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Decisions by Jadesfire [Reviews - 2]  Author's Notes: Set in early Torchwood S2 but no spoilers. | |
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Everything had changed. Oh, of course everything had gone on like normal too, because life was nothing if not persistent, and after Gwen's world had turned itself over and back a few times, she'd stopped worrying about which way was up. But Jack's dying, coming back, disappearing and then coming back again had put more of a spin on things than usual.
So when Jack offered to give her a lift home from the Hub, Gwen was too surprised to say no, and instead blurted out the first thing that came into her head.
"I told Rhys I'd go to Tesco's."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "Okay," he said slowly. "So we'll go via Tesco's. Assuming you trust me to remember where it is."
It was odd, Gwen thought, as Jack pulled into the rush hour traffic, but she never thought about Jack doing shopping. She'd seen him eat, of course, and she supposed he would need other supplies besides food, it was just that she was having trouble imagining him standing in a supermarket aisle, contemplating which kind of baked beans to buy.
"Are we shopping or do you just want to watch the rain for a while?"
Blinking, Gwen realised that they'd arrived and that Jack had turned in his seat to look at her, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth.
"Sorry," she said, forcing herself to smile back. "Miles away, there."
"Anywhere in particular?" Jack asked, turning off the engine and unclipping his seatbelt.
"Not really. Just…thinking."
"Right."
They hurried across the car park, Jack holding his coat closed against the downpour, while Gwen dodged the puddles as best she could. The entrance was packed with people milling around, watching the rain, debating the merits of making a run for it or struggling with umbrellas and raincoats. Several of them gave Jack annoyed looks as he shook his head, scattering them with raindrops, although most of the frowns melted away when they got a better look.
How the hell does he do it? Gwen wondered, wrestling with a basket that seemed to have wedged itself into the one underneath. I end up looking like a drowned rat, while he looks like some kind of sea god.
"Do you need anything?" she asked, as he ran a hand through his hair, messing up the flattened strands. At her question, he paused, looking lost for a moment.
"I don't think so. Maybe." He blinked, looking up as though seeing where they were for the first time. "I guess."
Gwen waited for another moment, seeing his eyes flicker over the bunches of flowers to the fruit displays and to the aisles beyond. When he still didn't say anything, she tried her best encouraging smile. "Well. I'll let you get on with it. Meet you back here?"
"Sure."
Not entirely confident that he'd heard her, Gwen headed towards the vegetables, trying to remember what Rhys had asked her to get. She glanced over her shoulder as she compared the merits of two heads of broccoli, trying to see where Jack had got to. When she picked up a couple of carrots (no idea if they needed them, but it wasn't like they went off quickly or anything), she caught sight of a tall, dark shape standing on the other side of the central fruit display, and, as she turned to get some apples, she saw the flicker of a long coat disappearing round the end of the aisle.
They were all out of kitchen roll, and as she was walking to the other side of the shop, Gwen glanced down each aisle in turn. She wasn't worried, she told herself, just curious. There had been something odd in Jack's face when they'd walked in, something subdued and dark, a flashback to how he'd been Before. Everyone had seen the difference when he'd come back — the new, improved Jack Harkness — but she wondered if any of them had seen the old Jack, lurking in the shadows. That was who had come to Tesco's with her, she was sure of it. She just didn't know why.
She found him again as she was heading for the tills. He was standing in the wine and spirits aisle, staring at the bottles, and didn't seem to notice her until she was close enough to nudge his elbow.
"Thinking of getting hammered?" she asked lightly, watching his smile not reach his eyes.
"I can try." He lifted his eyes, scanning label after label, looking for who knew what. "There's so many of the damn things. How do you choose?" Gwen opened her mouth to answer, but he went on before she could speak. "I mean, even just vegetables. Do you want organic or not? Wrapped or not? By weight or per item? Free range-"
"I don't think you can get free range vegetables." It wasn't funny, despite her tentative smile.
Jack shook his head, and she wasn't sure if he was disagreeing or just trying to clear it. "You know what I mean. There's just so much choice." His voice was rising now, the way it always did when he got carried away, but there was a brittle edge to it this time that frightened her. "You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Anything's on the menu, all day every day. Twenty four hour shopping, full cupboards, you want it, you got it. And if you don't like the damn swede, you don't have to eat it."
"Jack." Gwen grabbed his arm, pulling his attention back to her. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
He met her eyes at last, and while she wasn't sure he'd heard her question, he must have seen it in her face. Shaking his head again, he stuck his hands deep into his pockets and looked away.
"I'll meet you outside."
Gwen stood watching as he stalked away, her hands clenched hard around the basket handles. After another moment, she forced herself to take a deep breath, and headed for the tills. Whatever it was, Jack wasn't going to tell them until he was good and ready. If he ever was.
As promised, he was standing outside waiting for her, just beyond the protective shelter of the shop entrance. He had his face lifted to the sky, letting the rain pour over him and drip from his hair, ears and chin. His skin was pale, as though he hadn't seen the sun in a very long time, although she told herself it was probably just the cold.
"Jack?" She stopped just at the edge of the shop's porch, trying not to get too wet. He turned quickly at the sound of his name, smiling at her and holding out his hand.
"You all done?"
She hefted the bags of shopping, letting him take one from her, then reach for her hand. "You'll catch your death," she said automatically, then clamped her mouth shut again. Of all the idiotic-
Jack laughed. Freely and easily and happily. It lit his face, some of the colour returning to his cheeks and he showered her with rain as he shook his head.
"Come on. Let's get you home." He squeezed her hand, still smiling. Really, that and the glint in his eye should have warned her, but she still squealed as he hauled out of the shelter and into the driving rain, laughing again as she swore at him. The water was running down the back of her neck, freezing cold and shocking, but Jack's hand was warm in hers, and his laughter was the best thing she'd heard in weeks.
And just for a moment, she could believe that everything was going to be alright.
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