice cracked and though she still refused to look up, the Doctor knew she was on the verge of tears. “Sometimes I wonder if he’d never saved me if he might still be around.”
“He would have given his entire life to save you, trust me on that.” The Doctor gently placed his now empty stick to the girl’s chin, lifting her head to look at him. Her father had been only human, but this girl was so much more. So many mysteries he would probably never understand. “You were his world. I know if I were him, you would have been mine.” He earned a reluctant smile from the brunette in return.
“But if there was ever one thing my dad taught me was that you can never give up. Never stop believing, never stop trying and never give up,” she repeated. She gripped the stick and yanked it from his hand playfully, completely different that the person she’d been only moments earlier. “Even when the universe is against you, don’t give up. On that topic...” her eyes darkened a tad, causing the Doctor’s brow to begin to sweat slightly more than he thought was strictly necessary. “What the hell did you do to my mum?”
“What?”
“I’ve seen her at her lowest, but she’s never been this broken. If you broke her heart I will kill you.” She gestured the stick in a sword like threatening fashion toward the Time Lord clearly taken aback by her statements and the girl’s suddenly drastic mood change.
“I didn’t break her heart. I merely am not allowing her to mistake old feelings for something she still wants, especially not now.” He wasn’t quite sure why he felt compelled to defend himself and defend himself to this little girl that he’s only just met at that, but he could feel her anger beginning to shift from playful to something much more akin to his own oncoming storm. “This whole ordeal shouldn’t be happening for many good reasons. This was never supposed to be possible. If she were stable, she’d never want to come with me.”
“Come with you?”
“I travel. We, your mum and I, used to travel together.”
“Meaning...?” She spun the stick in her hand awaiting his explanation. She’d inherited his lack of patience then.
“Travel in time and space, I’m a Time Lord. And in a way, you are as well.”
“Riiight... You’re gonna be explaining that in depth later mate.” Oddly enough, his little revelation constituted no visible effect as she continued. “But as for my mum, never say never. I may hate you but she doesn’t. Even if she doesn’t admit it, she loves you. I can’t see why, but whatever you did or didn’t do hurt her.” She stepped back, throwing her weapon into the trash with her own nearly empty stick. She shifted, sitting herself up on the counter. “And yeah, it may take time but if you are anything like my dad other than looks you won’t stop trying just because you need to work at it. It will take work, but you love her too.” He could feel her presence snooping around in his mind again now. In shock he struggled to close the doors best he could but she grinned a manic grin and he sighed knowing he was a goner. “That psychic thing goes both ways you know.”
“She did say she loved me...” The Doctor found himself extremely interested in the toe of his right trainer.
“Then really, what the fuck are you waitin’ for? Stop talkin’ to me and go talk to her!” Her language and sudden heightened volume made him jump and look back up at her.
“Because I know she doesn’t mean it. She’s just confused....”
“My mum doesn’t get confused when it comes to things like this. Just because you’re too thick to see it, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. Maybe you’re afraid to let her.... I didn’t think anyone could be more messed up than her, but you two seem like a good match.”
“You are wise beyond your years, you know that?” The Doctor’s eyebrows arched as he stared back at Tori. Damn, she was good.
“Comes with the territory.” Her eyebrow arched, mirroring his before she giggled and winked at him.
Eager to change the subject, the Doctor rocked back on his heals and gestured with his head toward the boy on the sofa through the little kitchen window. “How about you and that pinky hair boy?”
“What about him?” He watched her hand run through her hair and rest all too calmly on her knee before linking with the other hand.
“Practice what you preach?” He accentuated the P sound, letting his tongue roll over his teeth as he rocked forward on his rubber soles.
“That’s different...” Her tone was defensive and he knew he’d struck a chord.
“I don’t think so.” He pushed a bit farther, testing the waters. This could either go very wrong resulting in a chocolate banana stabbed in one of his major arties or she might just confide in him. He hoped it would be the latter, though he could feel her presence in his mind contemplating the first option carefully.
“I can’t live without him... it’s stupid, I know...” She swallowed and looked down at her clasped hands in her lap. Her voice was thick with hidden emotions, so much so that the Doctor began to wonder if this would be any more comfortable than having a frozen piece of fruit stuck in his neck.
“Yeah, its stupid, but I know what you’re feeling,” he started out slow, not entirely sure where to go with this. But if he was honest, he knew exactly how she felt and why she’d run away from the boy’s confession the previous night. He’d done the same thing to Rose more than once. “You’re hearts tell you it’s right but your head says it’s wrong. It isn’t smart, it’ll never work, it’ll always end badly...”
“Right, thanks for the pep talk, really.” The girl swung her feet and cocked her head to emphasize her sarcasm.
But unfazed, he continued. Sometimes his gob got the better of him and he had the feeling that this was one of those times. “But you know you’re really gone when you start to need him and you don’t care that your hearts know your head is right. You’d walk through the fires of hell, swim a billion oceans, burn up super novas for one last chance at ensuring their happiness! Ha!” He bent forward, the slightly crazed expression of a man on the edge spread over his face causing Tori to jump and shift her seat on the counter top. He knew he was beginning to crack, but his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. “Just to make sure that they are happy and safe and can have a fantastic life! But then you don’t care if she’s happy because she isn’t happy with you. She’s living the perfect life, with the perfect bloke that is everything that you can offer and the one thing you can’t and they are living your life happily ever after and you hate it...” He swung back and stood up rigidly and louder than at all required, he finished, “You bloody well hate it!” His mouth hung open as he studied the awed expression on the brunette’s face. He must look like a right mad and violent loon. He rolled his eyes and quickly screwed them shut, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he’d just lost it; all mighty Time Lord reduced to this. It was just that telling her; it felt alright. “No, no, no... I’m sorry... I didn’t...”
“We’re not talkin’ about me and Rob anymore are we?” Tori spoke quietly, her voice sounding far too understanding and wise to be coming from her young face.
“Really, Tori, I didn’t... I swear, I didn’t mean...” The Doctor attempted to backpedal through his words, anything to take back what he’d said.
“You really love her don’t you? Does my mum really mean that much? I mean, this conversation keeps returning to that fact.” She leapt off the counter and stepped cautiously toward the Doctor who was now massaging his temples and avoiding looking at the young woman moving closer. He could feel tears in the corners of his eyes. He could only reply in silence for fear of his voice cracking.
Gently, the young woman took hold of one of his arms and pulled it away from his face. Taking his hand in hers, she spoke, “Tell her then. My dad told her he loved her every day of his life, but sometimes when she said it back... I always wondered why she hesitated.” He found himself watching her study his hand as she held it. “It was so very slight, really not even a tick, but it was there. I’m not sure she noticed it or even he did.... But you...” She caught him off guard when she suddenly looked up at him and dropped his hand. A tear slipped from his eyes. “Listen, I don’t know what the hell happened all those years ago, but you are somehow connected with everything that has ever been odd in my life. But I don’t think I’m the important one here. Just tell her how you feel. Or I’ll....” Without warning she turned away and walked back to the refrigerator, opened the door and pulled out a box of bananas. Turning back to him, a manic grin, his grin, covered her face “Or I’ll wack you over the head with a box of these frozen bananas!”
“You’re threatening me with a frozen, chocolate coated fruit?” The Doctor found himself almost laughing with her as he pulled a mock hurt expression. Part of his mind wondered how she did it, got him to say everything he wanted and didn’t and then make him genuinely feel as if it might just be okay. He wondered if she was right. This girl, oh so much like him seemed so sure but doubts still plagued his mind. Did she really know what she was saying? He looked at the beautiful, young, confident child, no, woman before him; at least some things would be alright.
Her smile grew even wider as she stifled her own laughter. “Hey, bananas are good! Full of potassium that will whoop your arse Time Boy!”
TBC
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